Friend is not speaking to me because I didn't come to her child's birthday

[SmellyTelly]

Her child turned two I said I will go but in the end just didn't want to. I told her I was hung over.
I didn't want to go because I don't have children, I avoid kids parties unless they are my family even then I don't want to go plus I wouldn't know anyone who was going to be there.

I told her I will meet her within the week but I didn't because I have been going through a lot and have two court cases coming up.
She doesn't know any of this nor will I tell her our friendship isn't like that.

Was I wrong here?
I have known her for 10 plus years but we aren't close if that makes sense. I am childless

Lesson learned - honesty is the best policy?

Answer to the original invite, "thanks but you know I'm not confident with groups of children so how about meeting on X instead?"

Then sticking to it!

Are you jelous or bored of her?
Sounds like you don't want really this friendship any more I suspect she's had enough now too

You chose the wrong lie basically. Have I lied because I've realised I don't want to attend a social engagement? Yes, many times.

Saying you're too hungover is never the one to go for.

SmellyTelly I agree with Lilacpink honesty would have been better.

YANBU to say yes to original party invite when you thought it was small.

YANBU when you decided you did not want to go with 30 other people.

But you should have been upfront and told her.

You've mentioned court cases which sounds like there is lots going on and maybe you need to take stock of all this and work through it all.

Are you bored with her, in which case maybe you need to negotiate a different kind of friendship.

Are you jealous that she has settled down?

In your shoes I'd sort out some of the things going on, maybe get some help with these things, buy a little gift for your friend's child and explain what has been going on and why you've let her down at time.

If she is a true friend she will forgive you and you can move on.

Good luck.

Next time just say "I'm sorry but children's parties simply aren't my thing - at least until I have my own kids and then I'll be in trouble!" or similar.

BUT a child's birthday can be incredibly important to the parent, unbelievably important in a way you won't believe until you have your own! So the delay in meeting up to hand over the gift is quite a big thing to your friend and she'll feel snubbed and she'll feel that you snubbed her child, which is another big thing.

You do have a lot to worry about atm, so not going to the party is actually fine, and not meeting up in the week after is also reasonable, but you have snubbed her child and that is simply not OK. Do you see where I'm coming from?

To you, it's not too bad, to most people it's not too bad, to her it's a lot worse. So you need to get back into her good books.

Um I will say, given that I've recently celebrated my daughter's first birthday, her birthday party wasn't that important to me. The actual day, yes it is, had little cry and felt quite emotional that my husband and I had kept a tiny human alive for a whole year, but that was our moment. A couple of very close friends couldn't attend and I didn't bad an eyelid. I'm very aware that whilst I adore her and find her fascinating, friends living some distance away don't feel the same or think spending £50+ to attend a baby's birthday party is a good life choice. Not offended.

All that said, if a friend had said they couldn't attend because they were hungover, I'd think they were an arse.

I don't really think it matters if you're not that bothered by kids. It was a one of party, how bad could if have really been. I'm not really an art fan but if my friend had an exhibition on I'd go along and support them because it was important to my friend.
...but then, I actually like my friends...

Clearly to THIS friend it WAS important though.

We all have different things that push our buttons -to some a party isn't a big thing and to others it is huge. Frankly it doesn't matter if you think it's important or not - it's how important it is to your friend -as we care about our friends and wouldn't want to upset them.

Whilst it might be perfectly acceptable to say to your partying single friends that you are cancelling because you are still recovering from last night's partying because they will get it - to say it to a Mum you are essentially saying "I prioritized a boozy night out above celebrating what you feel is huge landmark in yours and your family's life and my social life is more important to me than your child.

The fact you felt you needed to lie to someone you've known for ten years might make you reassess what find of friendship you have (or had if she's really upset with you) sometimes friendships simply don't survive when one person moves on to the home and child phase and the other is still in the party phase - others do but it usually takes a bit of effort -and honesty.

If you treated me like you treated your friend I'd just think you were too much work and would probably go cold on you too. Twice you said you'll do something (go to party, drop around during week) and twice you've just not bothered abd expect her to understand. So yeah, YABU to expect her to respond to you.

I've read your previous thread (twice because I thought I might have missed something!) - I'm baffled as to why you thought the message was "make an excuse and don;t go" because the majority of people either said - go for as long as you can stand it/go for an hour or they said - arrange to go round another time. You did neither. You didn't really make any effort at all.

Several people said it would be rude to back out if you've already accepted (even some of those who said don't go if you don't want to)

Although I would rather stab myself in the arse than go to a second birthday party, I think it's rude to have accepted and then pulled out.

If you didn't want to go you should have said so/made excuses when invited.

I can see why she's annoyed.