DS Tattoo ...

[Cutecat78]

I don't know if AIBU.

DS is 18 and going through a really gothic stage. The latest of many stages he has naturally gone through in his teens.

He's working on minimum wage, not sure what he wants to do career wise. He pays about £40 a week here (this is NRR).

He's skint and told me tonight he's "dropping in" his tattoo design to the tattoo place tomorrow.

It's huge and covers the whole of his upper arm and is really relevant to what he is in to right now at 18 yrs old.

I have a tattoo on my back. I had it 11 yrs ago when I was 30 and it covers a horrible operation scar.

His dad is covered in tattoos (we are not together) and had several large ones when we got together in our early twenties which he now regrets.

AIBU to feel a bid sad and worried that DS (who is still as skinny as a rake) is potentially going to cover one of his arms in something he will later hate (I remember a lot of people getting Celtic bands in the mid 90s as teens which they may now regret).

I know there I cannot stop him but is there any advice or guidance I can give him?

Hopefully he has thought long and hard about it and found a good artist to do what he wants. If he has designed it that can only be a good thing (my first was from a flash book which I no longer like, but it was done at a time and place that were meaningful so I would never cover it). As long as he knows he will have to take care of it (and how) and he is committed to it ('coz I guess it will take more than one session to complete), the he is an adult and must make his own decisions.

Personally I would question spending that sort of money when he is skint (why not wait a few months), but then my priorities would probably be different!

Can you somehow bring up the question of how he, now, would feel if he had a giant tattoo of something he loved a couple of phases back?
I don't know how you'd go about that without sounding really condescending, though.

could he get some sort of temporary tattoo, keep it on and see how he feels about it 6 months later?

Sorry, I know nothing about tattoos but would - none of my business I know- be devastated if my 18 year old proposed the same.

He is scared of needles but I kind of helped him with that in yr 11 by taking him to the GP for a jab he had to have and giving him a load of Kalms ... I blame myself for not having foresight

DP has some tattoos. He got his first on his 18th birthday- and it's his worst!

Advice? Make sure it's one that can be covered, make sure he's seen the artists work, no names!

As someone who is very tattoo-knowledgable I would be concerned that if he is skint he is going for someone "cheap" over quality. A decent tattoo artist should cost in the region of £70 per hour, any less than that and I would be seriously concerned. Get him to look at lots of tattoo artists on Instagram and really research if he hasn't already. He should be prepared to pay whatever it costs and travel however far it is to get something perfect. If he isn't prepared to save properly and do that then he isn't ready for a tattoo.

Have you and his Dad told him you regret your tattoos?

He probably sees them as an adult thing if both his parents have them and wants to be grown up. He can't be that skint if he can afford a big tattoo, though.

HVe you tried suggesting to him to wait 3 / 6 months? If he still really wants it then, than it will be something he has thought about and not a fad.

I had my first tattoo at 18. It's shit and I wish I didn't have it. Very bad choice even though it's tiny. I'd never get anything done based on what I was 'into' at that time.

I've had one done quite recently. It's pretty small and cost £80 from a reputable and highly recommend tattooist. Big is going to mean very expensive, well it should if they are any good.

Could you encourage him to try a sharpie tattoo first?

www.youtube.com/results?search_query=sharpie+tattoo

This way he can try before he buys including making sure he gets it in the right position.

Approach it positively rather than negatively.

I don't regret my tattoo - but I was 30 and a well rounded person before I had it - and I covers a hideous scar.

I have asked him to wait until he is 20, to do some research and to have a discussion with his dad (we do not speak).

DS1 (19) is having a tattoo in a couple of weeks. It has been booked for months. One of the reasons it has been booked for months is because this guy has a waiting list and we couldn't get in any sooner. DS is having the inside of his lower arm done, it will cover all of it. It will take a full day and costs in the region of £380.

We have made sure he knows that a) it will probably hurt, b) it will be there for a very long time.

Since the booking was made we have checked with him numerous times as to whether he is sure he wants to go ahead. We weren't worried about losing the deposit as DH would have taken the booking for himself.

