AIBU to call in sick

[reallysomepeople]

To go away for a few days? Long story short my best friends child was diagnosed with Cancer a few months ago. It's a very aggressive cancer and the odds are not in their favour (9-12 months but we are praying for longer and they are doing really well.) We are all devastated and trying to support/help/love as much as we can.

We (me, my dd and dh) have been asked to go on their make a wish holiday with bf. Obviously I said yes of course we would be honoured. Mentioned it to my boss who knows about the situation and she said maybe but not if it's this summer??? (As its a very busy time.)The dates have come through and obviously it is this summer holiday.

So AIBU to just say sod it I am going and thats it and call in sick for the week? I will add I don't like my job very much and I am looking elsewhere but not a lot about at the minute.

[AnecdotalEvidence]

I think lying about the dates is an absolutely terrible idea. Suppose this poor child dies before October and you need time off for the funeral?
The you tell your boss he has died, you go to the funeral and cancel the holiday.

[ilovesooty]

Sorry I still think that claiming non existent sickness is not a good idea.

[MistyReverie]

Hello OP, no don't phone in sick but do go on the holiday.
Make it very clear that this is a a necessity and you won't get another shot at it because you won't. Be truthful, see what she says and work from there. I wouldn't want to work with or for someone who deemed a busy work place more important than being with a child who is coming to the end of their life ( or adult for that matter).
However I am a nurse who has worked with patients of all ages at the end stage of their life and believe that the people that person wants with them at the end of their journey should be there. For that person and for themselves. You are obviously very close to them so try and ensure you go.
There are many things people regret about there decisions in life, losing a shitty job is rarely one of them ( I haven't had this come up once when talking to people), not being there for those they love when they wanted/needed to be comes up time and again.
Having said all that I hope once you speak plainly with your boss she will be agreeable and you won't have to worry.
Sorry for the long reply! I'm off to bed now as I have a 14hr shift starting at seven. 😬

[Mbear]

I think she meant that she had not had any sick or emergency leave absences in the last 12 months..?

[reallysomepeople]

Yes I meant that I hadn't had any sick/parental/emergency etc leave. I have had a holiday since I started.

You have all given me a lot to consider. I am so shocked by my boss she was so dismissive. At the time I wanted to tell her to shove it tbh.

[Obeliskherder]

Ah sorry, I took no time off to mean no leave.

All the same, I think I'd pursue it in other ways rather than call in sick.

[MapMyMum]

Hold on - when you spoke to your boss you didnt know dates and she said 'maybe not this summer'... that isnt a refusal. Go in now with the set dates and reiterate 1 the importance of this holiday, cannot be rescheduled etc and 2 what a good employee you are, no time off working extra hours etc...
IF she then refuses, tell her that you will be going, you cannot let down a dying child and that you will help arrange cover for that week.

[scarlets]

Tell your boss the date. If it's a "no", tell them that you'll resign. If work is genuinely busy that'll galvanise them into finding a solution that suits everyone - they won't want to lose you. Good luck.

[Littlemisslovesspiders]

Tell your boss the date. If it's a "no", tell them that you'll resign

Sorry but that's blackmail.

Somehow you need to get them to agree but that isn't the way. Especially if you aren't prepared to go through with your 'threat'

[KoalaDownUnder]

Some of the suggestions here are really unprofessional.

You haven't even told your boss the exact dates yet. Make a time to meet her, go in and tell her the dates and how important it is to you. Also point out how hard you've been working. Be willing to work with her on finding a solution.

Don't lie, don't make threats, and stay calm and polite.

If the answer is no, then decide whether to resign.

[agnesf]

I'm not an employment lawyer but surely if you haven't had any holiday for 12 months you are entitled to some.

Additionally if you are so indispensible to the company then, even if they don't like it, you have the upper hand in this situation. Maybe its time to threaten to leave.

However I do agree - taking a sickie is dishonest and you should avoid it even if everyone else thinks this is ok.

[EBearhug]

You've already been told you can't take the leave in the summer holidays, because they'll be too busy. Have you looked at your holiday chart or however it's managed, to see who else is off that week? How much of an issue would it really cause, if you were off that week too? It's usually easier to cope with a planned absence than unplanned , because you've got time to make sure other people will be available for meetings, point of contact or whatever.

Your options:

1. Don't go. Unacceptable to you.
   
2. Request the time, showing how your workload will be covered when you go. There's a high risk the request will still be rejected, and if you then go, it's going to look very suspicious if you're then sick that week, which cold benough sackable.
   
3. Lie. Book the time for October, go when it actually is, calling in sick. There is less risk of being found out than with option 2, but if found out, the consequences will be the same.
   
4. Start jobhunting and get your resignation in. The risk here is that if you don't find another job quickly, you'll have time unemployed, though arguably in a better position than if that is the result from 2 or 3, because you're more likely to get a reference with this one.
   
