To think this is too much?

[MiserlyMisery]

I have just received a letter from the DS's class reps informing me that we want to thank DS's teachers Mrs F (4 days a week) and Mrs C (1 day a week) for their work that of Mrs F can only be described as mediocre at best and to give them a present. Each child will make a flower for each teacher. They will buy a plant and the flowers will be laid in the flower pot. I must bring the completed flowers, along with a tenner to their house by X date.

There are 21 children in the class, assuming the family with twins only pays once that is 200 with which to buy two plants. AIBU to think this is crazy?

I will state that I intensely dislike Mrs F who has done absolutely nothing for DS this past year and who quite honestly in my biased opinion should not be teaching. I resent being instructed that I am to hand this money over for her. Is this normal procedure and its just my dislike colouring my reaction or would you ask what they are planning to buy exactly?

The only time I ever chipped in for something was for out form tutor. I askee everyone for a quid or 2 and got him his favourite football teams shirt made with ethan class and what ever yr we left. He loved it. Dont pay a tenner!

My DD is a teacher, I have seen her reduced to tears by a beautiful letter from a pupil thanking her for what she has done. Presents have never had the same effect although she does eat the chocolates.

I have a love/hate relationship with this topic! My ds has Aspergers and I am so appreciative when teachers go that extra mile (or inch) for him. My DD has her own issues and also needs extra support in class at times.... So I tend to give a Xmas present (seasonal - maybe a nice bauble or a scented candle.... Last year we made sweets.) and a EoY present (a bottle of prosecco and a thank you card has become the norm). I do wonder (read: believe) that if I don't keep them sweet they won't be so accepting of / kind to my 'difficult' children (although no teacher would ever admit it!) But I am annoyed that I feel obliged to do this.... I'm my own worse enemy. I also feel that the teachers should perhaps acknowledge any gifts they receive with a little thank you note (cheap and cheerful and ever so easy) but sadly this rarely happens. But going back to the point in question - £10 is ridiculous. YANBU.

Ridiculous. Yanbu. Reply and say thanks but we've already done our own thank you. Get your child to do a home made card with glue and glitter and if youre feeling generous get them both a pretty mug for the stafffroom.

But you don't have to ......

If you don't like it don't pay, easy. Why would you care what other people think?

Jay you summed it up I do wonder (read: believe) that if I don't keep them sweet they won't be so accepting of / kind to my 'difficult' children (although no teacher would ever admit it!) But I am annoyed that I feel obliged to do this not that DD is anything like difficult when it is applied to DS. But this woman will be her teacher for two years. We went for the induction day and I could tell which child she doesn't like in the younger year. DH reckons she wouldn't be so stupid as to pick two children from the same family to dislike, and it is known in the town that she is kinder to the girls...but still, I worry for DD!

Teachers seem to be untouchable here so I am probably ostracising myself by complaining and asking other parents what they think of her anyway. But for the sake of my children, I'd rather not stand out too much. schmoo I don't believe they do get observed/inspected. She teaches 21 4-6 year olds 4 hours a day. They don't learn to read/write until next year so I simply don't believe she is up to the small hours worrying herself over her teaching. There's certainly no marking as they don't do written work yet.

Absolutely no contribution! Tell them no. She sounds a fucking horror. Maybe buy her a text book on child centred learning.

Are you in France? She sounds like a French teacher. DH is desperate to go home - back to France - but I am not putting my children through the French education system. No way; no how.

We are not going anywhere unless I can find a good nearby international school, which is unlikely as his family live in the middle of nowhere.

I hope you get to sort it out - it sounds dreadful

I had a teacher like this from Y2 up to and including Y6. She had an appalling effect on me, she said that I would be lucky to get a job as a lavatory cleaner when I grew up. She hit me and spat at me every day. I have no idea why my parents didn't remove me but there wasn't another school close enough. Believe me, I'd have boarded more happily as then I could have enjoyed my time away from school without the ever-present cloud of knowing I had to return the next day. I would have been happier stuck in school without the breaks at home which simply reminded me of how life could be if you're not being spat at, hurt, blamed for everything and unable to do anything right; taking my armour off on the bus home, but having to gird myself again the next morning along with my school uniform. I would have preferred to live without my family at all, than be constantly dipping in and out, I was simply unable to, I had not enough strength for it. I can't explain it, but yes, living at boarding school, no matter how awful it might be, would have been better than having to be with my family while trying not to let school taint my home.

Your son has endured a year. He can still recover his self-esteem, it's not too late. Please think very very seriously about what you're going to do with him next year, as it will be too late to 'save' him very soon.

It took me until my 30s to develop enough self-belief to go to Uni, where I got a First! If I had done that straight from school as I should have done my life would have been completely different.

