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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aib ungrateful?

216 replies

Changemymindchangemylife · 14/06/2016 22:53

I am about to move to London to start a grad scheme. Have found some friends to live with and will be renting a houseshare as part of my salary. Was really thrilled earlier today when I found friends to share with and called my mum to share the news.

She criticised the decision a bit as she has very kindly saved a sizeable amount of money which she wants me to use as a deposit for a property. It is quite a lot of money and of course is only going down in value as the housing market in London rises. She is understandably anxious for me to get on the market.

Thing is, while I'm very grateful, I don't think she understands London is so expensive these days that I can't really buy somewhere just like that. Her logic is that I should just move further out.

I don't know! I feel ungrateful but I got a bit angry and upset that she wasn't feeling pleased for me at having sorted things myself. It's a long hours graduate job that I don't want to mess up and I don't feel like living far away will be beneficial for me. I also think I might as well live with friends while I'm in my early 20s as soon that won't be an option. She sees it as throwing money down the drain...

WIBU?

OP posts:
TiredOfSleep · 15/06/2016 20:01

Another voting to rent something else and letting it out.

Lukesme · 15/06/2016 20:10

Give it a few months on the pretext that you need to sound out the areas. Then see how you feel. I bought in London age 23 and rented a room out. If you can manage a 2 bed with a mortgage to top up the 200k then it will probably be an investment (not always I was the generation of negative equity ) . I still had a great time had a flatmate and lived in my own property.

chickenowner · 15/06/2016 20:33

I bought a house in my 20s and now rent it out :-)

dansmum · 15/06/2016 21:08

encourage your mum to help look for something in 12 months time ( you will know where and who you want to flat share with. You may hate your new job. you might be seconded elsewhere, or be promoted to another site.
When you are settled, why not let her buy the property and then you and your housemates can 'rent' from her.
In a few years, when you are ready to move job, or something else, or stay put, or paid off the student loan...whatever...she can transfer the property to you, your credit rating will be OK to take on the mortgage. It gives you the flexibility and mobility you need at first, with the security when you are ready for it. This will also mean your mortgage will be shorter term( 20 or 15 years instead of 25yrs)and your repayments will be smaller and pay less interest. She wants to help- this solution benefits all of you !

Pearlman · 15/06/2016 21:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Okay377 · 15/06/2016 21:40

Honestly, I do try and be understanding of others problems, it's all relative etc, but I can't believe that someone being gifted £200k to buy a house finds something to complain about....

wasp where in London are you going to find a decent property for £200k

Um, several boroughs you could get a one or two bed for 250/300 so a small mortgage that would be less than renting.

op putting aside my bitterness at the London housing market I suggest you buy with that enormous generosity of your parents. If you want to house share you can then let a room or two out and pay of your mortgage using the rent from your friends

Okay377 · 15/06/2016 21:44

Apologies op I just read your post again and you're obviously not at all ungrateful. Please take advantage of your luck and enjoy the home you can have with it.

PitOfFique · 15/06/2016 22:45

Lots of great advice on the economics of house buying v renting, and other practical considerations. You are not being ungrateful. But I must ask: what is your relationship with your mother like? Is this a gift freely given, or a way of trying to control you? I wouldn't underestimate how such a gift can affect your relationship. I come from a cynical viewpoint of having quite controlling parents. Not on the same scale, but my parents gifted my DH and me their old car, as they were upgrading. It wasn't exactly what we wanted or would have chosen, but we didn't feel that we could turn down such a gift. The car feels like theirs. It would be inspected for scratches and damage, and hoovered and cleaned when we went to visit. It made us feel very uncomfortable. They are now looking to upgrade again, but we have graciously declined this time. Small unsuitable gifts can be accepted out of politeness and lived with; it's not so easy with larger gifts. Your mum is offering to gift you part of a house effectively, but it's not a gift freely given if there are strings attached. You've already made your plans and you can be proud of what you have achieved, and are making your own way in life. Why did your mum not tell you about the money sooner?

RaspberryPi1 · 15/06/2016 22:54

House prices could go up, they could go down.
Enjoy the house share, after a couple of years you'll know where you want to live in London without jumping in head first!

For the record, I rented in central London for the best part of 10 years before buying further a field. Wouldnt have been able to buy my rented flat, but it was jolly good living there! And rent isn't always the case of throwing away money.

Floods123 · 16/06/2016 06:45

Get yourself a but to let with the £200k. Rent from that should cover yours and you on the ladder

Marmalade85 · 16/06/2016 07:54

I would rent for a year and get a feel for London. Many people hate it. Get to know the different areas and use then use the £200k to get a mortgage in zone 2/3. I'm very envious of you as I've been saving for a deposit for years.

jasleenks · 16/06/2016 13:19

Hi,

I would buy a property and rent it out, and continue to live with your friends.

