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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask when you told your daughter about periods?

76 replies

alificent · 23/06/2016 23:18

My daughter is 9 and so naive about everything. I love her innocence but wonder if I'm doing her a disservice by not having discussed periods yet. When did you discuss them with yours?

OP posts:

Orda1 · 23/06/2016 23:35

But on the other hand lots of girls don't start until they're much, much older than 9. Several of my friends were incredibly upset that they were 'part of the gang' and thought there was something wrong with them, of course there wasn't.

StillMedusa · 23/06/2016 23:35

Mine knew... both my girls and boys from at least 4.. as they came in the loo often enough to ask 'what is that?' It's no different to any other body function... 'why do I poo, why do I breathe?' and I wanted to make sure that both my girls AND my boys had a simple uncomplicated grasp of how women's bodies work.

At 9 she really really needs to know what to expect, how to manage the practicalities and that it just IS.. not as a big deal, but because it could happen to her any time between now and the next few years..and probably a couple of her year group will start soon.

My mum explained to me, when I was about 6, that the blood wasn't HER blood.. not like 'ow it hurts' blood, but special food blood that made food for a baby if it grew and wasn't needed if there wasn't a baby growing... it made sense to me long before I was able to understand it better :)

Howmuchisthatdoggyinthewindow · 23/06/2016 23:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Homemama · 23/06/2016 23:36

Op, she will be more concerned if she wakes up to blood in her knickers. And how will she feel if it happens at school and she is unprepared either emotionally or practically? My DD has a small purse in her bag with a sanitary towel just in case she gets caught short at school.

megletthesecond · 23/06/2016 23:37

About 4. We spent the summer at various Olympic events and the dc's were fascinated by the sanitary products in the ladies loos. So they grilled me every time we had lots of chats about them.

Knowing about bodily functions doesn't stop kids believing in the tooth fairy or father xmas.

Fanfeck · 23/06/2016 23:37

Totally agree with Bert

I can't believe a 9 year old hasn't been told, it's basic biology. DD was 3/4, certainly hasn't lost her "innocence"

Numberoneisgone · 23/06/2016 23:40

3 and 6. The 6 year old asked questions and the 3 year old stayed around for the information. I do not consider finding out how the human body grows and develops as losing innocence.

My elder DD was having the school version of the talk during the week. Tbh she could have given it other that telling me that acne was caused by a build up of semen 😂 not sebum she had a pretty full version of the development of the human body and how and where babies come from.

MrsBertBibby · 23/06/2016 23:40

Are girls no longer children when they get their period? That's fucked up!

I told my son when he was 9 or 10 as I realised some of his classmates must be starting, and I was concerned about sniggering boys.

Original poster

alificent · 23/06/2016 23:43

I have been pregnant and/or breastfeeding for the past six years so she doesn't remember seeing me have periods. I guess I don't want it to lead to the sex talk but I guess it's better that she hears it all from me than incorrect information from someone at school.

OP posts:

stopitatonce · 23/06/2016 23:44

DD was 3 - she was interested so we discussed it. Her body, she deserves to know about it i think! Doesn't make her any less 'innocent' to understand her biology.

leedy · 23/06/2016 23:51

"I guess I don't want it to lead to the sex talk"

Why ever not? I knew all about how babies were made in an age appropriate fashion by that age. I had younger siblings and was very curious about how they got in there. I remember asking some very detailed questions while my mum was attempting to put away laundry.

Again, there's nothing "innocence-destroying" about knowing how bodies work.

wigglesrock · 23/06/2016 23:52

My dds (I've 3 aged 11,8 and 5) have always known about periods - in that I've always had tampons in the shopping, they've seen them in the bathroom and asked what they were. I talked about sex and their bodies in general from when they've been about 7 or so. From asking about how you get a baby, to how the baby comes out etc. My eldest is just turned 11 and she's been fully aware of periods, puberty, her body changing for a good few years.
She' s still the same child as she was before - her knowing about how her body works, not being frightened by changes - both physically and emotionally hasn't led to a loss of innocence. It's my job to prepare her for life ahead and her having all the info and support she can is a good thing not something to be mourned.

