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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To talk on the train?

109 replies

lalafala · 15/06/2016 18:27

So I'm on a very busy commuter train at the moment. I had a call I wanted to make, so being mindful of the quiet zone, I walked straight past it into a normal carriage. The lady sat next to me was busy tapping away at her laptop.

I made my call and about half way through she interrupts me to ask if I can't have those conversations this evening as I'm disturbing her. I pointed out that there was a quiet zone for people who wanted quiet but she replied that it's not about the quiet zone, it's about self awareness and me not having any!

So genuinely, I need to know, am I really BU?

OP posts:
milkbottle · 15/06/2016 19:22

Depends. If you were talking at a normal volume then that's fine. But I find that a lot of people shout when they're on the phone and don't even realise it!

Motherinlawsdung · 15/06/2016 19:27

Someone did some research a while back to analyse why it is so much more annoying to have to listen to someone on a mobile phone than someone just talking to someone else. As far as I remember it was something to do with your brain trying to fill in the gaps in the one-sided conversation - it engages your brain more than a normal chat would.

And people do talk more loudly when they are on the phone than when they're face to face.

jay55 · 15/06/2016 19:27

It annoys me when people are loud on phones on my commute. It's just harder to block it out than a conversation between people sat together.
I do wear noise cancelling headphones on longer journeys but not to/from work as its crowded and short.

wasonthelist · 15/06/2016 19:29

not queueing efficiently.

I am intrigued by this one - what would constitute such an offence? :)

brokenbone · 15/06/2016 19:30

On a bus to work last week, early morning still half asleep, was forced to listen to a one sided conversation between a man and what I hope was his dog! "Are you being a good girl? I'll give you treats and belly rubs when I get home and then we'll go for a long walk"!!! He then kept saying the dogs name in various times and pitches... Bella, bella, bella, who's a good girl? Confused

KyloRenNeedsTherapy · 15/06/2016 19:34

Listening to other people's phone calls on the train is one of life's more annoying little stresses. I would never have the balls to tell someone to shut the fuck up, but I'd love to!

MrsWembley · 15/06/2016 19:39

I once sat behind a girl having a conversation on her phone in the quiet carriage and no-one said a word.

I think it might have been because she quite obviously was suffering with Tourette's... Embarrassed much, fellow train travellers?

OP, YWNBU. Unless you were swearing at the top of your voice and even then there are forgivable circumstances.Smile

MadgeMak · 15/06/2016 19:45

What was the phone conversation about? Maybe it was the content she was annoyed about.

puddlejumpingqueen · 15/06/2016 19:57

Whilst YWNBU and are more than entitled to make a phone call, I would be pretty annoyed at someone sitting down next to me then starting a phone call but then I am unreasonable as I cannot stand having to listen to people talking on the phone on trains, I don't know why but it grates in a way people chatting doesn't, i think it's a volume/tone thing. I am aware however this is my issue and would never say anything just think it

PuppyMonkey · 15/06/2016 20:04

If you were my former colleague, who was generally a quiet sort but SHOUTED REALLY LOUDLY ON THE PHONE, I may have thought ywbu too. Have you got form for being loud on phones? Grin

Original poster
lalafala · 15/06/2016 20:09

No I promise it was a normal (for a train) volume conversation! No shouting or talking about anything that would have offended her! How is this any different to people having a conversation on the train!

I'm so mad now I'm home!!! I keep thinking about all the things I wish I'd said!

OP posts:
Sunbeam18 · 15/06/2016 20:37

My heart would sink to my boots if someone sat down next to me and immediately brought out their phone and proceeded to have a long phone conversation, whether I was working or not. It's SO invasive. I find it I fathomable that people are happy for everyone around them to listen to them on the phone. Fully accept that may just be me as an introvert though

Sunbeam18 · 15/06/2016 20:38

Unfathomable!

Gide · 15/06/2016 20:51

My heart would sink to my boots if someone sat down next to me and immediately brought out their phone and proceeded to have a long phone conversation, whether I was working or not. It's SO invasive. I find it I fathomable that people are happy for everyone around them to listen to them on the phone. Fully accept that may just be me as an introvert though

Same, I'd get the rage, big time, especially if I were working. I think it's unreasonable of people to say she should be in the quiet carriage (gets booked up quickly) or shouldn't be working on the train. Why not? Is there some weird rule of which I'm not aware about working being banned on trains outside of the quiet carriage? I got the rage on a long train journey where two people were having a massive loud conversation in the quiet carriage.

I hate people using their phone on the train, it's generally just to pass the time as opposed to needing to talk, I find. I used to commute: I dunno how I didn't kill someone. I think I need to live on top of a far away mountain. Ooh, Faraway Tree, was there ever a Land of Silence?!

Justnapping · 15/06/2016 20:53

Listening to only one side of a conversation is extremely annoying!! I can see why she complained, although I wouldn't do it myself.

3amClub · 15/06/2016 20:55

People who FaceTime on the train Angry 1. Your conversation isn't that important/exciting that we all want to hear it & 2. The signal is always so shit it's just two people shouting 'OH YOU'VE FROZEN' at each other for five minutes. Lord

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 15/06/2016 21:09

I enjoy the one sided conversations sometimes. The oddest one was listening to ask grovelling on the phone, evidently something had been found on a laptop or a phone bill that had got him in big trouble, he was really going for it, almost in tears and then... "Okay, bye mum" Hmm whuuuuuut

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 15/06/2016 21:10

Listening to a man*

NuggetofPurestGreen · 15/06/2016 21:17

Gide of course she can work on the train but she's unreasonable to expect everyone to be quiet just to facilitate it.

Butteredparsnips · 15/06/2016 21:28

I'm voting for she is unreasonable and I usually loathe other people's conversations. If you want quiet sit in the quiet carriage.

When I say I usually loathe, I will make an exception if it is particularly juicy.

Sunbeam18 · 15/06/2016 21:29

But why is it reasonable for someone to inflict their conversation on those around them? The person working is having no impact on those around her, the talker is!

Sunbeam18 · 15/06/2016 21:30

Everyone should be silent as default in my world!

Okay377 · 15/06/2016 21:31

I think YABU. Sorry. I travel a lot for work and avoid conversations on the train because you often lose signal and if not have to raise your voice. It makes business conversations very public and is definitely different to a couple of people chatting normally on the train.

A short call YANBU but I do think to plonk yourself down next to someone and have a long conversation is pretty rude.

2nds · 15/06/2016 21:35

Telling someone to fuck off is asking for a fight, no I think it's OK to take a call on a commuter train, but I'd make it brief.

NeedACleverNN · 15/06/2016 21:36

I dunno, I find the tap tap tap tap of computer keys incredibly irritating

I can block out people speaking but typing grates on me.

If she wanted quiet she should have gone to the quiet carriage

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