To think this is too much?

[MiserlyMisery]

I have just received a letter from the DS's class reps informing me that we want to thank DS's teachers Mrs F (4 days a week) and Mrs C (1 day a week) for their work that of Mrs F can only be described as mediocre at best and to give them a present. Each child will make a flower for each teacher. They will buy a plant and the flowers will be laid in the flower pot. I must bring the completed flowers, along with a tenner to their house by X date.

There are 21 children in the class, assuming the family with twins only pays once that is 200 with which to buy two plants. AIBU to think this is crazy?

I will state that I intensely dislike Mrs F who has done absolutely nothing for DS this past year and who quite honestly in my biased opinion should not be teaching. I resent being instructed that I am to hand this money over for her. Is this normal procedure and its just my dislike colouring my reaction or would you ask what they are planning to buy exactly?

I've had a very similar experience with dc2. Bilingual child, and an absolutely atrocious teacher who made similar comments to me than that teacher said to you.
Oh she also lied to me about dc2 levels in reading etc to cover herself up.

I saw the HT, nothing changed (apart from the fact she never dare talking to me again).
The only thing that improved things was to change school.

We also had a parent trying to do a collection at the end of the year for that teacher. The difference is that everyone REFUSED to put any money in as all parents were in a greenest she was crap!

If I was you, I would really consider a new school for next year. For the sake of your ds and your dd. And , yes, no collection either.

I have decided to ask DS if he wants to make something for Mrs F, C, his TA and go from there. The TA is non-negotiable, she is an angel, we will bake something for her. But if he doesn't want to for the others then I won't make him. He will have Mrs C for extra language lessons next year anyway. He hates craft/drawing etc so I think his answer will be no.

Meeting with the head and Mrs F on Monday to discuss DD's entry to the school. I shall be asking for assurances that there won't be a repeat and desperately trying to keep civil. There is only one school in our town, if you live here, you go to school here. We can't afford private (or to move again).

As someone who works in a school, that is a lot of money. Home made cards and gifts are appreciated. But with the homemade things maybe edible as there was one year a student made enormous clay models for her teacher and TA. Also, cringey mugs with the child's name or photo on them are generally a bit odd. There were a couple of families who started a trend and the cupboard in the staff room was packed with them but never used.

I can't stand this attitude that some people have whereby teachers should be on such a huge pedestal that they are always amazing and doing the very hardest job in the world and should never be questioned. It's bollocks. Of course some teachers are absolutely shit. Just like some people in all kinds of professions can be shit at their jobs. Yes, teaching is an important job but let's please keep it in perspective. There are people who have to deal with some absolutely harrowing things on a daily basis as part of their work. As for this supposed 'anti teacher' attitude that is so prevalent on MN, I haven't seen it anywhere near as often as I've seen people (often other teachers) put teachers on this lofty pedestal where they can do no wrong.

It sounds like your son's teacher is destroying his confidence OP. If she were a decent teacher (or indeed a decent person), she would be rising to the challenge of helping your DS integrate into a new social circle, new language, new culture etc. As it is, she's is seriously damaging his development. That is completely unacceptable. Don't worry about the school culture or the 'done thing'. Show your teeth. Be very firm when you meet with the headteacher and do not allow Mrs F to interrupt you. Demand answers from her and do not allow them to brush you aside. I'd also seriously explore the possibility of someone else teaching your DD next year. Mrs F should be teaching her only as a very last resort (e.g. if it's a small school and she's the only teacher for that year group). I'd also be demanding very regular meetings to discuss progress so that she can't stand idly by whilst your daughter struggles, at the same time leading you to believe that everything is fine (as she did with your DS).

Good luck. I hope it all works out for you!

are you in the UK, OP?
If you were in France I wouldn't be surprised at the teacher's attitude... but that's another story

I'm that Mum... in combined 11 school years the only gift ever was a hand made frame for the whole school when we moved home, I don't tip anyone except waitresses and wouldn't expect gifts or tips in any profession. I'd just say no... but I'm not well liked! 😂

Your poor DS, OP. I hope his angelic TA is going with him into the next class? Good luck with your meeting with the head.

That aside, I think someone nailed the response to this nonsense early on: "Thank you, but we are doing our own thing this year" is a complete answer. Plus, £10 is ridiculous. I have been asked for that, but in a very non-pushy, completely optional way, and it's an independent school. I am aware that plenty of parents at DC's school spend (and can easily afford) a lot more than that, but I decline to compete - our teacher presents are homemade and accompanied by a card from the DC over which I exercise no editorial control (with varying outcomes, but at least they are heartfelt).

Sorry, Mis I didn't read it properly!

I hate this.

At my kids' school the PTA always organises a teacher gift for Christmas and end of year. They typically give vouchers.

I'm naturally a teacher-appreciator and I'd be very pleased to pay more money to boost their salary, but gifts feel weird.

I thought it was great when my kids were in the very early years and the teachers were always much, much younger than me - but now they're often times older than me and have had distinguished careers.

