We have always had a difficult relationship. My father was abusive in various ways - physical and emotional. She backed him up.
I changed my name in my twenties as a way of saying to myself that I could move on.
My parents always refused to accept the new name and addressed me by the old one.
I had hope that when my father - who was very controlling - died, my mother would open up.
I don't see her a great deal, but have always kept up some sort of relationship, so that she could see her only grandchild (now 18) grow up.
I have just received another email from her addressed to me in my old name. I find it hard to reply. Visits to see her tend to plunge me into depression.
But she is 90. (In reasonable health, good accommodation, with some sort of social life and in regular contact with both my brothers.)
What would you do?