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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aib ungrateful?

216 replies

Changemymindchangemylife · 14/06/2016 22:53

I am about to move to London to start a grad scheme. Have found some friends to live with and will be renting a houseshare as part of my salary. Was really thrilled earlier today when I found friends to share with and called my mum to share the news.

She criticised the decision a bit as she has very kindly saved a sizeable amount of money which she wants me to use as a deposit for a property. It is quite a lot of money and of course is only going down in value as the housing market in London rises. She is understandably anxious for me to get on the market.

Thing is, while I'm very grateful, I don't think she understands London is so expensive these days that I can't really buy somewhere just like that. Her logic is that I should just move further out.

I don't know! I feel ungrateful but I got a bit angry and upset that she wasn't feeling pleased for me at having sorted things myself. It's a long hours graduate job that I don't want to mess up and I don't feel like living far away will be beneficial for me. I also think I might as well live with friends while I'm in my early 20s as soon that won't be an option. She sees it as throwing money down the drain...

WIBU?

OP posts:
FuriousFate · 16/06/2016 18:01

In your position I would buy somewhere and then rent it out, keeping your current situation as it is. We have a two bed flat in zone 6 and it has doubled in value in ten years, now worth around £500K, but £200K sadly won't get you loads in central London.

GravityLucy · 16/06/2016 18:11

Don't rush into buying. Rent somewhere, enjoy yourself, explore London, be sure it's where you want to be long term and work out which bit.

You don't want to be dashing for the last train home to Dullsville, Commuterbelt when you could be staying in the bar and experiencing the joy of a London night bus. When you're more settled and know what you want, then buy.

KayTee87 · 16/06/2016 18:16

Why can't you be a landlord and rent rooms to some mates a similar age? Parents could be mortgage guarantors so you could get a bigger place/mortgage? Best of both worlds surely? My daughters friend had a house she rented out rooms in in Uni and when first qualified, with an inheritance and parental help. Sold it for a profit! Not dead money as your parents say.

If ops parents are over a certain age it's unlikely they will be accepted as guarantors. They would have to be of working age for the length of the mortgage.

Jayfee · 16/06/2016 18:18

I would definitely say rent. Commuting in London can be a nightmare. Enjoy living with other young people . Enjoy life in London. Have fun!

Mycraneisfixed · 16/06/2016 18:27

Haven't RTFT. Buy where you can afford and rent that property out. Rent in (near?) London with friends and enjoy all that London has to offer young people.

stripycat · 16/06/2016 18:38

Just curious, when did you find out about the money? Perhaps your good news and her good news coinciding meant neither of you reacted as you would have done otherwise?

Renting is a responsibility whether you let out fully or let a room in your house. Did your Mum expect you to do this as your start your job, or tell you so when you do come to buy you know where you stand?

I do recommend buying as soon as you are in a position to do so.

BoatyMcBoat · 16/06/2016 18:39

Buy now, it's a decent deposit and will be really helpful - if you buy further out you let it, and stay in your flatshare until you've got your job and being in London thing down pat.

It won't be anything like so helpful in a year, so do it now.

Jessikita · 16/06/2016 18:49

Although I agree with your Mum technically I think it's a bit soon to jump in with a house purchase in that area. I would just wait for 6 months and check that London is for you, scour areas and make sure you find a couple of areas that you are happy with and within your price range and then go for it. You would need to rent temporarily anyway. Even if you started home hunting tomorrow it would take a while to go through etc

Capricornandproud · 16/06/2016 19:12

Buy, buy, buy! I live in Northern Ireland now but tree up in Mitcham. If you buy near colliers wood border you are literally 15 minutes walk to the Northern Line end of the Tube. Morden is also a popular spot for commuters and you could house yourself well with that money - and perhaps still rent out rooms to a flatmate if you want some company and an income? You'd be crazy to rent and, I hate to say it, all of a sudden your 35 and one half of a couple, wishing you had some equity to move into the next phase of your life.

Also.... Ring your mum back and explain you were just chuffed you sorted so much yourself to make her proud. That sentence WILL make her proud.

Capricornandproud · 16/06/2016 19:12

grew not bloody tree!

hmmmum · 16/06/2016 19:16

I can see where you're coming from and the living arrangement you've set up with friends sounds really great. Could you ask your mum to let you give it a year and then you can re-think things after that? It would give you a chance to settle into life in London and think about where you'd even want to buy.
The property market is brutal in London right now and even if you find a place you like there could be bidding wars and lots of complications. We are buying in London and I've been amazed at how insane it's been and that's in a rough area in zone 3.
Like someone else pointed out you should wait to see whether we leave or remain in the EU.
I know your mum is eager for you to buy but it would be reasonable to let you wait a year or so.

hmmmum · 16/06/2016 19:19

P.s. Mortgage guarantors aren't accepted by most mortgage providers these days. (At least that's what we were advised).

oldmums · 16/06/2016 19:22

buy yourself a property and rent out a room, you don't want to rent from someone else when you can be the one who makes the rules when your sharing, move out of London tho

happypoobum · 16/06/2016 19:35

GIven your age I think you should be living in London and enjoying life, not commuting for hours every day and living in the duller suburbs.

