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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aib ungrateful?

216 replies

Changemymindchangemylife · 14/06/2016 22:53

I am about to move to London to start a grad scheme. Have found some friends to live with and will be renting a houseshare as part of my salary. Was really thrilled earlier today when I found friends to share with and called my mum to share the news.

She criticised the decision a bit as she has very kindly saved a sizeable amount of money which she wants me to use as a deposit for a property. It is quite a lot of money and of course is only going down in value as the housing market in London rises. She is understandably anxious for me to get on the market.

Thing is, while I'm very grateful, I don't think she understands London is so expensive these days that I can't really buy somewhere just like that. Her logic is that I should just move further out.

I don't know! I feel ungrateful but I got a bit angry and upset that she wasn't feeling pleased for me at having sorted things myself. It's a long hours graduate job that I don't want to mess up and I don't feel like living far away will be beneficial for me. I also think I might as well live with friends while I'm in my early 20s as soon that won't be an option. She sees it as throwing money down the drain...

WIBU?

OP posts:
StatisticallyChallenged · 15/06/2016 09:19

I would wait maybe a year or so until you've found your feet, lived in London and been able to explore and settled in to your job. Plenty of people start grad schemes and find that for whatever reason they've made the wrong choice. Plus, a lot of grad schemes have quite rapid job - and salary - progression so by the time you've been in a year or so your income might have gone up a fair bit which might mean you can buy a bigger property which will be a more long term option - maybe with a second room to rent out. I also think you'd struggle to get a mortgage straight away when you're just starting your first job - I've always been asked for several months payslips for a start.

I think it would be different if you were settling in your home town but I wouldn't immediately buy in a new city without taking some time to explore.

hooliodancer · 15/06/2016 09:19

Buy somewhere! It's a brilliant opportunity. You could even get a 2 bed and rent a room out if you want to share. By renting you are just paying off someone else's mortgage- fine if you have no choice, but you do.

Further out, if you can get a mortgage on your salary, you could get a nice 2 bed for 250k. I live 35 minutes from Waterloo, but my area has felt much more like London in the past few years, simply because more and more younger people are moving out of London

I wish I had been able to buy something at your age. It will make the rest of your life much easier, really it will.

BipBippadotta · 15/06/2016 09:21

OP, I can see why you're upset but also why your mother is frustrated. You're only young once - but you also only get one shot to make your first property purchase, and I really really wish we'd done it younger.

The fact is you are in a brilliant position here. You can have your cake and eat it - freedom and security. Get a small flat somewhere with good transport links (with a £200k deposit it doesn't need to be that far out). Either rent it out and continue with your flatsharing plan with friends, or live in it yourself. Don't know what your graduate scheme salary would be, but you could get a lovely 2 bed garden flat in Walthamstow for £400k - £450k, 15 mins to Liverpool St, 15 mins to King's Cross on the Victoria Line, 30 mins or so to Oxford Circus, plenty of young people living there etc... you could rent it out & cover the mortgage, or live there with a friend.

Congratulations on your grad scheme and enjoy London.

blueskyinmarch · 15/06/2016 09:30

I guess you need to consider other things too.

Will you get a mortgage if you have only just started working?

Will your grad scheme require you to rotate round different parts of the business in different cities?

Do you plan to use the grad scheme to move jobs after a few years?

Dontwantanicknamethanks · 15/06/2016 09:31

I get why your mum wants you to buy a property but it sounds like you're not quite ready. If you start looking in earnest, it would probably take you at least a year anyway. Plus it's really worth carefully considering areas as well, in terms of amenities, transport and crime. But if you can buy in London, do it as it will be the best investment you will make. Also, this is the only time in your life you will be happy to do a flat share as you will get fed up with that too! Enjoy having fun for a few years so you experience it but if you can buy in ur twenties you will be sorted for life. Get your mum to start the research, that'll keep her busy for a while!

