To think my mother laughing at my son's private parts is extremely inappropriate

[Datedthedevil]

I was on holiday with my 68 year old mother last week. One evening whilst changing my three year old son's nappy she walked over, pointed at his bits, laughed and said 'it's like a penis only smaller'

I yelled at her and told her it was very inappropriate and isn't at all funny as it will give him a complex and it's cruel and unkind.

She says he doesn't understand but I don't care. I don't think you should do this to a child.

I was then criticised for being miserable with no sense of humour and a bitch. Am I being unreasonable?

YANBU at all but I'm desperately trying to work out your name now! I'm crap at puzzles.

Actually, thinking about it, I don't think a 3 yr old is necessarily too young to understand this.

My 2 and a half year old would understand the words in that "joke", he would understand that his penis was being laughed at.
He wouldn't understand it in the way an adult would - he wouldn't understand why someone might laugh at the appearance of his penis and he wouldn't understand why some people might find penis size jokes funny in general - but the bit he would understand could well be enough to upset him.

Yeah I'm not sure penis size jokes are right at that age, or indeed any age when it's about a toddler/ child, vs when they decide to make jokes themselves with their peers.

It's weird. Would they say similar about other body parts? Like hands, feet etc? If so I guess it's just their style, but it's not something I'd ever be comfortable with.

I was really shocked when someone babysitting DS said 'when I opened his nappy and that flopped out, well, woah there big boy' ugh, shuddering again at writing it down. Totally inappropriate and weirdly sexual.

I just don't think any of the penis jokes, word play, size references etc have any place around little children, especially not when it's about them.

Yabu. It's a joke. Get over yourself.

I'm good at anagrams Dated 😊

Baby tit rows

You all looked absolutely crazy to me arguing over the OP's nn until I got to the Munster post where they said names had been changed to the one name.

And now I've got done reading all that, what a weird thing to say about a child's penis...

O.o mumsnet post not Munster post...

Very very inappropriate if I were you I would be thinking whether to speak to her again, I mean who says things like that about a baby?

Such a lot of humourless people on here. Surely this is just like someone looking at a newborn's button nose and saying "It's like a nose only smaller"?
I don't see anything sexual in the comment, its just a lighthearted and affectionate remark.

It's very weird to pass comment on a child's genitals. Why would you?

Didyoumean surely if the comment was made in that way then OP wouldn't have taken objection to it? Either way, it just didn't need to be said at all. It's a bit strange to comment on the size of a toddler's genitals, don't you think?

Surely this is just like someone looking at a newborn's button nose and saying "It's like a nose only smaller"?

Only if you've never heard the joke "It's like a penis, only smaller" before.

It's a sexual joke, mocking a man about the size (or presumed size) of his penis. Sometimes women are told to say it to a flasher, to diffuse the situation as they run away.

It's not a factual comment about a little boy's little penis (and even that would be fucking weird), it's a joke. A bad one admittedly, but a joke.

It just doesn't translate to a little boy.

It's because it IS a little boy that it's funny. Its nasty if you say it to an adult (apart from flashers, who deserve it). But obviously a little boy has a small penis so that's why it's a joke.

Poor OP with her username drama, obviously not a troll, just confused!!

Yes...weird to make a penis comment I think. Unless it's to do with cleaning, hygiene etc I can't see how kid's genitals really come up in conversation.

Maybe the OP's mum was embarrassed by you taking the nappy off in front of her. This would be all the more likely if the OP's mum only had daughters. I had a "spinster lady" look at my baby who suddenly sneezed and this lady said "Just like a wee human being". I did not feel the need to scream at her in front of my child or anyone else.
I have no idea why the OP has to jump up and down, shout at her mum, scare the child, and assume it was inappropriate yet think it appropriate to voice on a website to all and sundry that her mum said something and she then shouted at a 68 year old woman. The verbal abuse of a pensioner is not acceptable (see Action on Elder Abuse). Verbally abusing anyone is never good. Why on earth would a chance remark at the age of 3 give this child a complex. She also mentions having a child over 3 in nappies! Mine wasn't but then maybe my kids were not affected by chance remarks.
Get over it.

Do you think she was embarrassed at the sight of a penis? Silly remark to make, particularly as your DS is old enough to understand what is going on around him. You were a bit silly to overreact too. You lost the moral high ground when you lost your temper.

It's really weird she'd even say it. Let alone laugh at it.

Has she form for this sort of stuff, or is this a one off?

It isnt a joke as it isn't funny. It is nasty. Unfunny people say nasty things for cheap laughs. Then when called out on it they usually say the other person doesnt have a sense of humour.

Huh.
I'm all for laughing about penises, let's face it, they are ridiculous, but I am very much against teaching children wrong things about the world.

A tiny penis is a penis, and a 3 year old has a right to know the facts and not be confused by an elderly woman who thinks she's being funny.

Also, laughing at children is not okay.

YANBU. Tell her to stop it or she won't be allowed to see him again.

It was a bit mean but I think you over reacted did your son notice at all?

VestalVirgin - Why is it that every time a Mumsnetter's mum says something that the Mumnetter does not like the answer is to stop the grandchild and the grandmother seeing each other?

It just seems to me that Mumnetters are using children to control grandparents and at the same time in some cases use the grandparents as unpaid childminders.
A modicum of good sense would be a more acceptable way forward

I don't understand the poster who said penises don't come up n conversation.

My family/friends and I talk about penises regularly!

Also, laughing at children is not okay.

In this situation, perhaps not, but I think laughing at children is actually extremely okay in a lot of circumstances.

DustOffYourHighestHopes "I don't understand the poster who said penises don't come up n conversation. My family/friends and I talk about penises regularly!"

Really? Why's that? Do you regularly talk about other body parts with your family/friends?