That way you get the life you want, which is important, but you secure your future, which is what your mum wants.

Jx

Thingamajiggy · 16/06/2016 13:26

BUY! Even if it's buy to let while you rent elsewhere if you're set on living in London. Worst house in best street; location, location, location etc. Don't think twice..

Thingamajiggy · 16/06/2016 13:28

people have commented house prices go down but not for any significant time and mainly at the top end of the market. Mid priced houses are always a sensible bet. Population's not getting any smaller you know. We're not talking the Welsh Valleys! Houses in or around London will always be a good investment

Thingiebob · 16/06/2016 13:29

Bloody hell! I'm nearly 40 and stuck in a small three bed with no real hope of moving. If I had this offer when I was your age, my life would be so different. Don't waste this money on renting. At least shove it in a high interest account so you can buy in the future.

pleasethankyouthankyouplease · 16/06/2016 13:37

I would say thank you very much , buy somewhere outside London and rent it out . Live with your friends in London and HAVE FUN!!!!!

Maireadplastic · 16/06/2016 13:39

South East London- zone 3/4 is still doable. Buy somewhere with two beds- you'll cover any mortgage with the rent from the lodger...which will give you flexibility.

bootytoots · 16/06/2016 13:40

Look in to buy to let but do it after the referendum just in case we have a crash.

Ettedo1 · 16/06/2016 13:41

Get a buy to let mortgage. Buy a property further out of London and let it out. Then live in a house share nearer to work (living with others would be more fun). Think about whether to move into it or sell it when you have finished your grad post.

lotbyname · 16/06/2016 13:52

"I'm moving to London and must I live in zone 1 or I will die" is such a common brain trick it's hilarious. You'll move here, and within two years you idear of where 's good to live will have changed. You'll also find yourself moving every year or so in rented anyhow

Buying a place in an area you're unfamiliar with is dubious. Buy a place live there fora bit and then rent it out.

Also: b you'll need to find somewhere to live in the RIDICULOUSLY long time it takes to find and bay a place anyway so wheres the argument?

WeatherwaxOrOgg · 16/06/2016 13:52

I haven't read all the replies, but waiting is a terrible idea. In a years time property prices will probably (assuming it follows the trajectory of the last 50 years) be much higher relatively.

I think buy now, even if you rent it out and still live in London.

My sisters daughter (in her twenties) commutes every day to London from Ashford in Kent, where shes bought a little cottage. There's a fast train that takes only 40 mins. They live in one of the pretty villages there - it's beautiful.

EllenMP · 16/06/2016 14:00

NOOOOO! Do NOT move to the suburbs and live by yourself at the age of 23. That's crazy. You should DEFINITELY live in a buzzy area, close to your work, and you should live with friends. You have done a great job sorting that out for yourself and you should pat yourself on your back and enjoy your young, single life in the city. Do not exile yourself to the suburbs alone just because your mum is itching to give you her present. Having a good time in the city while you are young is not "throwing money away by renting." It is something all young people should get to enjoy while they can. The suburbs are fantastic -- for families and people who really love gardening. Not for you. Your mum is clearly a loving and thoughtful person who wants the best for you, but you do not have to make your choices based on what she would do in your shoes. I suggest you tell your mother with all the love in your heart that you are really grateful for her generosity, but you would like to hold off on accepting her gift until you are more settled in your career and know where you would like to live. Buying a home is a huge commitment and you should not let anyone rush you into it no matter how good their intentions. Rent for now, live a carefree life with your friends, and show your mother you love and appreciate her in other ways. And in ten years when you are ready to have a family, the suburbs will be there to welcome you.

Leefr200 · 16/06/2016 14:00

Why not buy a property and rent it out I'm sure that would cover your rent as well as the mortgage

BabyGanoush · 16/06/2016 14:02

yes, invest the money for a year (even if it's just 2% interest) and get to know London first.

It's much better to buy in a neighbourhood you know.

I bought in an unfashionable neighbourhood where I was renting before, because I knew it and liked it and the commute to work was easy (Tube 2 min walk). This flat was later easy to rent out for precisely the reasons I liked it (Tube station nearby, grubby but not rough area, lots of renovation going on). Never buy a BTL you would not be happy to live in yourself.

Get to know London first, then pounce!

BabyGanoush · 16/06/2016 14:04

Reading the advice on here, I sometimes wonder if the UK property marking is like one giant pyramid scheme?!

It is, isn't it?!