To think this is too much?

[MiserlyMisery]

I have just received a letter from the DS's class reps informing me that we want to thank DS's teachers Mrs F (4 days a week) and Mrs C (1 day a week) for their work that of Mrs F can only be described as mediocre at best and to give them a present. Each child will make a flower for each teacher. They will buy a plant and the flowers will be laid in the flower pot. I must bring the completed flowers, along with a tenner to their house by X date.

There are 21 children in the class, assuming the family with twins only pays once that is 200 with which to buy two plants. AIBU to think this is crazy?

I will state that I intensely dislike Mrs F who has done absolutely nothing for DS this past year and who quite honestly in my biased opinion should not be teaching. I resent being instructed that I am to hand this money over for her. Is this normal procedure and its just my dislike colouring my reaction or would you ask what they are planning to buy exactly?

As much as I'm all in favour of someone (else) organising a whip-round for the teacher at the end of term, it's not compulsory. I'm sure most teachers are happier to receive a gift voucher rather than 20+ so bunches of flowers/scented candles/boxes of chocs. At our school, someone usually volunteers to collect the cash & buy the voucher, but it is entirely up to you if/how much you give.

I have never contributed towards class collections. It's a bizarre "tradition" and seems a bit desperate to me :/ last year my dd decided to buy a small gift and a hand made card for her teacher. She was very fond of him and actually felt sad that he was leaving. Nobody asked her or suggested she did that. It came from her heart. And it takes a special kind of teacher to reach children's heart and earn their admiration

OP get your child out of that school and find another one for both of them. That kind of damage is not worth it, whatever the reasons behind it. Like BoatyMcBoat says, it can last a looong time.

And complain vigorously up through the chain - it takes forever but is important.

That's not right ...... it's up to an individual if they wish to buy/make anything for teachers and I wouldn't be pushed into it. My youngest DS had an awful teacher in primary school and I didn't even give a card - figured they get paid anyway and she didn't even deserve that!

Hold one pne tiny second...When did this whole teacher gift lark start? Im certainly not that old, but in my whole schooling life, nobody ever bought any teachers anything, and now it's gifts worth a couple of hundred pound?!

Some class reps do let their position go to their heads and arrange OTT things that many other parents don't agree with. You don't have to do anything more than you and DS want to.
It sounds as if he's had a terrible year with an incompetent and unkind teacher, poor boy. I hope you and the head can make sure things are better for him next year.
As a teacher I was touched by any end of year gifts or cards I was given. I gather you're not in the UK but here commercial 'Thank Teacher' cards arrived a few years ago from over the Atlantic, doubtless to the delight of card manufacturers.

Teacher sounds awful, you and Ds don't like her, why give her a gift? Say no to the collection, just no - don' t get involved in hedging it around with excuses that you have already planned something else. I am amazed by the existence of these sort of collections and the gifts that I've read about on MN and elsewhere. Last year was dD's first at school, at Christmas we baked biscuits for the staffroom and at the end of the year she made cards for her teacher, and several of the TAs. I also wrote a note to the teacher. On the last day of term she was the only child in her class not bearing a gift. I felt guilty and also annoyed for feeling guilty ( what is the thing with teachers and gifts, you don't give gifts to other people who you encounter in the course of their job). Anyway, I posted under a newspaper article and was comforted by a teacher who said that a note or card is far more welcome than piles of sweets and useless ornaments, mugs etc. So we will be sticking with the note / card approach this year as well.

I don't want a present, a card or anything....other than the simple understanding that being a teacher is not akin to cleaning a toilet.

If it weren't for people cleaning the toilets and feeding the children and keeping the school environment clean for the children in the first place, you wouldn't have children who are in the right frame of mind for learning.
So I would think they are fairly important as well.
It's all teamwork surely?
Hierarchy of Needs and all that?

It's similar to saying that the role of a stay at home mother isn't as important as the job of, lets say, her husband who's a Lawyer.
The reality is, that both are important. Sometimes the support network behind the 'main' person can be just as important, in it's own way.

So maybe the cleaners should get a present. and it's plain snobbery to suggest otherwise.

oh and I'm not a cleaner
Not that I wouldn't mind being one and big respect to those who do the job.
Respect to teachers too and all the other staff who work in schools.

Our y11s leave tomorrow. ( yes I know it's late) two 16 year old lads separately gave me a card and from one a mug and the other chops. Really nice gesture.

Similarly I gave my leavers a small present - Lego minifigure key fob ( I found some in our store room)

However I'd hate to think that things had been organised, money collected.

I'm more than happy with a thank you and a smile!

CP

I'd be mortified to get a big present at the end of the year. I've often received little tiny things - teddies, keyrings, mugs, chocs, wine etc. But the best presents are when a kid gives you some over-sellotaped 'creation' that they've spent time making to show you that they appriciate the care and effort you've put into them educationally and emotionally over the year. I've a massive box of 'precious-things' in the loft and I can tell you exactly who made them for me :-) I love all 'my' kids and saying goodbye with something to remember is nice. Which is why I always give each child in my class a small gift. I can't wait to hand over an old filthy Haynes manual to one of my class in a few weeks - it's of his fave car - he's gonna love it :-)

YANBU. That's a lot!

