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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask about church baby and toddler groups?

102 replies

CillianMurphysOtherWife · 18/06/2016 01:24

am considering going to a church baby and toddler group but am really not religious and don't want to be preached to and I don't want them to think i'm being cheeky by coming if it's only meant for their followers

there aren't any non-church ones at a time that works for us

is it a generally accepted thing that the group is just like any baby toddler group, or do they range from "welcoming to anyone and non-preachy" to "downright scary cult recruitment sessions"?

OP posts:
IAmAPaleontologist · 19/06/2016 09:03

I used to go to one that was run by a very evangelical church. At snack time they would tell a little bible story and sing some songs, most of which would be normal nursery rhymes and one would be a kids religious song. It was fine, very welcoming and perfectly accepting of the fact that some of us who went were not Christian, they were great at giving support and friendship to anyone who needed it.

Another I went to was held in a church hall but there was no mention of anything religious in the group.

londonrach · 19/06/2016 09:29

Been to two...one was pretty much toys in the church with children playing and parents chatting whilst older ladies handed out biscuits and drinks. At the end a vicar arrived and the parents and children could go to one end of the church (away from the toy end) and listen to a simple bible story. A few went. Most stayed with the toys. Another church hall..just a venue id say but posters on the wall if you looked. Both very friendly and both times dc would be unaware of the religious bit. Found the ladies with the tea vvvv welcoming and liked children.

OhGodWhatTheHellNow · 19/06/2016 11:45

I know what you mean op , all the toddler groups we have found here are church run, with little or no religious content. Our Sally one is the best for biscuits and friendliest but most likely to have a Bible story, suitably watered down for the littlies so no fire and brimstone. As an atheist I found it quite comfortable and missed it when the dcs went to school.

The RC were meanest with the tea but this is not a peer reviewed study!

angielou123 · 19/06/2016 15:44

I am a Christian and go to church regularly. I'm sure you can use the toddler groups without 'being into all that'. They will not preach and will be very welcoming. I take my 2 boys to a church group on Thurs evenings and it's very quiet. You never know, once you see how nice it is (churches are very beautiful), you might start to feel differently. Tbh, I'd be lost without my faith atm, but thats another story.

foxessocks · 19/06/2016 15:50

The one I go to is great. I'm an atheist. The volunteers have never mentioned religion they just chat about my toddler, the weather, work etc etc just really friendly people and welcoming. The only nod to religion is some religious books on the bookshelf and the Christmas party has a small service beforehand but it's not compulsory!

Northernlurker · 19/06/2016 16:03

I was involved with one for years. Sometimes we have run an alpha type course after the group and we've always mentioned events. The other thing we've done is a nativity type service with a tea. The point of the group though is to support parents and welcome people. Yes we'd love it if everybody came to church, that's the aim of evangelism, but we want you to feel loved and supported as a parent first of all.

MargaretCabbage · 19/06/2016 16:12

I go to two different toddler groups in churches. The first one is absolutely lovely, I love going there as I always feel like we're really welcome and there are good toys, activities and snacks. There are no religious themes. The second one is quite similar, but I'm not so keen on; it's a community church so they don't actually have a church building, and most of the people that attend are heavily involved. They are incredibly lovely, and although there's no pressure to attend anything at the church they do invite us to a lot of things, and a lot of them already have friendships from the church so I feel like a bit of an outsider. I think it's a 'not you, it's me' kind of issue, but we still go.

Wanderingraspberry · 19/06/2016 16:28

It'll be fine. Get yourself off there. They don't want to convert you.

BeckyMcDonald · 19/06/2016 17:03

OP your attitude stinks. You're quite happy to go to a toddler group run by a church congregation, probably subsidied by the church, in a church building, but if they mention said church they are 'crap'.

I'd find a non-church group to go to if I were you. I doubt your council have many due to the austerity cuts. So good luck with that.

Archedbrowse · 19/06/2016 18:57

I wouldn't describe the ones that do incorporate religion as 'crap' Confused

If you choose to go to a group in the church, you may expect there to be some religion incorporated. Most don't really, but to deem them as 'crap' if they do is very entitled! The church volunteers should put on a group for you in their church building, providing use of church owned toys, tea, biscuits and giving up their free time for no reason other than to provide this service, at minimal cost. But if they mention that it's anything to do with a church, they're crap?

Maybe try your children's centre? In our area all the groups have been cut there, the church ones are the only ones still going.

Dakin1 · 19/06/2016 19:11

I think some of you are being hard on the OP. I agree most are friendly and welcoming but a few 'crap'. By crap I mean you are only welcome if you are married.

Divorced or a lesbian? Definitely undesirable. I think this is a crap attitude - surely the whole point of Christianity is love, compassion and acceptance.

Don't get me wrong I have no problem to sing a few hymns and for my DD to hear bible stories but it does upset me when the organisers make judgements on my life.