I live an hour away from London by train and £200k wouldn't buy you a 1 bed flat where I am.

I agree with PP. I would buy to let - maybe near where she lives as that might make her feel more involved? That way you get an income and are on the property ladder.

Good luck with your new job.

NiceCardigan · 16/06/2016 19:40

DD is about to start a

Capricornandproud · 16/06/2016 19:43

OP; you could always but in a completely different area i.e. Near home or whereever that is and be a landlord? You might get more for your money and remote managing a rental is easy enough with a good agency. However, any rental income would just likely have to go towards the expense of living in London. Its a tough one.... But a situation most of us would love to be in Grin

NiceCardigan · 16/06/2016 19:46

DD is about to start a graduate job I would expect her to want to feel settled in the job before choosing to buy something. we have some money to help with a deposit but certainly wouldn't expect her to be in a position to take it for a few years.

badg3r · 16/06/2016 20:00

£200k won't get you anywhere nice in London. We are in an OK area and it is at least £350k for a one bed. Even if it could get you a one bed, it can be very lonely living alone. Put it towards an investment property.

minipie · 16/06/2016 20:02

  1. If you are going to be in a City/long hours job then do not have a long commute. You will hate your life.

  2. If you do not know London then don't rush into buying anything. You will want to take some time looking round areas first. You will also want to work out whether the job is a goer or not (hopefully it will be, but hard to be sure till you start)

  3. You should be able to get a decent mortgage with a £200k deposit and a graduate salary. So don't think you're restricted to a £200k deposit. If your starting salary is say £40k then you'd be able to borrow c£150k, maybe more.

Overall I would say:

Don't buy now - either a place to live in or a buy to let. Wait a year. Visit areas. See how the job goes.

Yes property prices will increase, but probably so will your earnings. So you will miss out on some value increase, and spend money on rent, but hopefully you would still be able to afford the same type of place in a year, and in the meantime you will have much more knowledge.

But please do rent in a reasonably affordable area! Don't chuck all your earnings at a place in Notting Hill or similar.

ToffeeForEveryone · 16/06/2016 20:06

Absolutely buy. 200k is a good deposit for a 2/3 bed in a lot of commutable areas, you could still flat share and be central for socialising. Rent is ridiculously high in London and it's money you are giving to someone else to pay off their mortgage.

Me and DH bought in Zone 3 about 4 years ago and increase in equity has outperformed our salaries. We gave away nearly £25k on rent in just 18 months before that ...

Buy in your early 20s and you could conceivably be mortgage free by 35. You'll kick yourself later if you don't take the opportunity now.

mygorgeousmilo · 16/06/2016 20:12

Put it towards an investment property and rent it out. By the time you're ready to live in your own property/start family or what have you, you'll be on the ladder and will hopefully have made a dent in the mortgage. 200k is a HUGE amount to be given, absolutely huge. Living with friends will be very fun and exciting, but when life starts to get boring and you have bills coming out of your ears and everyone has settled down, you'll be glad you have that property as a spring board!

Bri2016 · 16/06/2016 21:02

Been here with my own dd 5 years ago. us oldies don't quite appreciate the stress you younger ones are facing but we do understand property and its value. with the benefit of hindsight I would say go with your instincts -we are all different.. property ownership does not come alone. you will have a lot of responsibilities at the same time as you are starting out on a new and demanding job. I would suggest explaining to your Mother your current feelings of insecurity and vulnerability. Ask her if she could kindly postpone her generous offer for a year whilst you get your professional life established. have the confidence to tell her how you feel and ask for her patience. Property might inflate but the last thing your mother wants is for your confidence or career to deflate. this is not all about money or property. dare I say - ask your Mother to back off. good luck

Josie5 · 16/06/2016 21:13

Live with you friends in London - it will be much more fun than being on the outskirts. I did the same as you early twenties in London with some friends it was fabulous and it would've been a pain to have to commute home after drinks in town. Buy somewhere on the outskirts and rent it out that could earn you and your mum some extra income and is a good investment for your 200k.

Postchildrenpregranny · 16/06/2016 22:33

DD1 has(with our help) just bought a two bed flat in Zone 3 for £355,000 .It needs about £10,000 spending on it .Work is under way She will let out the second room once it is finished and furnished . A similar done -up flat in the same street has just sold for £400,000.So yes it should be a good investment but you wouldnt get much for £200,000 so unless you can borrow at least £150,000 ? And stamp duty and other fees were about £10,000
DD is 30 and is finding it very stressful ,even with considerable support from us
My second DD has just bought in Manchester.Cheaper and a bit less competition to buy but she has also found it stressful and she is 26 .
Both have had the fun of sharing
I think you should enjoy your first few years at work without this responsibility

hotdiggedy · 16/06/2016 22:52

How does someone save up £200,000 to give to their child for a deposit? or even £20,000?

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