What WellErrr said is good.

It's a piece of p*ss. Teachers get a good salary - they don't rely on tips - they're often substandard - wtf would you give them a gift? Especially if you don't rate them? I would be quite upfront if it were me, and say I don't believe in the practice and I won't be peer pressured blackmailed into it.

I hated almost every teacher I ever had - with 4 exceptions in my whole school career: I'd as soon have given them a viper as a gift.

I don't enter into "collections" If I want to give then I do.

Nowt to do with what you think of teacher. No way would I do this. How dare they ask for a tenner and a flower. If parents want to buy a goodbye present they can do it on their own. If they asked me for a tenner near the end of the month I'd be unlikely to have it. Hate this teacher present thing anyway.

I would refuse.

The teacher sounds like she may be racist/prejudiced in some way! Don't let it slide. Stand up for your son and now your daughter too. Forget about what other people think and go straight to the headteacher and if that doesn't work then report it to offsted. That kind of behaviour from a teacher is unacceptable in this day and age, and teachers should have the skills to be able to support and help children grow no matter how 'difficult' they appear to be. I used to work as a TA before i had my baby and found that some teachers and schools can be driven more by making their statistics and paperwork look good rather than how individual children are faring. Luckily that was a isolated experience and most teachers and schools I worked at were fantastic and really cared about the children.
As for the collective give gift, just don't do it and give something yourself if you feel you want to. Gift giving should never be done begrudgingly.
I really hope the situation with this teacher gets resolved for you!

There's no may be about it she is.
But the op is not in UK

I was going to ask if you were in Belgium because I recognise the behaviour but I see you say homeschooling is illegal which isn't the case here as my dd is homeschooling. You shouldn't feel obliged to contribute but if your dd is going to have her then I wouldn't rock the boat.

Right. I have done it. I called the mother and said, " Thank you for the invitation regarding the present but we shall not be joining in." Silence, then she thanked me for letting her know and so I wished her a pleasant day before she could say any more and put the phone down.

Now, all that remains is how to be tactful in the meeting next week. I have to be diplomatic. Does this sound ok:
I would like an official acknowledgement that it is DD's third language and an assurance they will do all they can, including asking her if she understands/to repeat the explanation of the task and explaining to her again if necessary. I would ask that she ensures DD understands the class reward system.
I would like to explain how we celebrate Christmas in our household.
I would ask that she asks for an explanation if the answer to a question is not what she expects, rather than automatically assuming it is wrong.- not quite sure how to word this.
I would like them to re-think their policy of teaching the children to pull their eyes into slits and suggest that in this day and age of internationalism that it is no longer seen as acceptable.

Is that polite/toned down enough not to give offence, but to get my points across. My children will be at this school for the foreseeable future, I cannot afford to offend anyone or make things more difficult for them.

She sounds an utter bullying prejudiced bitch!

I also think it's possible this particular teacher WOULD EXPECT an expensive gift!

You've not said where you are but I'd suggest posting on ex pat board for advice. It may not be illegal to home school where you are. There may also be an authority you can can report this disgraceful behaviour to.

I've several friends who are teachers and I'm sure they're wonderful as of course I'm biased.

But...I agree putting ANYBODY on pedestals PURELY due to their profession is ridiculous.

My dd was bullied by a teacher, it took me basically threatening personal legal action against head and teacher for it to stop. She had no business teaching and was ultimately sacked for assaulting a child.

Hope you get this resolved ASAP

This sounds very unusual. I'm assuming the teacher told you that these things happened? If not, remember that some children do misunderstand situations. I'm a teacher and I once had a very angry parent tell me that she was going to get me sacked because her daughter had told her that I was 'going to get a scary clown to come to her house and kill her in her sleep if she didn't do her homework.' When I said that I didn't say this she asked me if I was accusing her daughter of lying. Her daughter was lovely but I wish her mum had taken me a bit more seriously and I'm actually quite nice- honest! My advice to you is to have an open mind

And if you're not happy then move school- is there another in the area? Schools are like supermarkets- you are the customer and you choose where you shop. Sounds like you'll be much happier with a new school. Surely a fresh start would be easier?they wont hold it against you going to a different school. Good luck with you're meeting and I hope that you get some answers.

I was present for some. I have photo evidence of others. The rest I can only go by what the teacher has told me, backed up by e.g. a distraught child who though he would get no presents/upset as he has been pushed over etc.

No other schools here. We would have to move or go private and we can afford neither at the moment.

Are you in France by any chance?
If you are, keep it as diplomatic as possible. She won't change her ways but your dd will be in the firing line if you keep insisting about X and y.