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 19/06/2016 19:39

If you have no interest in religion I'm not sure why you'd choose to attend a church toddler group

Because none of the others fit in with her time table.

Dakin That's a shame. It probably won't be the case for too much longer though as churches are generally making an effort to become much more inclusive, and the coming generation of volunteers will probably be part of that.

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 19/06/2016 19:40

Oh, forgot to say. Churches in my area actually have 'divorce care' groups with the intention of offering compassionate support. So they are trying!

MrsHathaway · 19/06/2016 20:24

Ours is under the church umbrella - we use the church hall and insurance and the church's Children and Family Worker helps out.

Apart from that you'd have no idea. We are explicitly for those of all faiths and none. The vicar objects to Halloween stuff so we do autumn craft that week, but that's it!

MrsHathaway · 19/06/2016 20:28

Crossed with posts about excluding unconventional families. What a shame. For a while we had quite a few same sex couples because we were popular with the local adopters group. They came from a distance.

Dakin1 · 19/06/2016 20:40

Ah that's nice to know gonetosee and mrshathaway

I like to go to ones that explicitly say 'all welcome' ... Otherwise you never know.

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 19/06/2016 22:26

I can't tell you how sad I feel at knowing you have to look for that Dakin. It should be a given.

Teladi · 20/06/2016 12:34

I went to a local church toddler group. It was just like any other except there was a little song at snack time "thank you God for giving us snack". The rest of the songs were all non-religious, except at Christmas time when we sang Away in a Manger etc. They would give the children a small gift at Christmas and Easter and a little booklet explaining the story of the festival.

They would also let us know about anything relevant that was happening in the church - parenting courses etc.

It was great as the church had a rota of volunteers who would prepare and serve snack and be on duty in the hall, they used to like to hold your baby for you if you just wanted two minutes without someone on you / had another small child to attend to.

Teladi · 20/06/2016 12:37

Oh yeah and at mine at one point there was a small contingent of Muslim ladies. They were nice and so were their kids, I think they felt welcome too!

NeedACleverNN · 20/06/2016 12:38

My local baby group is held in a church hall and that's as far as it goes religious wise.

There are posters up everywhere about God and Christianity but the hall isn't just used for a toddler group so I don't expect them to take them up and down each day.

It's a lovely group and one I would recommend

Teladi · 20/06/2016 12:39

My last post sounded totally ridiculous and like I was surprised the Muslim ladies were nice. That is not what I meant. MUST READ BEFORE POSTING!!

isittheholidaysyet · 20/06/2016 13:11

Have been to loads of Toddler groups, (lived in 2 cities and small town since first DC was born, I'm a bit of a 'groupee'.) I'm also a Christian and running my current church Toddler group (my youngest just gone to school).

Firstly this is a great thread, I'm glad there are still some good groups running (I've been getting depressed about the lack of cheap/'free play'/'feed the parents coffee' type groups around these days.

Try it. if you don't like it don't go back. (Though you might want to go twice just in case you happened to turn up on the day the vicar walked in for the first time in 3 years!)

There might be christian posters on the walls. They might advertise family friendly church events. I've only been to one which did bible story and religious craft and that was once a month. There maybe Church parents attending who try to evangelise you. (but personally i would say it would be unusual if that happened to you.)

Avoid groups called things like 'pram church' or 'messy church' if you don't do religion, also of course one's which say they are aimed at 'children of St XXX church and younger siblings of pupils at St XXX school' (though that might be fine too).

My group aims to give parents (especially those who have no car to get to the village toddler groups and no money for the 'expensive' things like gymnastics and music groups) a place to meet other parents, let the kids play and make friends, drink copious amounts of 'proper' coffee, and perhaps do a craft activity. All for £2. As we use church hall and insurance, I reserve the right to leave posters about Christian events on the 'sign-in' table, and also to do a little church fundraising now and again, (which is usually for hall upkeep rather than the church.)

CMOTDibbler · 20/06/2016 13:20

I went to a church run baby group with ds. It was absolutely lovely - the ladies made sure everyone had someone to talk to, there was always a listening ear and someone to hold a baby. The vicar would pop in, but she was a mum and again was a listening ear to people.
I think it was £2 and included a coffee and lunch - during which the volunteers minded the babies

IamSlavetotheEU · 20/06/2016 13:24

every group I have ever been to is held in a church,

sometimes odd people ie mums, or mums with dc now at school sometimes simply use the space on a certain day for toddler groups. One church hall had different toddler groups every day of the week!

others are run by the church, methodist or sally army, and they are setting up and doing it with sometimes gentle religious background ie no prayers or anything like that but sometimes, a leaflet!

Others are and say they are usually religous group, there wil be a prayer before snack time, usually a christian related craft...

and there are some, more rare which are very religious, and very motivated to get you to join.

IamSlavetotheEU · 20/06/2016 13:25

also with toddler groups remember even one toddller group can have different people one week to the next as people .babies are sick away...