To not want to have my FIL over for lunch on Father's Day?

[StuntNun]

DH just texted me to ask whether it was okay for him to invite his dad over for lunch tomorrow. DFIL is on his own at the moment because DMIL is away visiting family and my two DBILs and DSIL live too far away to visit. I am stressed out about us moving house in three weeks, the house is a pigsty and DFIL will bring 'that damn dog' who has already bitten DH and myself. I honestly can't face it.

So AIBU to say no?

I'd all go out for lunch. I don't think I'd want visitors over either if the place is a mess.

Oh god yes, if the place were tidy it would be absolutely no problem to have DFIL round for lunch, dog or no dog. But DH won't tidy up or take the kids out to let me do it.

YABU. It's Father's Day. One day out of 365.

The dog won't bite the children; they're all terrified of him and won't go near him, even the 13yo.

But DH won't tidy up or take the kids out to let me do it. Fuck him then. Really. He's a part-timer in your family. This isn't about FIL methinks.

It's not fair for the children to be frightened in their own home though. I'd seriously be instigating some rules about the dog.

Well we're moving in three weeks so we'll won't be seeing the dog a lot from now on.

All go out for lunch. Bring something for the toddler if he has allergies. Restaurants wont mind that. This isnt worth the stress its causing you. You need to get out of that house for a few hours.

He's literally a part timer as he's away on business at least a third of the time. I think that's where my issues stem from: being left on my own in a mess. DFIL is merely an inconvenience.

Oh and in answer to a question up thread, I would ask my DH before my mum came to visit. They really don't get on so she tries to visit during one of his business trips.

((((Hug)))) and I don't care how fucking unmumsnetty it is.

You have 4 small kids, a DH who is very helpful (to ever bugger else, but not where he's needed right now, AT HOME), then when he is home says he 'hates cleaning' and you are moving in 3 weeks 💐

I'd get him told. Properly. Tell him it's fine for him to do something with FIL tomorrow, out of the house & with the children. I don't care how difficult it is with allergies, he can suck it up. While they are out, do something nice for yourself before you lose the plot entirely.

Tell him what he needs to do tomorrow, whether that's xyz in the house or taking the kids out so you can get on.

Until you move, make lists, tell him it's not a request it's the bare minimum required to get shit done before you move.

Once you are in the new place, get this sorted. You didn't sign up to live in a bomb site with a DH not cleaning & not pulling his weight. Tell him how seriously pissed off you are.

💐 Stay away from the chocolate, it's not like carb! X

Low carb. iPad apparently knows better. Bloody thing.

If you're moving the house getting sorted really is a priority. How old are the children, 13, toddler and...

Would he put the dog away if you went over there? Dog in garden, dh cooks and cleans you sit and enjoy a house which is not your responsibility to do anything in.

It doesn't resolve the issue with your husband, but can't the 13-year-old occupy the younger kids while you do some cleaning?

If he refuses to take the kids out, tell him this a deal breaker in your marriage and mean it.

Husband takes his Dad out for lunch (2 or 3 hours at most?)

You and the children have a lovely breakfast and evening meal with your husband to celebrate the day.

Seems rather cruel to leave your husband's father all alone on Father's day

It's his dad on Father's Day.

It'd make it work for tomorrow. I've got so many friends who dads are no longer with us so I'll be making a fuss of dad tomorrow just because of that.

Don't see why your fil will mind a bit of mess? I assume he knows you are getting ready to move shortly

If in the future one of your then grown up children wants to invite you over for Mother's day, would you be ok with being told you couldn't come because their spouse/partner said so?
Your husband asking his dad over it taking him out for lunch really isn't a big deal at all. I think the house move and the work involved with that is probably the issue. I'm with you on not wanting a dog in my house though.

The kids are 13, 10, 3 and 1.

Don't worry about the bombsite. I suspect FIL wants to see you and your family, not your house.

Plus make the older children help tidy up a bit beforehand anyway.

I know how you feel OP I can't be arsed with my own family half the time but YABU.
Why can't you do some tidying up now? Your DH is cutting his dad's hedge, he's not off down the pub or taking crack, he's being useful to a family member. unless I imagined the hedge cutting; on phone can't scroll back

You'll feel much less stressed when your house is tidy. Your big kids are old enough to help and even if they don't help it doesn't take that long to do a basic tidy up.

The dog should be shut in a room or the garden tomorrow if he bites people. Or left at home.

If the eldest two are 13 and 10, then they're old enough to do some chores in return for pocket money. Get them on the case!

We don't get caught up in fathers day/mothers day/whatever other day is coming next so I wouldn't say yabu. Especially if he'll bring the dog that bites and I hate having anyone over, even my own family if the place is a mess. As I said we don't really celebrate valentines day and we tend to do these treat days/spend special time with each particular member throughout the year so doesn't bother anyone to be alone on these days.

If it means so much to your OH then he needs to clean up or help, not go cutting hedges. If he doesn't help out at home then heck, I'd say no to anyone coming over.

Doesn't really seem an issue of fathers day though. Seems like there's more to it.

Also, if you're moving in three weeks time, you have the perfect excuse to have a messy house.