AIBU to call in sick

[reallysomepeople]

To go away for a few days? Long story short my best friends child was diagnosed with Cancer a few months ago. It's a very aggressive cancer and the odds are not in their favour (9-12 months but we are praying for longer and they are doing really well.) We are all devastated and trying to support/help/love as much as we can.

We (me, my dd and dh) have been asked to go on their make a wish holiday with bf. Obviously I said yes of course we would be honoured. Mentioned it to my boss who knows about the situation and she said maybe but not if it's this summer??? (As its a very busy time.)The dates have come through and obviously it is this summer holiday.

So AIBU to just say sod it I am going and thats it and call in sick for the week? I will add I don't like my job very much and I am looking elsewhere but not a lot about at the minute.

[AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected]

Lana that's not true, its against the law for them to stop you taking your entitlement of holidays, but you can't take them whenever you like, e.g. teachers have to take them in school holidays, nurses can't all take Christmas off. They are all entitled to whatever amt of days their contract have and their employer HAS to allow them to take that amount, but they have a right to turn down certain days.

[reallysomepeople]

Eveonline- That is again how I feel my job seems so minor and irrelevant in these circumstances.

Adulting- I had every intention of being honest and asking for the time off, but when I mentioned it I was told not during the summer holidays!

As we are so busy I will be working way more than my contract the rest of the summer and on call pretty much the whole time. I am currently covering for another dept holiday and working way beyond my contract. I have never taken any time off or been late in the last 12 months (since I started. ) and am always do so much more than asked. I am gobsmacked they would consider saying no.

[PatMullins]

I'd go.

[seasonticket]

You have to go but don't call in sick.

[EveOnline2016]

I would go off with stress. After all the extra work load and going behind what is expected is a cause of stress

[Citizensmith1]

I think your boss is a complete wanker. FFS how can s/he know the reasons for you wanting the time off and say no - do they not realise that there may not be a next summer for your friends child? I'm so sorry for you, and I hope for a miracle & there is a next summer and a summer after that and after that for the next 80 years. But if there's a chance there won't be your boss is a heartless bastard.

I think you would really regret if you didn't go on the holiday. I don't think I'd ring in sick & give them the satisfaction of sacking you if you got found out - and if you do ring in sick they may well realise you're doing it to go on holiday.

I think I would tell them I want to take it unpaid & if they can't accommodate you, you will leave.

And to the poster who said throwing a sickie was stealing from your company - I don't think most employers would ring in sick to go on holiday - would they? Are you seriously saying a duvet day once a year is stealing from the workplace? Sorry, I disagree.

[Obeliskherder]

If you've had no leave in the last 12 months I'd think that's a better avenue to force their hand than calling in sick.

[MummyBex1985]

OP if you've only been there for a year then they can sack you for any non discriminatory reason without you being able to sue for unfair dismissal. You're in a very precarious position.

I don't mean to sound like I don't sympathise, because I do, but you aren't talking about a close relative here - you're talking about a friends child. I get that it's tough. But legally speaking, your employer wouldn't be unreasonable in refusing the time off. If you go off sick having pre warned them about a potential upcoming holiday for a terminally ill person which then never materialises, don't you think that in itself would be sufficiently suspicious?

Please try and go through the correct channels and keep some power over the situation - it's horrible enough as it is without you being sacked too.

[lougle]

"LanaorAna1

Well, you've got to go on the holiday. And it's against the law for employers to tell you when you can and can't take holiday, so book it and remind them of this if they kick off."

That's a really common misconception. Your employer can actually tell you exactly when to take each and every day of your annual leave. So I wouldn't follow that advice.

"I don't see why saying I am going despite not being granted leave is any better than phoning in sick surely that will definitely get me fired?"

In the first situation you have given advance warning of your absence, you have kept your integrity by being honest, you've acknowledged that the boss is unwilling to grant the leave, but have explained that this holiday is too important to miss given the reason for it.

In the second situation, you've actively lied, you'll have to conceal the lie and maintain it. You've lost your integrity, your boss will suspect even if she doesn't know. Your boss will feel compelled to do something about it, and even if she chooses not to, you've damaged your relationship.

[lougle]

Citizensmith1 yes, a duvet day is lying and stealing from your workplace if you are not genuinely unfit for work and you are being paid sick pay. If you aren't being paid sick pay, it's 'just' lying.

[lalalalyra]

I'd start looking for another job now. I'd also be brutally honest with your boss that you will be going on that holiday so you are looking for another job and your notice will be with her as soon as you get one. You may find they change their tune when they realise that being one down for a week is a better option than being one down for good, especially if you do a lot of extra hours as it is.

[TooMuchMNTime]

Morally I don't have an issue with this
But as you've had no time off I'd go with that, tell them you need the time or your work will suffer.

[FirstWeTakeManhattan]

I'd start looking for another job now. I'd also be brutally honest with your boss that you will be going on that holiday so you are looking for another job and your notice will be with her as soon as you get one

Forget calling in sick, OP, for all the reasons on this thread. This ^^ is the way to go.

Be straight, be clear about it. It's non-negotiable for you, but still be honest.

[AnecdotalEvidence]

Your boss doesn't currently know the dates of the holiday, so tell him that the dates are in October and book the time off for a week in October.
Then call in sick and go on holiday in summer.
It won't be suspicious because it's different dates.
Dishonest, yes, but some things are more important.

[OneTwoOneTwoThreeFour]

I think YABU. I think you should ask for the holiday and see what she says.

Could your DH and dcs go anyway even if you can't? I would understand if a friend had to work.

Having said that, second the advice that you should try hard to find another job: this one sounds pretty awful.

[PovertyPain]

Go on the holiday. That poor wee soul may never have another holiday and your df will always remember your support. I'm so sorry about your friend's daughter.

[ilovesooty]

I think lying about the dates is an absolutely terrible idea. Suppose this poor child dies before October and you need time off for the funeral?

[reallysomepeople]

onetwo- But I want to go I love this child a huge amount, was there when they were born have spent birthdays, xmas, NYE, together but never a holiday.

[joangray38]

Could tell your boss tou were so upset about the child's diagnosis I and the fact you were going to miss out do the firm being busy you were considering quitting. If they are that busy that you can't take time off then they won't want to take time finding/ training a new employee.

[cdtaylornats]

I would suggest that you ask again, explain the circumstance and if its still a no tell them from now on you will work exactly to contract, do no overtime, the first time you put the hone down on a client or walk out of a meeting dead on quitting time should focus his mind.

[OneTwoOneTwoThreeFour]

I understand that, but whatever you lose your job?

I know it's horrible, but there's no right to time off in this situation, no matter how devastating it is.

Would also be worried that fate would bite me on the arse for lying with something with my own family that I needed time off for, but then I am a worrier.

[OneTwoOneTwoThreeFour]

Not whatever, what if?

[PolitelyDisagree]

OP, if it's that important to you to go then accept the consequences of being honest. Trying to justify lying is not the way to go.

[Janecc]

If you've had no holiday the past 12 months, what's happened to all your holiday time? If you are working 5 days a week, that's 28 days a year. The employer cannot reasonably prevent you from taking a holiday as you should have already taken it. They've been busy for the last 12 months and so you haven't taken a holiday. They'll be busy in the summer and are potentially preventing you from taking a holiday again. There's something not right here.

[myownprivateidaho]

There's something not right here.. That was my thought too.