As an adult, it is also quite hard for me to identify when I am being bullied so people do treat me badly, except most of my friends aren't bullies and do give me a warning when they see what I can't. It is very easy to make choices because they are familiar, and when that familiarity is bad - how I was treated at school - then you find yourself in bad situations, abusive boyfriends, bosses etc. This has happened to me many times, as it is not straight forward disentangling the bad bits of childhood from the normal bits.

At the same time, it can also harden you emotionally, such that you can be less empathetic to others' suffering and misery. I hope that I'm not too bad in that way, and most people seem to think that I'm actually quite kind.

I hope you can find a place for your son where he is encouraged and appreciated and he feels valued and important. He is young enough to be rescued. Home schooling is always an option.

And no, don't give the bitch a thing There are few teachers who are genuinely awful, but she's one.

I hate group collections like that. I work in a school and often get gifts at Christmas and end of summer term but they're lovely, small things that the children have made or bought with their own pocket money (got a packet of skittles one year that I shared with the lad after a few monster hints ).

YANBU that sounds unseasonable.

My son's teacher does an amazing job and I am delighted to buy her a gift but I really would not want to be part of a £200 plant pot thing!

I don't think the gift is the issue here. It looks like a huge rant about your childs teacher. Why don't you speak to her directly?

What an awful bully. Your poor DS. :( Where do you live?!

When I sorted the class present I told everyone that I had collected some donations already and that some people had contributed a dollar and some had done five or so, even when I hadn't because I didn't want anyone to feel bad if their contribution WAS a dollar. And it was fine. We had lots of $5, some $10 and a few $20. And yeah, quite a few $1 from people who didn't have any more in the budget. And that's just fine. It didn't mean they appreciated the teacher any less. It all went for gift cards to restaurants and everyone (including the one whose mother wasn't interested) signed the card because why not?

Boaty unfortunately home schooling is illegal where I live. I think, after the meeting with Mrs F and headmaster I'm going to request a meeting with the teacher he will have next year. I'm also worried that he has lost all confidence and unless he has a good start to the next school year we will have a serious, irreversible problem on our hands. Sorry to hear what happened to you. I can tell you though that boarding school is not all its made out to be!

Kate the class reps were voted in at the parents information evening in the first year. I was not there, had no idea there was such a thing and heard nothing about them until the letter requesting money last year.

Yes, it is a rant Drama. But its linked. Because of the causes for the rant I don't see why she should get a sycophantical "Oh you're so wonderful, thank you for your great work with our children" gift. It's not like she works for free. I have spoken to her after I found out about each and every incident, I thought I'd made my peace with it. DH and I agreed our plan would be just to help DS get through to the end of the year. Until I was told DD is in her class and am now facing the whole thing over again.

Oh banana, I am so tempted!

I'm a teacher. If take a box of Maltesers over paper flowers and a hundred quid flower pot any day.
A card with a thoughtful note is my favourite though.

Just respond and say it's very kind of them to organise but you've done something on your child's behalf that reflects your gratitude.

Our school (private school, 15-16 per class) the class reps do sort it out....xmas we did a collection of suggested £10 per child to split equally between teacher and ( completely amazing TA who has a pgce...) this term doing the same. They got john lewis vouchers and a card signed by all the boys. Some people clearly gave more as the total was greater than 75 each! Easter term each family had free reign - we made a card for each.
I was fine with this, we put the money in a pot in the school office so no one actually knows who is giving what.

oops, forgot to add comment on your situation op - sounds bit OTT. I would think flower thing plus £2 each would be absolutely fine! £10 in that context is way too much to expect everyone to pay. what sort of gold plated plants are they getting?!

I haven't read all of this but having been a teacher for 30 years I would be horrified at this idea. If I received a present at all (and I never expected them) it would be flowers, a mug or a fridge magnet or something like that. A card with a heartfelt message was always the most touching gift. I hate the idea of people being compelled to give more than they can afford or want to give.

£10? That's a cheek. There are no rules for class/teachers gifts.

Handmade flowers for the pot is a lovely idea. But £10 from each child/parent. Pfft!

I'm a teacher and I much prefer to get a nice personal card than any present. This sounds awful.

Our school has a 'no collections' policy and encourages a token at most, which I think is great. What teacher doesn't want 30 'Best Teacher' keyrings?! I used to teach 16-18s and my best ever present was a bottle of Cinzano (really, I'd told them I liked it when it was involved in the facts of a case we were studying, and they, babies, had nevere heard of it!) and lovely flowers after I'd organised an end of year event. But really, the best present a teacher can have is a child making an effort, parents supporting where they can and perhaps a genuine 'thank you'. Say no to the one upmanship cliques. And of course save the teachers the work of having to declare the gifts on the 'not taking any bribes' register (clearly the official name...)