I got a tattoo when I had just turned 18 (well, 2 actually) and I regret both of them. That's not to say that I don't love tattoos. I have many more which I love but those first 2 were done when I really didn't know what I wanted and just wanted one for the sake of it. Actually, one of them is related to a phase I was going through at the time and that's the one I hate the most! I'd grown out of said phase within a few months of getting the tattoo!
Anyway, the whole upper arm is going to be very hard to cover up in the future if he regrets it. It will probably mean laser first to even be able to get it covered. I would research artists with him to make sure he's getting it done by the best person he can who is used to working in the style that he wants. At least that way even if he regrets the tattoo it will still be a good piece of art which is a lot better than a poorly done tattoo where he also regrets the subject matter.
Sorry for the essay but I have bitter experience in this field.

My ds had tatts done at 18 he doesnt regret them at all
I think if you can steer him towards a good ttattoo place that is good

He really shouldn't get a huge tattoo for his first, they can be really painful if you're sitting for a lengthy period of time. I'm covered in them and got a small star in an unnoticeable place for my first, simply because I wasn't sure if i would be able to sit through it!

I have a tattoo I regret. Dd and I had a chat about it and I said I was done with her getting them (can't argue as I have many) as long as she printed out the design and stuck it on her bedroom wall. If she still liked looking at it every day after 12 months then go for it.

To her credit she took on board the point, actually set the image as her phone wallpaper and did indeed keep it for well over a year before she had it inked.

I appreciate all teens won't wait but a compromise of a few months doing that might be good? I know if I'd done the same I'd have never gotten my regretted tattoo.

Done =fine

I was just going to suggest what Sisters said, have the design somewhere where he'll see it every day for a few months and see if he gets bored of it or doesn't like it anymore. DH has a lot of tattoos and still sets any new ideas as his phone wallpaper for a while before getting them inked!

I have a 'sleeve' on my right arm that can only be covered by a three quarter length cardi or top. I was 18/19 and going through a punk stage and MASSIVELY regret it now although have learnt to live with with it.

Having a pic of a cartoon doll with her heart ripped out on the same arm I nestled my babies in whilst BFing? Rather I hadn't :-(

Sadly, I think I wouldn't have listened to any good advice at the time but at age 20 (when I soon realised I regretted it) my advice was - get the design drawn up, stick it to your bedroom wall, if you still like it 12 months later... go for it.

Your tastes are bound to change when you are that age but of course you won't think that at the time. Whist I still love punk music I'd rather not have the tats to match!

Could you suggest that because tattoos are so mainstream now it will be much cooler not to have any at all?! Or what about a few edgy piercings? They can always be removed later on down the line.

Oh yeah and laser is pricy, much more painful than getting a tattoo and doesn't remove it instantaneously. Seems like general consensus is the 12 month waiting period...?

I think it understand you are worried he might regret it later in life. I know a few that have tattoos and some do regret a friend from college has an ex girlfriend name acrossed his chest from when he was 18 they broke up at 19, but my dh has tattoos and he doesn't regret one he says each one reminds him of who he was when he had it done.
Your ds is an adult and will make his own choice you can't stop him but try and get him to think about it properly.

DS is having the inside of his lower arm done, it will cover all of it. It will take a full day

Unless he has a high pain tolerance he'll be crying like a baby after two hours (and probably pass out).

I'm also surprised that a tattoo artist would agree to a session of that length for a first tattoo. Also surprised a full day is only £380 for such an in-demand artist.

What if you promise you will pay for it to have it professionally done after a year?

Rebel that is a good suggestion.

Any many others too thank you - I know he will regret it 😩😩😩

Sharpie is also an excellent suggestion. I've just had another done on my foot and I spent some time doodling on dd at first to get the design something like I wanted, then dd drew it in to my foot where I tried on about every pair of shoes I own to check it looked ok.

To add, my tattooist charges £80 an hour and there is usually a couple of months waiting list.
If you can walk in and get an appointment immediately there is something not quite right (unless by some miracle you've happened to walk in when someone has cancelled).