"Benefits scum" ***[[ quote marks added by MNHQ for clarity ]]

[TheseLittleEarthquakes]

I've had three separate conversations this weekend when this term has come up. My mother got wind of me applying for PIP and let me know in no uncertain terms that she thinks it's disgusting as DH earns a good wage, and I'm not actually 'disabled'.

Then my sister was complaining about the ratio of disabled spaces to p&c spaces and told me in a shocked way that you can get a blue badge even if you can walk, and that its scummy of people with MH issues for eg to have a blue badge. She said that benefits scum were making it hard for parents (wtf?).

And then thirdly my mum was having a bitch about her niece, who has never worked and has a child, and how she's living the 'benefits lifestyle' when benefits should only ever be a safety net and not a lifestyle choice.

I'm on ESA and have been for a over a year. I'm applying for PIP. I have quite serious MH issues.

AIBU to think my family are just utter arseholes and that all these comments are really fucking hurtful? I ended up just walking away from all three conversations because I don't have the headspace to argue with them.

I thought you couldn't get ESA if you had a husband earning a good wage? Is it just for a limited time?

So none of these people claim child benefits or tax credits then do they?

And I presume the people making these comments are net tax contributors too?

The assessor came to my house. When they phoned to make the appointment they offered me 8:00am in a city centre 1hr15 away. There was no parking within 50m and it was on a third floor with a temperamental lift. I said I couldn't do that so they offered me a home visit straight away.

DH was here with me. We both cried quite a bit. The assessor was really, really nice tbf. She took longer than she should have and listened. She did say I could do things that I can't, but the decision maker ignored that and went by my medical notes, the form I had filled in and my old DLA file.

I got a BB without claiming pip (DLA as it was then) back in 2008. I don't know if things have changed now. (My GP signed a form I got from the council)
I only really used it on bad days and thanks to an excellent drug I started in 2009 (I have ms) I was able to bin my renewal forms when they came in 2011.

Lol that I'd have been judged as "benefit scum" on the days I used it when I've never claimed a bean all my adult life.

And I'm the same as a pp. Very fee people know I'm on ESA. Not even a couple of members of my family.
I'm also awaiting an appointment with a neurosurgeon too as they're talking about putting me through brain surgery again the first time in 17years. But yay! to the free little money I get for being poorly.

If you aren't in a wheelchair or have some other obvious outward signs then some people just can't accept that you can be disabled.

I agree with supermansmile that those who think like this, are often totally unable/unwilling to change their thinking, and to even attempt to try and persuade them otherwise, is a waste of time and energy.

It is hurtful, infuriating (to the point of tears in my case) and belittling to come up against this sort of crap and to be made to be feel you are a fraud, both in terms of your actual illness and by claiming any benefits you are eligible for because of it.

There is no answer except to not engage in fruitless conversations/arguments about it. The worst person in my life for this was my late Father who because there were few outward signs of the genetic condition I have, just couldn't accept that my constant sprains, strains, bruising, poor healing, fatigue and lots of other things, weren't just 'clumsiness' and malingering. So so hurtful. You have my empathy OP.

It's contribution based ESA and I'm in the support group so it's not time limited.

What a vile attitude. A person can be healthy and have money in the bank and all it takes is an accident or injury to change things and they they will be come 'benefits scum'

I had a row with my sister the other day when she told me her son hadn't got a place at the nursery attached to the school she teaches in. She said a new leader had started who wanted to do things by the book (of course!!) so parents on benefits were more likely to have their children accepted. My sister was so annoyed because until the new leader started, TEACHERS' children had been prioritised!! And that was ok!!!

I couldn't believe how spiteful she was being. She was basically saying it was ok for HER children to be prioritised as she was a teacher, but not poorer children or those in more need. I was pretty disgusted, to be honest.

Have you considered that sharing your every waking thought with these people is probably a form of self harm in itself? They're never going to give you the validation you crave.

Unfortunately.

What do you mean by time limited These? I'm in the support group. Been in it a year but already had to fill in the ESA50 forms again.

