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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To talk on the train?

109 replies

lalafala · 15/06/2016 18:27

So I'm on a very busy commuter train at the moment. I had a call I wanted to make, so being mindful of the quiet zone, I walked straight past it into a normal carriage. The lady sat next to me was busy tapping away at her laptop.

I made my call and about half way through she interrupts me to ask if I can't have those conversations this evening as I'm disturbing her. I pointed out that there was a quiet zone for people who wanted quiet but she replied that it's not about the quiet zone, it's about self awareness and me not having any!

So genuinely, I need to know, am I really BU?

OP posts:
ABCAlwaysBeCunting · 15/06/2016 21:37

I hate listening to people talking on commuter trains, though I accept I'm being unreasonable. Loud phone conversations are the worst, closely followed by people who do long, droning monologues to their mostly silent travelling partner about what so and so said to someone else.

Sunbeam18 · 15/06/2016 21:37

The person didn't tell her to fuck off though, she asked her if she could have the conversation after the train journey. And the OP didn't take the call, she made the call. Crucial difference.

TheWindInThePillows · 15/06/2016 21:40

This is ludicrous, because there's a whole carriage invented for people who don't want to listen to phone calls or want to take a nap or work in quiet- the Quiet Coach.

Of course the rest of the train doesn't have to be extremely quiet. It's fine for children to play without shouting, people to have conversations with each other (they can even laugh if they like), people to talk on phones, it's normal everyday noise!

I can't believe that people have a whole carriage set up just for this and can't be arsed to move there, and then expect people to behave as if they were in it!

EmmapausalBitch · 15/06/2016 21:41

I would also feel the rage if someone sat next to me on the train and started talking on their phone. It's way more annoying than two people having a conversation.

I only tell people off for using their phones in the quiet car.

It sounds like you were being louder than necessary, as you say you were speaking more quietly on the second call. I would probably have passively aggressively sighed, and possibly have moved seats.

NuggetofPurestGreen · 15/06/2016 21:41

Well I find people chatting on trains annoying too but that doesn't mean they shouldn't be allowed!

Meeep · 15/06/2016 21:43

You were annoying her so she asked you to stop.

If you didn't care about her being annoyed, you could have carried on.

I think yabu anyway, fair enough long conversations on the phone aren't illegal or banned in normal carriages but they're still rude IMHO. It does show a lack of self awareness.

NuggetofPurestGreen · 15/06/2016 21:45

I find children annoying on trains but I don't tell them to be quiet either.

specialsubject · 15/06/2016 21:52

there was a quiet coach. OP left it to make her call. Phone calls are annoying especially as it is clear they are never actually that urgent, but that's modern life for you. TBH endless jabber when you are trapped on a train is just as annoying - but it is public transport so live and let live.

But then I always head for the quiet coach even if I have to stand for the entire journey!

Evergreen17 · 15/06/2016 22:06

Loud phone conversations on the phone are annoying and in my opinion rude. I might have a short conversation and say to the caller Sorry I am on a train and I dont want to disturb others.
If you are talking to someone else loudly is the same.
I dont say this to people I mind my own business but I do think if you have to make a phone call you should schedule better unless a short one

Evergreen17 · 15/06/2016 22:06

Loud phone conversations on the phone are annoying and in my opinion rude. I might have a short conversation and say to the caller Sorry I am on a train and I dont want to disturb others.
If you are talking to someone else loudly is the same.
I dont say this to people I mind my own business but I do think if you have to make a phone call you should schedule better unless a short one

Evergreen17 · 15/06/2016 22:08

Of course OP can call if she wants, but many people, such as myself, will find this rude. Many won't. But it is public transport so unfortunately we all have to give.
I usually move seats if I have "a caller" next to me. I am sure I do things that annoy other people

tigerdriverII · 15/06/2016 22:17

YWBU if this was a quiet coach. But you avoided the quiet coach so typing lady, however irritated she was, had no leg to stand on.

MinD you, if you had been part of the inane couple who were watching some comedy show on their iPad WITHOUT USING HEADPHONES AND WITH THE VOLUME ON HIGH, you might have got a hoick of my judgy pants.

