AIBU to have walked out of the doctors crying today

[alittlebitofwhatyoufancy]

My doctor appointment was because I had a sore eye so I wasn't really going in upset or anything!

My gp asks about what support I have every time I go there this time he just wouldn't leave it alone. Giving a speech about how "for thousands of years women have raised children with the help of the community". It is bad timing for this as my dh left on the weekend and I have no one else.

I think I just took it the wrong way but when he said "let us help you be a good mother" I pretty much just lost my ability to cope.

I held it together to get to the door of the surgery but spent most of the walk home crying.

Was I being unreasonable to be so upset I feel like the speech etc was a little uncalled for as realistically unless he is offering to be my best friend or come and clean my house for me (both seem unlikely ) what the hell good is it for him to tell me to magic up some support!

Shiny - that's awful.
I don't mind him asking I get that it's his job i just wondered if I should have been so upset - I'm thinking not now after this thread .

OP, I don't think you are BU to be upset btw, but I also think your GP was trying to do the right thing even if, on this occasion, he got it wrong.

I get this a lot as my ds has a rare illness, I took him to the gp as he'd been unwell for days and explained I keep coming back because there somehing wrong with him and I'm moving house in two days the gp replied maybe I'm just very stressed and need some help 2 days later he was acutely ill and admitted to hospital with an untreatreated bladder infection.

So I get exactly what you mean op, you are right about the gp not actually being able to help so telling you should have more friends and family isn't going to help so it's not practical advise either.

OP I get what you mean as I often feel touchy myself in interactions with HCP.

I think you need to look for the intention.

Sometimes, you will get a patronising comment because the dr is privileged/ contemptuous/ a bit of an arse.

Sometimes, it is because they are trying to reach out or express something human, and are not very good with words.

It sounds to me like it's the latter here. So as PPs say - he said let us help you so I'd go back and say 'actually...'

Maybe he can't offer anything! Maybe he will say 'ah did you know there is a new service'.

You won't know unless you ask so give the man credit for trying and forgive him for wording it wrong :)

Thanks mrsdevere I think it's just I know my life is a bit rubbish atm and having someone point that out (and someone who doesn't even know 99% of it either!) just got a bit much!

To give you an idea I have posted about various things on here (and got wonderful help) but I have used different usernames because I don't want even strangers on a forum knowing everything together !

Revolting I certainly give him credit for trying - I think it must be very difficult to be in a job where you have to ask people about things which are no go areas in most day to day conversations!

"I don't mind him asking I get that it's his job i just wondered if I should have been so upset - I'm thinking not now after this thread ."

absolutely not. I think you are very kind/understanding about his clumsiness.

If you regularly attend the GP with things that lead him to see a pattern, then he did exactly the right thing to ask. People who attend with excema flare ups are often going through stressful periods (as with tummy trouble, headaches etc etc), and GPs are now trained to see these patterns and offer support. I think you ABU, you could well be posting that you saw the GP and he was short and dismissive with you. I wish sometimes health professionals would be cut some slack

Ubiquity a shag and a whisper would be great if probably accept the whisper from my gp would be rather reluctant about the other!!

Any name I didn't know excema flare ups could be caused by stress although that does make sense

I think your GP is being entirely reasonable in his concern about your health and any support you may need, I feel this is within his professional remit.

He may have approached this concern rather clumsily, but he was doing his job to mention it.

I have absolutely no experience of PND or the drugs involved, so my opinion can be completely ignored. But I would rather a GP who was monitoring the length of time you were on drugs, as opposed to one who would happily sit back and give you a 6 month prescription.

I think the fact that you walked out of his surgery crying suggests you may need a bit of support.

Thanks booklooker I probably do

GPs ( good ones anyway) are well tuned to the patient who comes in with a reasonably small issue then 'doesn't want to waste their time' with the actual big issue.
I think his heart is in the right place, although his wording is a little clumsy - perhaps you could go back and see what support actually is there?

One other thing - a flare up of eczema so bad it's bleeding plus pneumonia recently? Sounds like you're very physically run down. Why not go back and ask for a few general tests to check the basics of your health? I'd suggest a full thyroid panel, blood glucose and Hba1c, vitamins D (25OH) ferritin and a full blood count. This should just rule out any physical things that can easily be sorted and might ankle you feel stronger. While you're there, you can reopen the conversation?

Sounds like you're having a really rough time. Be kind to yourself.

Ankle?? Make you!! Jeez, fat fingers on phone keyboard...

Thanks skipton I have been very run down lately yes I have had pneumonia tonsilitis and flu and been I hopsital three times since December . I hadn't really thought of relating it to stress or anything i just thought it was bad luck.

They did go crazy on blood tests in the hospital but said everything was fine.

How awful for you.

He didn't put it very well although he does sound like a nice guy with dedication who would like to make your life better. So he might appreciate the feedback 'As much as I appreciated your care when you said "let us help you be a good mother" it made me question whether you thought I was a good mother which I found unhelpful at the time.' He'll probably go overboard in future with, 'Now it's not that I think there's anything lacking...'

Then he won't do it again and you'll hopefully be the last lady to cry about that particular thing.

gonetoseeamanaboutadog

I think it is better to leave that kind of feedback until happier times.....

it is not the OP's responsibility to train the dr. His colleagues in the NHS should be help him reflect on his manner.

I ended up in a weird relationship suporting my GP this time last year until a medic friend told me to switch to a new one

It is hard to leave feedback when you are feeling wobbly ......

The sad thing is that the NHS is still very good at training people to offer help even though they must know that a lot of the time there is so little funding that the help isn't meaningful/ valuable/ there at all. I have had half a dozen experiences of this in the last year or so.

why

What a bizarre experience for you.

I think it's entirely up to the individual concerned - sometimes it helps to do something that concludes the episode.

The sad thing is that the NHS is still very good at training people to offer help even though they must know that a lot of the time there is so little funding that the help isn't meaningful/ valuable/ there at all

Too true