To think this was a bit tactless of the teacher

[callherwillow]

The teacher in question referred to friends daughter (Year 4) as 'bonny'. I realise that there are areas of the country where this is just a compliment without any other connotations but here it essentially means 'fat.'

The friends DD was a few minutes late due to helping set up the assembly and upon entering had gone to sit with her friends and was stopped by the teacher who tried to steer her to the year 6s and when she politely explained she was in year 4 the teacher commented (in a whole school assembly where the children could all hear her) 'well, you are a very bonny girl for year 4, aren't you?'

Not the teachers finest hour, I don't think?

Ego I have read all your posts on this thread and am bored to tears by them so won't be responding to you. Just so you know though, your badgering and nit picking of the OP would be sailing very close to bullying if you were doing it in RL.

I am glad you've said that Nicki as its how I feel.

I feel I am being picked at and pecked and it's making me feel frustrated, upset and annoyed. It's making me feel I did something wrong in asking anonymous people their take on an incident. It's making me feel unwelcome. It's making me feel stupid and upset and clumsy.

It's making me feel how I felt in year 8, actually :)

But that's all I'm going to say

Do you promise?

Ego in that situation I wouldn't look at what the teacher said and whether it was right or not.
I would look at the effect on the child.

If following that remark in front of the whole school, the child is then getting remarks from other children or has been feeling really bad about it or is suddenly getting very self concious etc... Then I would go and see the teacher/HT.

To be honest what I am more surprised about is the fact that said teacher didn't know if she was in Y4 or Y6. How many pupils is there in that school?

I've just been thinking about this, there's a girl in my dd's year 4 who is taller than me, she's only 8 though. We don't use "Bonny" round here but I think it would be pretty mean and inappropriate to express surprise and make comment on the fact that she's bigger and more grown up looking than all her classmates. It's not a compliment is it? It's making her stand out and having attention drawn to her as "different" and ime most girls of that age don't like that. She already knows she stands out, she doesn't need telling by an adult who should know better.

Numberone
Jessie you did not offer a contrary view to the proposition that teachers should be allowed call children fat in front of a room full of people at 8:43confused . No one has, which is exactly the point that I and others have mentioned.

Are you seriously suggesting that the only valid response to an AIBU is YABU?

Callher I think you come across as very articulate. Certainly in no way stupid or clumsy. My initial post was that it is so difficult with the differences in subtly of language to say whether the teacher was actually inappropriate and to what scale. I was hopefully being obviously jokey about the evil genius thing. That and how interesting it was about the differences in language.

My other comments were all directed at Jessie who decided to jump on me from my first post. We can all feel under attack and defensive on MN sometimes.

I would consider 'Bonny' a nicer way of saying 'big' which would make sense in this context. Saying 'you're a big girl for year 4' would make sense but could be taken negatively so maybe she just thought 'Bonny' was a nicer way of saying it and didn't realise that, to some others, it could also be taken negatively.

I know and that's why I didn't say anything for a while. It was the level of persistency in one case that made me feel like that. I'm also sorry it's led to bad feeling. That really wasn't the intention at all.

I've always thought that bonny was a kind of compliment. Never heard it used in a fat context.

Even in the context of the regional meaning, it makes no sense. "You're a very fat girl for year 4, aren't you?" "Tall" or "Big" would make sense.

The thing is I think your thread is perfectly fine, I always have. The problem for me has always been I could not gauge where on the continuum of offence bonny lay. If I was local to you, I could have an opinion on that.

When you agreed with the much more clear cut proposition that came up after I posted 'being tactless to pass negative comment about a child.....' well that was not an AIBU for me anymore - of course no one can speak to a child negatively in front of a room full of people - totally clear cut. So yes the only possible answer to this version is YANBU.

Your version though, I figure is much more open to local interpretation, like the example solid I gave and therefore very worthy of AIBU, just not nationally apparently .

Now I'm worried that if I ever move to another area, I'm going to get my arse handed to me if I use the word "bonny".

You won't. It's never used as an insult.

Well Numberone if you didn't come on threads with the sole purpose of telling people to post elsewhere then nobody would criticise you.

Jessie you have deliberately misunderstood every word I have posted so I am just going to ignore you from now on. I did not come on any post to tell the OP she should not post. I have explained about 5 times now but frankly you are not worth the energy.

I could equally say that you have repeatedly completely disregarded my explanation about the OP's actual AIBU (which she herself confirmed!) so we're quits Numberone.

Jessie was QUITE correct!

I could equally say that you have repeatedly completely disregarded my explanation about the OP's actual AIBU (which she herself confirmed!) so we're quits

And there was I thinking you thought I had only come on to tell the OP not to post, you actually had read my other posts.

I am hiding this thread now. Peace and love to all.

It very often means 'well-built', and that's the only definition which makes sense in what the teacher said. And that is tactless.

I cannot see what on earth Ego is getting out of this. OP YANBU, in your thoughts about this comment, in starting the thread, or in placing it in AIBU.

No problem with where the thread is. 90% of what is posted here is an engineered aibu. But you still haven't answered how it makes sense in context to say a child is too fat for year 4. Are your year 6's notoriously obese?

It means big/well built/well-developed, in many instances, as established. None of which are things you should say to a 9 year old, and any of which can also overlap with 'fat'.

That is the local meaning but clearly not the meaning the teacher meant. You can't be fat for year 4. There will be overweight children from reception to year 6. You can't guess what year a child is in going by their weight. The teacher could only possibly be referring to height.