To think it is not childish to not pick up this mess

[itstimeforchange]

...made by my DH. To think that he can jolly well pick up his own mess.

I am the only who who really tidies up the floor in this house (note: I work, he doesn't!) which is annoying regardless, but yesterday he cut something out for the kids and I turned around to see this. I asked him if he'd made that mess or if the kids had just chucked the bits of the floor, but no, it was him. I was surprised, but said something like, "oh right, well could you pick them up at some point please."

This morning they were still on the floor and I asked him if he was going to pick them up (before they got spread across the room) and he extremely begrudgingly said " YEssss...." I said good because I would rather not for once. He mumbled under his breath that that was really childish. AIBU to think that not picking up your own mess is more childish than not being a complete pushover ALL the time?! The only reason I do so much tidying in the first place is because it drives me potty (and because it's mostly made by the kids, not him. They tidy up really well when encouraged, so it's only still there because he's not asked them to tidy)...

To add to it all I have a health condition which makes me constantly tired, and yet he wonders why I can't rest when the house is a pig sty for weeks on end!

/rant over

He's being lazy! Yes you could pick it up but he's a grown up too and being as you do the lion share last time I checked a relationship was a partnership not one does all.

YANBU.

Why doesn't he work? Is he a SAHP or just a lazy bugger?

Why doesn't he work? He should be doing the lion's share of the housework if he's hanging round all day, surely?

Hes a lazy git. Tidying is clearly your job in his head. Put an end to that now! Fwiw, even if it had been the kids, its still his job to pick it up. Them being his kids and it being his home and all.

I wouldn't pick them up either. But I do consider myself childish :) I also put DHs crap on his pillow rather than putting it away so he can't go to sleep until he's done it... I am not ashamed.

MrsSpecter I know, I guess what I mean is that for my own sanity I will pick up their mess without feeling quite so bad because I know they did it not him. His upbringing was obviously v different to mine - we cleared up after ourselves as kids; I don't think he ever had to (I get the impression that even as a teen he didn't have to).

We've only swapped roles since September so he's still getting used to it, but he chose to stay at home after losing him last job coz he "didn't want to work" anymore and thought I might be better health-wise with some time away from the kids (true).

In answer to your questions he's a stay-at-home dad. Eldest is at school, younger two in nursery 3 days a week. Don't mind too much him not working at the moment, but he also doesn't think he needs to bother looking for work for sept, when our younger ones (twins) start school. I've told him he has to (I would've been if we were the other way round) because he's just being lazy.

To top it off I got made redundant recently so we're actually living off job seekers, etc. while I try and find another post. He still seems to think it's fine.

cantchoose I sometimes do stuff like that but all he does is relocate it all (to the floor)...

Wow, sounds like you have a bigger problem than him leaving some paper on the floor.

He doesn't want to work, yet is happy for you to, even though you have health issues?

Sounds lazy, selfish and disrespectful. What does he bring to your life?

IMO he should start looking for work now.

what a lazy arse he is - sorry but why are you tidying up after the kids of he is the SAHP - NO just stop - you are feeding his laziness.

So this isnt about the floor is it? The floor is just the straw that broke the camels back.

When H got made redundant I was a SAHM because DD was a baby. The day after it happened we both started banging out applications on the basis that a job, any job, to bring money into the house was the priority, not keeping to our previously defined roles. As it was, I got a job first.

I am afraid it sounds like you dont have a SAHP there, but a cocklodger who is using having preschoolers as an excuse.

You have a health problem and you were working and doing more housework than him?!Why?and so what if he didn't pick up after himself as a child he's no longer a child he's an adult and a father,it's about time he learned OP!

He has 3 days child free,then he should be doing all the housework and any cooking at least on those 3 days.

Won't look for a job,OP your making it sound like he has a choice he doesn't,he's a grown arse man with a wife and children it's time he stepped up and acted his age.

I think generally (in the head of LemonPledge) as an adult in this situation the rule would be - you make the mess you clear it up.

YANBU

Are you my sister as she has a cockles her why sounds the same. Yanbu
He need to take part and do.

Not cockles...cocklodger

Yes, he is definitely lazy, selfish and disrespectful. He is also a great father, cook and, at the very least, is free childcare? Haha.

Seriously though. It's long been a problem. Since our switch in roles he has become far better because he's had to be. I really try not to tidy up after him, and succeed lots of the time, but I do get to a point where I have to say something coz the kids literally have no space to play. He obviously just doesn't see why it matters. (And yet HAS noticed positive change in the kids when the room is tidy.) His priorities are slightly odd -- he will do the laundry (yes) and water the veg he planted (fine), and cut the grass (hardly important when it's been tipping down and the kids don't even play on that bit of the garden much - nor does he care what it looks like, so I don't really get it). But basically nothing else except stare at his computer all day. That's about it. Oh I must be fair, he does cook, which is actually a lifesaver for me, and he does 3 days of the school run.

I have told him a few times that not getting a job from sept is not an option. However, making him accept that (even if I succeeded) is totally different to him actually applying to any jobs.... :(

All of this is partly due to lack of fulfillment -- he was made redundant from his perfect job about 15 years ago and has never got back into the field. But he won't as yet do any training courses (they're either "rubbish" or "horrendously expensive") so he's kind of stuck! He does write (2 novels and a play) which is great, but says himself that generally most people only make money from books 5-10 years down the line. Leaving me thinking, ok, what are we going to do in the meantime, then...?!

CantChoose now thats a good idea i'm going to use this one (my dp will probably just move it onto the floor and go to sleep though)

"he will do the laundry (yes) and water the veg he planted (fine), and cut the grass (hardly important when it's been tipping down and the kids don't even play on that bit of the garden much - nor does he care what it looks like, so I don't really get it). But basically nothing else except stare at his computer all day. That's about it. Oh I must be fair, he does cook, which is actually a lifesaver for me, and he does 3 days of the school run."

Actually it doesnt surprise me that these are the things he will do, theyre all "small effort, big payoff" items. Does he do all the washing up after the cooking, or does he leave that for you to do?