   Option 1 isn't acceptable to you. Option 2 would be best if it works in your favour, but worst if it doesn't. Option 4 is more honest than option 3. I guess it comes down to how much are you prepared to risk getting sacked? If you get found out by going when you've been told you can't then 2 and 3 have at least as high a risk of time with no income as 4, and probably a longer time our of work, as employers won't be keen on you having been sacked.
   
   So I think it comes down to what you can square your conscience. I am glad it's not my decision and whichever way you go, I hope you can all appreciate the time together.

[Vickyyyy]

You say you don't particularly like the job. My plan here would be to start looking for something else. Tell your boss this. Explain about the holiday you need to take. You might find they are a bit more lenient when they realise that this whole being an arsehole thing may have pushed you away from the workplace fullstop.

Its slightly devious to 'imply' it has anything to do with that but meh. Boss sounds like a bit of a wanker anyway. If they still won't allow you time off..IF you can afford a few months of no pay and are likely to walk into another job (depends what you do, if skilled/in demand then it should be fine) at that stage I would leave anyway even without another job lined up.

However, my advice may not be the best. I am slightly impulsive and don't tend to think things through properly. But I would find a way to go. Absolutely.

If you cannot afford to leave the job without something else lined up, then I would pull the sickie at that point tbh.

[Vickyyyy]

Posted before finishing.

However realize there is a very large chance you may be sacked for it. And if not management may become more arsey with you in future.

[TooMuchMNTime]

oh
if you've had annual leave this is different I think, I thought you meant you had no time at all.

I would still point out to her that you have an annual leave allocation but if you've taken time off, I'm not sure really.

[PurpleRainDiamondsandPearls]

I don't know if you missed the posts but a few of us have asked what the implications would be for your family if your lost your job. You need to consider this and weigh up the pros and cons. Difficult situation and I have every sympathy.

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

Sorry to mention this, but it's a bit noticeable that the first and only option mentioned in the original post is lying about this - nothing about other options but just "should I call in sick?"

I completely understand you wanting to go, but don't forget that few of us are as indispensable as we'd like to think - and as a PP said, with only a year's service you're in a vulnerable position. Since you've said losing the job would be a problem, I guess if you explain things calmly and truthfully and they still won't agree, it's got to be a balance between how much the holiday matters, against what may well happen if you choose to lie and it's discovered

[ilovesooty]

It's one thing to resign from your job because this is crucial for you and nothing can be worked out despite you making every effort to sort a solution with management. I'd employ someone looking for re-employment in that situation. I'd not even consider someone who'd been sacked for dishonesty around sick leave.

[BreakerofChains]

Your boss will know that you are lying and you will be sacked.

It's a difficult situation but you need to consider your family too, not just your best friend and her child.

[TooMuchMNTime]

Also, with the additional info you've taken holiday - have you taken all of it? - then if you have used it all up then effectively you are asking for compassionate leave which, sorry to say, you may need for any number of reasons, especially after the child is gone.

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

You raise an interesting point about compassionate leave, TooMuch, and while I'd expect it to be granted if this was OP's own child, I wonder if the employers would be quite so open to the idea since it's not?

OP it's absolutely lovely that the parents have asked you to go, but I'm wondering if they'd be quite so keen if it means you risking your job and family welfare?

[TooMuchMNTime]

I think the other thing with compassionate leave is the pre planning and the fact it's holiday. I've been allowed to use compassionate leave for a close friend who was suddenly hospitalised - her family are in another country and I'm her closest friend.

but it's different to ring work and say you've got an issue with the emergency admission of a loved one - very different than "a last holiday with someone I love". I still think the boss is beyond an asshole for saying no - unless the OP is doing something like emergency surgery cover? - but I just think most places would ask you to take it from planned leave, mostly because it is planned leave!

[OnTheEdgeOfItAll]

Take the dates to your boss, reiterate the circumstances. Request holiday. If declined, state that you understand if they would prefer you to resign, but that you cannot let the family of the sick child down. Explain that it has been a very hard decision, and that you don't want to leave, that you are committed to the job but cannot delay this time off.
It must be sorely tempting to do your contracted hours and not go above and beyond when your boss behaves like this.

[Caravanoflove]

I would say write to your boss and say that you intend to take he leave and why. I had my nanny do this to me after I turned down their request for unpaid leave with 6 months notice (no annual leave left, wanted to take a week unpaid on top of the extra two weeks annual leave I had already given as goodwill, in the middle of the school holidays, to go on a family holiday to Spain, leaving me with no childcare over the period I specifically employed her for).
She had already obviously booked the holiday before asking me and I just couldn't find a way to cover additional childcare for half the school holidays.
Anyway she took advice which was to tell me in writing this is what she was doing and legally I could only give her a warning, not sack her as her record was clear otherwise.

[Caravanoflove]

Sorry that was meant to say 6 days notice!