SovietKitsch · 23/06/2016 23:57

DD is only 1, so haven't told her yet, but started talking to my DSs about it from 3 or 4.

jellycat · 24/06/2016 00:02

Yes, absolutely tell her. I was 10 and nobody had told me ( this was 37 years ago, and most girls started their periods a bit later then). It wasn't nice to find out that way. Luckily it started overnight so I was at home not at school when I found the blood in my knickers.

tigermoll · 24/06/2016 00:04

I'm going to chime in with the 'don't want to have the sex talk' concern whyever not?? Knowing about how bodies work is not shameful or wrong think about how open you had to be about pooing or weeing with your child, or any one of the bodily functions. They don;t "lose their innocence" from finding out about being a human.

If you go into it with the idea that sex is somehow dirty or shameful, then she will pick up on that, and think that it is something she has to feel bad about. My mum was the same -- although she told me about periods (I knew about menstruation before I knew about procreation) she was CLEARLY so uncomfortable and weird about it that I knew that she felt sad about telling me. The upshot was that I knew never to ask her again. Which was a shame.

ImperialBlether · 24/06/2016 00:08

If she likes reading, you could get her a copy of Are you there, God? It's me, Margaret by Judy Blume. It's about a girl who wants to start her periods because everyone else has.

rainbowunicorn · 24/06/2016 00:09

Why on earth would you not have told her by the age of 9. As for not wanting it to lead to the sex talk what an old fashioned, outdated way of thinking. I really do not understand why you would not have done this by now

Homemama · 24/06/2016 00:13

Why would you not want it to lead to the sex talk? When are you planning on having the sex talk? The time should be now. Firstly, she will be doing sex ed in school soon and secondly, there will be lots of sex talk with her peers at this age. Much better she gets the actual facts and the moral/emotional viewpoint from her mum.

AlbertaWildRose · 24/06/2016 00:38

A 9-year-old should definitely know, in an age-appropriate way, what sex is, how babies are made, where they come out, and most definitely about puberty and periods starting. I know plenty of girls that age who already have their periods. My DD was 3 when I told her about periods.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 24/06/2016 00:56

My dd walked into the bathroom age 6 right at the moment I was changing my Sanitary towel and saw the bloody. And she naturally said. Mummy why are you bleeding, so I had no option other i to explain to her. Obviously in a way she'd understand. So I just said. Ladies have eggs in their tummy and sometimes the eggs turn into babies, and if they don't your body has to get rid of them. The blood is called a period and you'll get them when you're a bigger girl.
One thing I did say to her though, was. This is not up for discussion with your friends or anyone at school. It's up to their mummies to tell them.
She got to age 10 and it was like a competition between her and her friends to see who started their periods first.

Slutbucket · 24/06/2016 01:06

Mine are 4 and know that mummy wears a mummy nappy. I go to the loo and 2 minutes later there is a knock on the door. There's two of them so I get no privacy! However it's a bodily function, I've told them
It means there are no babies in mummies tummy. They are very non plussed about it. (Really hope they don't discuss this with their teacher!

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 24/06/2016 01:14

. Ha ha Mummy nappies. That takes me back. To when my little sister came barging into my room and said. Here's your nappies. So funny.

branofthemist · 24/06/2016 06:21

She was about four. She was in a public loo with me when I had to change my ST.

I have never hid my periods and always talked about it in an age appropriate way.

pearlylum · 24/06/2016 06:29

My kids stuck to me like glue when they were toddlers, so as soon as they could walk they watched me change sanitary towels. No big deal to them, A son and a daughter, they are both relaxed about the idea that women have periods.

Shouldwebeworried · 24/06/2016 06:34

She may already know some stuff as we had a talk in school around age 8/9 about periods and some sex stuff. We were told to go and ask our mums about it but I was too embarrassed so never did and my mum never had a proper talk with me. I was consequently embarrassed and used the wrong absorbancy tampons when my period did start as I only had the trial pack they gave us from school. It was only when my mum found me throwing bloody knickers in the bin that she finally discussed it with me and even then she didn't explain it just asked what I needed.
PLEASE talk to your daughter, explain it all, including sex and healthy relationships (in an age appropriate way). It will only strengthen your relationship and will mean she is prepared to deal with her body growing up.

I will also repeat what has been said above - ignorance is not innocence.

Knowing about bodily functions and sex will not corrupt her, but will mean she is safe and informed and more able to make healthy choices.

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