Do I really need to hand John Lewis vouchers over to a 55 year old Oxbridge graduate PhD in History who is by far my intellectual superior? Eek.

Ours range between £20 -£50 per term per child. It always hacks me off

I'm a teacher (boooooo) and I think that is a way too much to spend! The best present, in my opinion, is a handmade card with maybe a few handpicked flowers. Thoughtful and personal. xx

I absolutely would not be contributing, that teacher sounds terrible. Please let us know how your meeting goes, I hope your sons experience of school improves with his next teacher xx

She's a bully! Do you have the equivalent of ofstead?
Tbh in the UK I'd be reporting her to the police for a hate crime

I hate all this "present for the teacher" bollocks. Nobody gives me presents just for doing my job. I might get some stuff at Christmas, but that's just contractor's sucking up and hoping I'll think they are nice😂

Sure, teaching is an important job, but so is cleaning public toilets. When was the last time you gave a gift to the person who does that?

If our girl wants to make a card, that's up to her. I like her teacher, she's very good, but she simply does her job. Last year we had an exceptional support assistant who went above and beyond what was expected and made a huge effort to help our girl experience school just like her friends do. She would be early so she could meet her before the bell went, she would look out information for us about things that would help, she even researched and devised an exercise and movement programme which she would do with our girl during playtimes. This was not her job, she got a massive thank you with a gift. Her TA this year does exactly as she is asked to. There won't be the same gift for her.

When I did collections....always said up to £5.00... Nothing was compulsory. Different families have different budgets.

Ofsted stupid autocorrect

Late to this but ridiculous. OP she sounds a dreadful woman , your poor DS. I'd get her a card and write in it exactly what I thought of her . Evil bitch. My now grown up DS had only one teacher pick on him. All his teachers thoughout all schools loved except this woman ,who it turns out had a bloody drug problem!

She spoke to him so appallingly once in front of me, I said if that is how you speak to him in front of me god only knows what goes on when in class. I had a few very unpleasant words with her , told her what a bitch she was and she was balling like a baby. She was not fit to teach children and left shortly after. Turns out she had numerous complaints against her but the head never acted on them as she was useless.

Hope your DS is ok after all that.

tell them no, teachers don't need tips, give a cake for them both to share.

I though teachers couldn't accept gifts over a certain amount? My kids have gone to different schools, so maybe I'm confused though...

It's standard in my DS school to give the teacher a gift at the end of the school year but I'm normally prepared and get a small gift when Boots reduce all their gifts after Christmas, not spent more than £2 yet

Oh god awkward

We had aimiliar voluntary type thing from class rep - each give £5 and she would also compile a list of emails for getting in touch - this was at xmas time - gave my £5 and my email address - heard no more God knows what happened to the money or what the present was. I don't think she stole it just that it would have been appropriate for her to send a quick email to everyone saying - thanks for contributing we got X or Y with the money.

I think in the right hands this type of thing can be a benefit - in the wrong hands like in my case it's useless and in your case seems a bit on demanding side.

I think just say oh we have planned our own thing - thanks for asking though - which will be my own response the next time I am asked

In all my years of nannying I've only heard of the whole class 'end of year' parting gift for teachers at private schools were the parent rep seems to think everyone can afford £10-20 per child as they're at private school so must have money! In state schools it tends to be an individual gift of chocs/flowers or wine. One family had chickens so they bought a pair of nice egg cups and put a fresh egg in wrapped it in cellophane with a pretty bow, which was lovely and different and appreciated.
If I was you I'd politely decline saying that your child wants to pick their own gift not be made to join in with everyone else

My DCs take in small chocolate gifts and make thanks cards at Christmas and end of year, but only chocolate oranges or something around £1-2.

We missed a year when my DD had a very unsupportive teacher (DS wasn't at school then).

£10 is really OTT!

Yanbu Ive bought dd a personalised keyring to give to her teacher. Cost less than a fiver.

I'm a secondary school teacher, although I have done numerous jobs in the past, including retail, factory work, office work and in my youth...cleaning toilets! I have yet to meet a fellow teacher who wants or expects to be given a present, you'll tend to find we don't. A polite thank you is lovely, be it from a pupil or parent .
Now, to say the job of cleaning a toilet ( and I speak as one who has done so) is as important as teaching is ludicrous and speaks volumes about your attitude towards the teaching profession. No teacher I know thinks that they are "on a pedestal" or indeed better than anybody else doing their job. However, toilet cleaners do not go home and work into the wee hours marking books in excruciating detail ( rightly so, they're paid a pittance!), they don't work closely with young people, some of whom are suicidal/ experience awful home lives, giving them much needed support and a shoulder to cry on. They don't get inspected and observed on a regular basis and they don't plan and create entire schemes of work on top of the daily job of teaching on average 12 different classes of 30 pupils. That is just a fraction of what we do, AND I love my job. I don't want a present, a card or anything....other than the simple understanding that being a teacher is not akin to cleaning a toilet.
As for the OP, don't contribute. I note the teacher in question has not asked for anything, so not quite so much venom needed methinks, you need to direct your anger at the head teacher of the school in question.