WIBU to have spoken to the manager?

[sparepantsandtoothbrush]

I was in the supermarket with 11yo DS earlier. The cashier completely ignored me but was chatting happily to DS asking him what he had planned for the weekend and talking about football. Then the cashier asked DS if he has a PS4. DS replied that he has an xbox one and the cashier said "oh that's a shame, I was going to ask if I could add you as a friend"

I paid for my shopping whilst wondering if maybe I'd misheard. Walked away from the till and asked DS what had been said and he confirmed it was what I thought I'd heard. I asked DS what he thought about that and he said it made him feel uncomfortable.

So I spoke to the manager who took it seriously and said he'd deal with it appropriately. He asked if I was happy to leave it there and I said I was. All fine.

But when I told DH what had happened he said the cashier was probably just making conversation and I've got him in to trouble for no reason. Would you have reported the cashier?

I never called them a paedophile

You did put the cashier's gender...

"But when I told DH what had happened he said the cashier was probably just making conversation and I've got him in to trouble for no reason."

I think you did the right thing. I'll probably get flamed for this but at my local supermarket a lot of cashiers have learning disorders it's part of the shop's employment policy and I think it's fantastic. Before I realised this however I used to sometimes think about their behaviour "how odd/ rude" etc. Now I know their employment policy it all makes sense and I'll happily wait a little longer as they out my items through etc.

Could it be something like that? Either way you did the right thing as even if it was innocent (most likely) it's still inappropriate and will make customers feel uncomfortable.

Ah OK. I didn't mean to purely because I didn't want posters to think I only spoke to the manager because it was a male. I would have done the same if it was a female.

So roughly how old was the cashier OP?

Roughly, I'd guess around 30 (but could be completely wrong).

This is the sort of thing that schools are trying to teach children about in the e-safety computing curriculum. Having friends online that you don't know can be very dangerous. I would absolutely have reported this to the manager.

If the cashier was about 17 and maybe could be excused for not realising how inappropriate it was then I'd have left it there with the manager. If the cashier was 45 then I would assume there was a slim chance or something more sinister and would have perhaps taken it further.

I've dealt with pupils at school that have ended up in threatening situations that have started out originally in an equally benign way.

Hmm. Yeah that does put a different complexion on it. Although given that he didn't ask for your DS's name or anything, I would still assume it was completely innocent, if albeit inappropriate.

If the cashier is around 30 then you are definitely not BU.

If you'd only remembered to put that in the OP, this thread would probably have been unanimous, no matter what the gender was

I would have thought it was odd too tbh.

OP thinks they looked about thirty so not a teenager unless the OP is very bad with ages.

Kids have it drummed into them over and over not to add friends who are adults unless they are family or close friends - for that alone it was an inappropriate conversation - even for a socially in adept teenager - for a non LD adult it was very inappropriate.

Yes, I'm a bit puzzled by that, it makes a huge difference how old the cashier is.

I'd have been uncomfortable by it too. I'd a little less so because he spoke to your child so openly in your presence but I still think it was inappropriate and I'd have spoken to a manager too. IMO YANBU.

I think it was inappropriate for the cashier to have done that and I think it was NOT over-reacting to have mentioned it to the manager. It's not the place to be finding "friends" to play online games with! Might be different if it was actually a Games shop, for e.g. - but a supermarket? no.

And yes, the age does make a difference - but I'm guessing you know that too which is why you didn't mention that initially either.

Nope you absolutely needed to report them for their own sake if nothing else. They just need to be reminded about appropriate conversation with customers. They won't be in trouble but corrected if it is their first occasion. If it isn't then it's their own fault. If they said that to a less calm customer or one who has past experiences of online abuse or problems they could get physical or verbal abuse from the customer. You've done them a favour in reality.

I wouldn't have reported it, for several reasons.

As another poster said, our local supermarket employs a high number of people with learning issues. Some more obvious than others, but some of them do come across as rude or inappropriate sometimes, I was quite taken aback when I first started to use the supermarket - now I use it to support their employment policy.

My friend's husband works in a supermarket, he was taken on to stack shelves, but they make them work on the tills sometimes. He HATES it as he's very shy, all fingers & thumbs around strangers & finds conversation difficult. However, he finds children easier to talk to & loves games. He's mid 40's and very likely to have had a similar conversation with your son. He's have changed his game platform to the opposite of your sons.

I'd simply have used the situation to have a conversation with DS about both internet safety and remembering he's allowed to politely decline to share information & when it's appropriate to do so.

I'd place no emphasis on your 11 yo saying he was uncomfortable, not least of all because you asking him about it would make him so.

Extra, did you type that before the OP told us the cashier was roughly 30 years old?

I think it's a completely inappropriate thing to have said to an 11 yr old, regardless of how old or what sex the obviously older cashier was.

Ahh I've just spotted that Navy.

It's one thing chatting about games, but quite another for an adult to ask children to add them as friends.

If that's what Extra is saying (that her friend's DH would do that), then he needs reporting too.