HanYOLO · 15/06/2016 09:32

Move into the houseshare, for a year or two at least. Look for property in that time.

123therearenomoreusernames · 15/06/2016 09:38

You could buy and rent it out for a year and live with friends for that year then live in it later.

StatisticallyChallenged · 15/06/2016 09:44

I think I would pitch it to your mum as "planning to buy but need to get to know the city, research the market and areas and be in my job long enough to get a mortgage so I have as much choice as possible."

Might give you some time to think!

thedogdaysareover · 15/06/2016 09:49

Just because it's a generous gift and it is a lovely thing, don't get me wrong, it doesn't mean you should take it right now if you feel like it will clip your wings and your options in some way. Perhaps you will hate London. Perhaps you will not want the hassle of owning a home or being a landlord. Perhaps you will want to go abroad. It sounds like what you want is this flat share because you have sorted it yourself and your mum doesn't appreciate how hard you have worked to sort it. Or is it what you want? It sounds like you were a bit crestfallen mostly about the fact that you have done the right thing (taken responsibility for the situation and planned for yourself), and that is the real issue. You still got criticised. Look inside for the answer, ask yourself what you want. I think it is always a good idea to look for the motivation behind money. If it being used in any way to control you then think about it. I'm not saying it is, but only you can know that.

AppleSetsSail · 15/06/2016 09:49

Wait for the EU referendum? OP hardly has any choice in the matter, she can't buy a flat in 8 days.

OP - Buy. The market is soft-ish in London right now. Rent it out and live with your friends if you like. You're on the cusp of an amazing journey, HAVE FUN.

Peeporeader · 15/06/2016 09:50

If I were you, I would be wanting to wait a year or so - there's lots of changes going on in your life and its perfectly reasonable to want to have the bright lights, big city experience with your friends.

I bought a house at a similar age and whilst I'm very lucky to not have had to pay rent, it did mean I wasn't able to pursue some opportunities (and its way too small now, hohum).

Also, my nephew was on one of the big London grad schemes and the hours he did are incredible - does your mum understand the hours you are going to be working?

MrsShepherd · 15/06/2016 10:12

Firstly congrats on the new job OP! And what a generous gift from your mother.

If I were you I would be jumping onto the property ladder, but with a new job you may want to wait a few months just to settle and get a better idea of where you love in London. As a born and bred Londoner there ups and downs to each area, but in terms of a sound investment I would be looking at South London.

A good friend of mine has just bought a gorgeous 2 bed flat in east croydon for 150k. I You can be at victoria in 15 mins on the train and they're opening a new westfields there along with other regeneration so the property values are sure to increase massively.

Battersea will hopefully be getting an underground connection soonish, and there are talks of extending the bakerloo line to areas in south east London too.

Renting rooms out is a great idea, you'll get the best of both worlds, plus a bit of extra income!

Musicinthe00ssucks · 15/06/2016 10:12

Could you look into buying a 2 bed property and share with a friend who would pay you rent, therefore paying a proportion of your mortgage. 200K, even in London, is an extremely healthy deposit for a flat.

Sundance01 · 15/06/2016 10:14

This is not a decision you have to make straight away - even just looking at houses and flats with your Mum might help the situation without you having to commit to anything.

Just one thing though - never ever forget just how damn lucky you are to be in this position. I reckon 90% of young people can only dream of having this amount of money and having this 'difficult' decision to make.

ifyoulikepinacolada · 15/06/2016 11:03

I would rent for 6 months to a year while you get to know london and build up the squeakiest clean credit score you can! Then get a mortgage, buy somewhere like walthamstow or battersea, and rent a room out to a friend.

I can totally understand why you don't want to buy just now and why you wouldn't want to move further out and I don't think you should - but the market isn't shooting up at the moment so in a year or so you'll be in a much stronger position. You'll be able to live somewhere you like with £200k as a deposit, so have that as the plan.