I tell you one thing. The benefits scum brigade who also claim tax credits will be eating their words. When the new rules about having to look for full time work comes into effect. They won't be so smug then doing their 20 hours per week
Goes around comes around eh.

dailymaillazyjournos you'd think that wouldn't you? My appeal made me physically ill and I had to dash out the courtroom. Lady waiting to go in after me was in a wheelchair. I mean, I can get whilst I'm appealing, I'm a young woman with a range of complex hidden illnesses but a poor lady in a wheelchair having to appeal is just awful.

They can still have one parent working part time depending on the ages of their children, and lone parents will be able to do just 20 hours if their children are ? under 12. Righly so in my opinion.

The people that genuinely need benefits of any kind are in the minority.

Its far too easy to claim to be someones carer and then claim carers allowance and all the other top up benefits. I know this as 3 of my family members are claiming carers allowance for people who dont bloody need it!!

They will openly admit this within the family. As a high tax payer i cant even get child benefit and it really pisses me off when people put it on at the GP and at consultation appointments to get PIP and qualify for a "carer"

Im not saying everyone is like this but what i am saying is that the people who claim benefits like PIP and carers allowance and genuinely are entitled to it are in the minority

What a load of bullshit, SaveSomeSpendSome

Is it means tested?

People look down on people on benefits and it is very sad. I was abused very badly by an old neighbour, the police did absolutely nothing because I was on benefits and had MH issues, this particular neighbour also went on to tell me how "I don't pay rent" Like that means she is better than me or something.
Funny thing is she was only working part time and got done for benefit fraud for not declaring her hours (which I did grass her up for btw).
Its always the ones who have the most to say.

Ignore them.

You're right. They're wrong. (And grossly insensitive).

Savesome, I actually cannot be arsed to type out your whole name. Since you seen to think that GPS are in charge of pip decisions it is clear you know less than nothing about the process. Making a claim is highly stressful and if an award is made it is very probable that it is correct and deserved.

Being disabled is firstly shit and secondly bloody expensive. I've recently been obliged to reapply for pip a whole year before it is due. This is apparently ok although I have no idea whatsoever when the claim will be dealt with. So months of uncertainty.

I totally get the issue of family and friends not understanding the whole thing. I only share this with very close people in my life.

Bollocks SaveSome.

I can't claim ESA because I've been disabled since I had my children but wanted to work so only worked part time, term time. When I had to give up work because I couldn't do it any longer I hadn't paid enough contributions so I accept that.

DH works his bollocks off. He's in the RAF and also cares for me, does house work, cooking etc. We've never been eligible for tax credits, apart from £40 a month for a couple of years. Now DS2 is at uni his bursary, doesn't even cover his rent, so we have to pay for all his food. He, also has a part time job. DS1 is in the army.

Our family pays a shit load of tax. I will not feel gulity for claiming PIP. My life is fucking shit. It's not easy to claim PIP. It's horrible, it's demoralising, it makes you feel like shit. It made me feel like I was going cap in hand,

The fraud rate for DLA and PIP is less than 1% so maybe next time get your facts right?

OP - I hear you. Luckily my familly are not like that at all but I have enough personal embarrassment and shame to beat myself up, can't imagine what it's like to have loved ones opinions making it worst.

I've suffered with depression, suicidal urges (father committed suicide when I was 9) and anxiety since my late teens. I worked for the same employer from age 19 for over 15 years. In 2014 my health got really bad and in the end I was off work for a long time, eventually I was given ill health retirement, which is rare for a MH issue and because I was only 34.

I currently get PIP (started getting that even when I was still employed (off sick) and I also get ESA.

I had never claimed benefits since I was 18 when I got JSA before getting a job at 19. Do I feel like a second class citizen for claiming benefits, dam right I do!

I hate calling my MH problems a disability, I feel it is unfair to others with severe mobility problems or lifelong conditions, but it is a recognised disability and is covered by the EA 2010. Still doesn't feel right.

As for blue badges, I would imagine you have to have some sort of mobility / heart / breathing / muscular condition to get one, they definitely aren't just handed out!

I hope you feel better soon OP, perhaps get your family to watch a sensible documentry on disabilites!

Nope people that genuinely need benefits are the majority , over 99% in relation to dla/pip.