"Benefits scum" ***[[ quote marks added by MNHQ for clarity ]]

[TheseLittleEarthquakes]

I've had three separate conversations this weekend when this term has come up. My mother got wind of me applying for PIP and let me know in no uncertain terms that she thinks it's disgusting as DH earns a good wage, and I'm not actually 'disabled'.

Then my sister was complaining about the ratio of disabled spaces to p&c spaces and told me in a shocked way that you can get a blue badge even if you can walk, and that its scummy of people with MH issues for eg to have a blue badge. She said that benefits scum were making it hard for parents (wtf?).

And then thirdly my mum was having a bitch about her niece, who has never worked and has a child, and how she's living the 'benefits lifestyle' when benefits should only ever be a safety net and not a lifestyle choice.

I'm on ESA and have been for a over a year. I'm applying for PIP. I have quite serious MH issues.

AIBU to think my family are just utter arseholes and that all these comments are really fucking hurtful? I ended up just walking away from all three conversations because I don't have the headspace to argue with them.

I have two friends who get PIP for mental health conditions. One has bi-polar disorder and the other got PIP for depressive anxiety disorder which is so severe she cannot leave the house. She has since developed a degenerative spinal disorder and now gets a higher rate with a blue badge. On the rare occasions she is able to leave the house we take the badge with us. However as she needs a wheelchair her disability is all too obvious now.

Both got PIP on first application but had to be seen and assessed before it was agreed which in the case of my agoraphobic friend was a nightmare. She sobbed all the way through the assessment and was vomiting by the end of it. I was there to give support but it was still a horrendous ordeal for her. She is on a whole plethora of drugs so it's not a case of "pull yourself together" she has significant disabilities.

I love all the people assuming that what the mother says about the niece is gospel truth. She might well believe it to be so, but I think it's highly likely that she doesn't have the full/accurate story. If it is true then withdrawing benefits will greatly harm the child, who could probably do with more not less support. Again, that's if it's true.

I also love that on mumsnet it is absolute heresy to say that being a sahm isn't a job/is easy - unless the mother in question is on benefits, in which case they're just lounging around doing nothing all day.

YANBU, I called out a friend's DP over this arsehole attitude this year.

The DP has spent far too long publicly slating people that "his taxes" pay for, both in social settings and online.

On the last judgy fucker FB picture he shared (women drinking wine under the heading, "Tax Credits are for nappies- not nights out") I pointed out that when you only work 16 hours a week, are heavily topped up by tax credits yourself and have most of your rent paid for, you should think carefully before forcing that view on other people, or they might end up viewing you the same way

I was actually drinking wine at the time

I agree Margaret!

It sometimes appears that SAHM is only a noble job if you have made a choice to do it - if you've had your hand forced (by illness or marital breakdown) you instantly become a benefits dependant and therefore lesser.

Huge hugs to everyone out there struggling by the way - mental, physical, chronic illness & carers.
It's a shit daily grind at times

Violet

Ha ha mango my friend didn't fall out with me over it, thankfully- she actually agreed that he likes to project an image of himself that is a bit rose tinted total bullshit
If you can dish out judgment of others, you need to make sure your actions in the same context are beyond reproach.

Its far too easy to claim to be someones carer and then claim carers allowance and all the other top up benefits
Total bollocks! You can't just "claim" to be a carer, the system doesn't work like that at all.
You clearly have no understanding of what it is like to claim PIP. "Putting it on at the GP's" won't achieve anything.

The people that genuinely need benefits of any kind are in the minority.
Do you mean the minority of people as a whole or the minority of claimants?

Its based on my own family experiences not some government statistics.
Does that not strike you as somewhat dim?

I'm sure if I'd challenged them they'd have said, 'oh I don't mean YOU'

I'm not at all sure that's true. In any situation of gross generalisation, the speaker doesn't realise they are talking about hundreds/thousands of YOUs.

And that's why we should always challenge it when we feel strong enough. Every time we can we should try to say "What, like me, you mean? ... No, you did mean me because you said xyz and that's me."

People should read a bit about claiming PIP and carers allowance before mouthing off about how they are easy to get, and embarrassing themselves.

Margaret, I agree!

I know of a family person who has heart problems caused by a number of strokes but certain relatives of hers spread rumours that she has faked it and doesn't deserve her BB!! As another poster sarcastically put it, she must have been so good at faking her own MRIs etc

So other people with less evident problems get put on fire because of this attitude. Coincidentally the family that instigate the benefits bashing also hate immigrants. Let me remember where their parents and DH came from (on a spouse visa).......

We have lived in a council property for a number of years and when I said that we were about to buy a house (already done by now) she was jumping in glee declaring how much we had changed in her eyes

I had to educate her that the fact that we lived in a council property didn't mean that it was for free and we paid full rent, council tax, service charges, all our bills, taxes through DH job etc.

She had started off by saying that IL had a massive portfolio of properties abroad (their country of origin) and I know for a fact that they don't because they can't afford it. I found out that she thought that both ILs were earning a massive amount in benefits and I had to enlighten her about the fact that this was all nonsense and what was wrong with each of my ILs. But not in too much detail for her liking as I never ask people if they are on benefits, how much they are given, what the exact nature of their various diseases is but the judgmental attitude and lack of empathy really depresses me. I would like to know what would happen to them if the source of all their house deposits, university fees etc. (their father) dies and they have to rely on benefits? Some people never appreciate anything they have.