MidniteScribbler · 16/06/2016 00:59

There's something about the OPs actions that would really have annoyed me. She walked out of her carriage and decided that the best place to sit and have a phone conversation was right next to me whilst I was working. It's a bit like smokers who walk away from their dining companions and come over to the area I'm sitting to light up. They don't want to annoy the people they are with, but strangers are fair game.

Mabelface · 16/06/2016 01:08

I was on the train home tonight and a lady was having a conversation with the person next to her at full fucking volume. She was drinking Budweiser at the time and was a bit pissed. At that time of night, after work, there is no need to be so bloody loud. I wanted to gaffer tape her mouth shut. I swear that the next carriage would be able to hear her conversation clearly. I put my earphones in and stuck music on but I could still hear her clearly.

tobee · 16/06/2016 02:02

There was a girl I came across on the tube the other day. Full carriage. She was regaling friend with all the details of an accident she'd had a few days before. It was super loud because she had the phone on her lap. She was plugged into headphones. The kind with a mic quite a long way from chin. The reason she was hands free? She was also applying make up! The train went into a tunnel and the call got off but sadly she rang again as soon as. It was more embarrassing than anything having all this detail foisted upon us. Now she really had problems with being self aware.

Original poster
lalafala · 16/06/2016 08:15

I didn't leave a quiet carriage to sit next to this woman on purpose! I avoided the quiet carriage completely and took a seat in the next carriage and as the train was so full, the seat next to this lady was actually the only one available! It's not like I saw loads of seats and decided to make for the one next to the only person who was working!

OP posts:
IceRoadDucker · 16/06/2016 08:25

You were probably talking much louder than necessary. The majority of people on the phone in public seem to do that.

I don't know about others but I find it much easier to tune out two people talking in the seats opposite than one person on the phone.

londonrach · 16/06/2016 08:55

People on phones tend to talk alot louder than normal and its not private. Ive been shocked by one guy who just interviewed people and on the phone loudly told the whole carriage the names of the interviewees and reasons he didnt like them. I knew his company too as he shared that too. So in answer to your question op it depends on what you sharing and how loud you are but certainly if not in a quiet zone you can make a quick quiet call.

echt · 16/06/2016 09:15

This is why I love Japanese trains. Everyone but everyone is on their phones but no-one takes a call. It is considered the height of rudeness to do so. Ordinary conversation is fine.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 16/06/2016 09:15

Everything everyone else does on the train is annoying. Someone was applying make up this morning and it irrationally annoyed me. Or when people stick a massive suitcase under the table. They should be punched. Or hover about in the aisle. Listen to music. Talk.

I wouldn't get worked up about a phone call. I'd find it a bit odd if someone did. I wouldn't end the call because some random said so. They could feel free to bugger off elsewhere.

At the end of the day no-one would ever do anything if they stopped everything that annoyed someone.

JudyCoolibar · 16/06/2016 09:20

I can see both sides. Sure, if she wanted quiet she should have gone to the quiet compartment. On the other hand, there might not have been room in the quiet compartment when she got on. It's pretty irritating and intrusive if someone is spending ages having a loud conversation which is so inane that it's perfectly obvious that they could have waited till they got home before making the call.

Artistic · 16/06/2016 09:21

People conversing are softer & aware of others around them. People on the phone talk much more loudly & sharply. It's bloody annoying. I usually stare long & hard at such people until they either drop their volume or call. It's definitely NOT ok to have long conversations on the phone in a small area filled with people who either want to read or listen to music or just look out of the window. A quick call is ok.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 16/06/2016 10:02

If you were staring long and hard at me I'd just state long and hard back HmmConfused

JudyCoolibar · 16/06/2016 10:06

I was once on a bus when a woman was upstairs talking on the phone so loudly you could hear her clearly on the lower deck. Various people asked her to keep it down but she ignored them. When she finally completed the call the entire top deck cheered.

angelos02 · 16/06/2016 10:24

YABU. People generally talk more loudly when on their mobile and to me, mobile phones are for very brief conversations...eg, 'Can you pick me up in an hour, thanks, Bye'.

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