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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to have spoken to the manager?

101 replies

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 18/06/2016 14:10

I was in the supermarket with 11yo DS earlier. The cashier completely ignored me but was chatting happily to DS asking him what he had planned for the weekend and talking about football. Then the cashier asked DS if he has a PS4. DS replied that he has an xbox one and the cashier said "oh that's a shame, I was going to ask if I could add you as a friend" Confused

I paid for my shopping whilst wondering if maybe I'd misheard. Walked away from the till and asked DS what had been said and he confirmed it was what I thought I'd heard. I asked DS what he thought about that and he said it made him feel uncomfortable.

So I spoke to the manager who took it seriously and said he'd deal with it appropriately. He asked if I was happy to leave it there and I said I was. All fine.

But when I told DH what had happened he said the cashier was probably just making conversation and I've got him in to trouble for no reason. Would you have reported the cashier?

OP posts:
HidingUnderARock · 18/06/2016 16:21

YNBU, its clearly inapropriate because of the setting, the age difference, and because they did not know each other.

Do cashiers need CRB checks? I am thinking not but idk.
Its one of those jobs where someone can become familiar to a child and have friendly conversation with their parent, and so seem like a friend.

Whether the cashier was looking for kids to groom, or just hadn't thought it through, its unlikely yours would be the only kid he did it to, and best it is reported, noted and nipped in the bud.

SilverBirchWithout · 18/06/2016 16:28

I bet this was Sainsburys.

Their cashiers seem to have training that encourages them to have 'friendly' forced conversations with customers. It usually makes me cringe and squirm. As a person in my late 50s being asked by a teenage lad whether I'm 'doing anything tonight/this weekend' feels inappropriate and intrusive.

WorraLiberty · 18/06/2016 16:29

Yes thanks for asking Extra. I had plenty of sleep.

Now, is there any chance you could explain why you think I have comprehension issues, or are you just going to continue to ask sarky questions? Confused

CandOdad · 18/06/2016 16:44

Child protection training or being a parent doesn't come into it. I suspect that irrelevant of age the question wouldn't be an issue with a correctly internet savvy child. Mine are seven and eight and have had it drummed into them at school and home that the Internet is the same as a room of strangers and should be treated as such.

Forced chat bugs the hell out of me. The lad at the petrol station does it and it's clearly what he has to do and I guess they are prob mystery shopped on it. I honestly just want to pay. Not comment on my day, what I am doing, why I had to fill it up etc.
Yesterday was refreshing since it was a natural comment made in context.

EttaJ · 18/06/2016 17:02

YANBU to report is as it is rather weird but you are deliberately vague in your posts which is also weird.

Gatehouse77 · 18/06/2016 17:12

Given how much emphasis is made about internet safety and not 'friending' anyone you don't know, I would have had a word with the manager. It is wholly inappropriate for someone in that position to talk about being friends on a gaming site with a minor. Regardless of age, sex or anything. It's mixed messages from what they will hear at school and, hopefully, home.

Especially as a.n.other child may not have been accompanied by an adult and happily given up such information.

I know of Y6 groups that have had long talks about safety, etc. and not to go with anyone you don't know. They've then let them loose (in a confined area) and had people approach them using the kids' names. And they've gone off with them! Because if an adult knows their name, they must be safe - not always true!

kali110 · 18/06/2016 19:08

silver i've worked for two retailers ( neither were sainsbury's) and we were forced to make small talk!t
The one would discipline us if we didn't.

usual · 18/06/2016 19:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp · 18/06/2016 19:19

I also think it sounds just like banter..... Filling the time the transaction takes

That's all

Orda1 · 18/06/2016 19:34

YABU.

He was just making conversation.

I bet if he'd said he had a ps4 he wouldn't have asked to add him!

CaspoFungin · 18/06/2016 19:42

I think he was just making conversation and wouldn't actually have asked him to be his friend!

WhatALoadOfWankers · 18/06/2016 19:45

It's not appropriate when at work to ask strangers about becoming 'friends' on any social network regardless of age or gender
I would have had words with a supervisor
Probably naivety , but still ...

Cubtrouble · 18/06/2016 19:48

Op. You 100pc did the right thing. Your child is 11 someone MUCH older wanted to "play" that's fucking nuts.

I would have had to say something to the cashier. As well as the manager and taken my child straight home and had a chat about safe use of online nonsense. Jesus. This doesn't bear thinking about.

IoraRua · 18/06/2016 19:51

Meh. Sounds like a forced, if normal conversation with a customer and a stupid comment trying to be on the kids level.

Beeziekn33ze · 18/06/2016 19:55

YANBU,I think it was inappropriate

alleypalley · 18/06/2016 20:06

I'd simply have used the situation to have a conversation with DS about both internet safety and remembering he's allowed to politely decline to share information & when it's appropriate to do so.

^This.

It must get tedious having to make small talk with strangers all day, he probably wasn't thinking too much about what he was saying.

amarmai · 18/06/2016 20:08

Op, you did the right thing validating how your son felt and in reporting to the manager. I wd avoid that cashier in the future as he was crossing a boundary that has been painted in neon. There was a sim thread a while back and when the mum objected to the boundary crosser and he managed to paint her in a negative way to her son and used it to encourage the boy to go behind his mum's back.There were some pps who were on the side of the boundary crosser then too.

lljkk · 18/06/2016 20:11

It sounds like a jokey friendly comment. Sheesh.

ReginaBlitz · 18/06/2016 21:52

You were Ott reporting him, he was just making conversation. Poor sod probably doesn't have his ps4 now, he's had to sell it cos of some paranoid fucker has lost him his job.

Cocolepew · 18/06/2016 22:04

The age is irrelevant, why would an 18 year old eant an 11 year old as a gaming friend? Do gamers regularly ask to add random people as friends?
Im sure the conversation couldnt have been more than 5 minutes long.
I wouldn't want my 11yo to be thinking it was ok to give out any details to a stranger.

Inyournightdress · 18/06/2016 22:16

OP said 'him' I'm original post so I don't think she's changed her tune ? I also think age is irrelevant.

I imagine the cashier probably said it without thinking. I think reporting it to his manager will just remind him that it is inappropriate to be that friendly with customers. Could you imagine if your cashier asked to add you on Facebook? Or wanted to know your username on mumsnet. Totally inappropriate.

TheAnswerIsYes · 18/06/2016 22:36

I agree with a pp that it sounds like a jokey friendly comment. I got talking to a 4 year old today at a fair and said that it was a shame I was busy after because otherwise I would love to come to her house to have a go on her trampoline. I wasn't serious, it was just chat.

Ailicece · 18/06/2016 22:49

I think I probably would have said something to the cashier along the lines of "I'm afraid you wouldn't be adding my 11-year-old son as a friend anywhere and it really isn't appropriate to suggest it" but I don't think I'd have mentioned it to the manager at this point.

Clandestino · 19/06/2016 02:33

Can't believe the attitude of some people. Are those who described you as a nutter also parents with a public FB profile, who let their children cheat with age so they can get a FB profile themselves and don't check their minor kids phones and internet activity to respect their privacy?
Adding random strangers as online friends is idiotic. You were right to highlight it to the manager.

Vickyyyy · 19/06/2016 03:18

It seems a bit odd. however, how old (ish) was the cashier? Also if your son looks older than he is...

What I am thinking is the cashier may have thought they were enar the same age or something.

If it was a 50 year old cashier or something though I would be thinking it was quite dodgy tbh