AppleSetsSail · 15/06/2016 11:08

somewhere like walthamstow or battersea,

The two are not even remotely comparable!

myownprivateidaho · 15/06/2016 11:08

I think that buying somewhere and renting out a second bedroom to a friend would be the best option for you - best of both worlds.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 15/06/2016 11:27

I would move in with friends and settle into your job and the area for a bit. It's much easier to view properties when you're living there, plus you can ask colleagues about their commutes and investigate different areas.

There are so many areas to live in London, I'd want to settle in first.

Nuggy2013 · 15/06/2016 11:29

You can buy for £200k plus a mortgage in London (I'm from London).

StatisticallyChallenged · 15/06/2016 11:36

But to buy with the mortgage surely op will need to move to London and start her job- I don't think many mortgage companies would be willing to lend to someone just out of uni who has a contract but hasn't actually started working yet. She's going to need to be in the job a good few months before she can even think about applying for a mortgage. Factor I'm the time to find a property and then offers, surveys, mortgage approval etc...realistically it would be at least 6 months anyway which is probably the duration of her tenancy!

Whilst she should be looking to buy at some point it would seem crazy to try and buy somewhere before she's even in London - especially as it would limit her to the 200k and the logistics of flat hunting would be a nightmare.

AuntJane · 15/06/2016 12:27

For £200k you might get a studio flat in Catford (south London) or Clapton (east), but you wouldn't have much choice.

Having a deposit is all very well, but unless you have an income you won't get a mortgage for the rest of the purchase.

StarkintheSouth · 15/06/2016 12:48

London and commuter towns are so expensive 200k won't buy you much, but with a mortgage you could get somewhere less than an hour out. So maybe speak to your bank to get an idea of when you could apply for a mortgage so you can plan. I went through the same thing a few years ago, I was made redundant and got a payout of around 17K. My mum insisted I invest that in property and no matter how much I told her the resulting mortgage with that much money wouldn't get us a big enough mortgage to buy anything other than a shoebox in London, she just didn't get it. She even said that by the time she was my age she had already bought her second house. Yes, she was a second time buyer by the time she was 30. In the 80s. In the Dearne Valley, which is still one of the cheaper places in the UK to buy a house. There was no telling her and things got very heated..! But lucky you to have that much £££ given to you!

AaoograhaHoa · 15/06/2016 12:49

I'm with umbountychoc - buy a place somewhere you might like to live say in your 30s outside of London then rent it out.

Rent a place near where you would like to be now until you finish studies....

Best of both worlds, plus more options a few years down the line.

Baffy · 15/06/2016 13:14

New job, new city and long hours doesn't sound to me like the ideal time to be taking on board buying and renting out a property.

I completely understand why people would suggest it and agree with the importance of getting on the property ladder, but don't see why you can't just rent as planned for 12 months whilst you get used to the new job and have a think about where you'd like to buy.

It's a shame your Mum didn't show how pleased she is for you (which I'm sure she is deep down!). Can you do what some posters have suggested - tell her how grateful you are and that you completely understand that buying is really important... however, ask for her to support you for the next 12-18 months whilst you find your feet, work out where you want to buy, and then start house-hunting...

I'm not sure I'd complicate things with becoming a landlord at this stage if I were you. The new job, long hours and moving to London sounds enough to deal with!

In 12 months you'll have had chance to do your research and work out where you would like to live. Also, you'll be established enough in your job to be eligible for a mortgage, and may also have met some people that you could rent out some of 'your' spare rooms to!

Greenleave · 15/06/2016 13:45

A Graduate scheme in the city is usually 2-4 years, the job is much more guaranteed than any other job, the prospect of getting a good job after is higher than anyone else. Its no brainer to use her money and buy a flat. Buy a two bed then let 1 bed out, you are rent free plus at least £500/month for the rent income to help with the mortgage. Its so much better. A flat is easy to maintain and manage even you let the whole flat out. You are very lucky to be in this position, grab it tight!