with DD's clothes

[Pritti7]

DH and I have very big families, we were showered with loads of clothes when DD was born and whenever relatives come to visit they bring new outfits for DD. Those who can't visit, send parcels :) bless em'. I feel horrible saying this but I didn't like most of the stuff gifted but i didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings (most of these relatives have been nice to me and they love and pamper DD a lot as there are very few girls in both our families. They feel really delighted to see DD's pics on fb in one of the outfits they gifted) so I use the clothes anyway, unless of course it is absolutely appalling. I always thought that when I start dressing DD she will look like my little princess :)

Since past few months I have started looking for dresses for DD and feel really disappointed with most of the stuff available. Either the print/colour is not pretty or the fabric is too stiff or its polyester or just bad quality. And what I do like is upward of £75. I have bought stuff from tk maxx, next, monsoon, m&s and mothercare but, with the exception of a couple, after putting them on DD didn't quite like them and returned them.

DH says I am being a perfectionist, bordering unreasonable and stressing myself unnecessarily.

Am I being unreasonable?
or
am I not looking in the right places?
and
Do you feel the same as me or am I the only one?

My daughters can play in the mud, can run around and if you read my post they do have leggings and t shirts for playing or as playwear as well. if i can afford it then theres nothing wrong with dressing them in expensive clothes as long as they have everything they need. And when i say a reflection of myself i don't mean i want them to be like me, more like a reflection of that i want the best for them!

No i don't, as long as they are dressed nicely when i leave the house they can do what they want. I would never tell them they can't do something because of what they are wearing or shout at them for spilling something, that wouldn't be whats best for them.

What a lot of rubbish

It's isn't so much the crazy expense on their clothes (because it is kind of crazy, buying expensive stuff that will get wrecked or grown out of by DC's who can't tell the difference or care, rather than having something nice for yourself that you will enjoy and wear for a long time...and there's a big choice in between between dressing them in 'whatever and spending £££) that I think should be a cause for concern as much as the imbalance between how you view them vs yourself - using terms such as 'wasting money on myself' when spending excessively/unecessarily on them. In time this will teach them either that they are infinitely more valuable/ important than you (potentially making them spoilt and entitled and with as low an opinion of you as you seem to have yourself) or that this is what a parent does, becomes a martyr to their kids. Its the equivalent of buying them fillet steak for dinner and eating a tin of corned beef yourself?

i like the spanish style or the old fashioned smock type dresses

Bet they stand out like sore thumbs at school. Do you want them to be ridiculed?

And, amateur psychology here, you sound like you are obsessing over DD's appearance as an excuse to downplay your own . I suspect what would really be healthier for you (and DD in long run) would be treating yourself to some clothes that you feel good in, maybe getting hair done/something for you. Just because you are now a parent doesn't mean you are invisible or cease to be important

I'm sure everyone wants the best for the children. I don't have to spend £150 on an outfit to do that. Especially when in three months they'll grow out of it.

We got loads of presents too and I felt so guilty that she literally didn't have enough outfit changes to wear them all. Most places give exchange without receipt on baby clothes.

However you are overthinking this. The only outfit my dh has ever noticed( and loved) on dd is her primark boys dungarees. no need to pay big money on clothes if you don't like traditional shops I find zara very cool.

I am sort of going to agree with you. you DD is 9 and I struggle to find anything I like these days. Fashion is atrocious and I refuse to go down the River Island route with her looking a mini adult. I went into next last week and I didn't like a single thing for her. Altho Summer is usually better than winter months, prints are vile. I think she's your little princess and if you want to spend extra it's your choice. I have a friend who buys a lot of pretty dresses from Spanish boutiques for her daughter and then makes the hair bands to match with the old fashioned socks and shoes. She always looks beautiful. I have never seen her in a Peppa pig outfit from George. Mayve say you've seen these outfits you like would they like to contribute instead to the cost of them instead of clothes you don't like .

I wasn't suggesting you shout at them.

Personally, I'm of the belief that very expensive clothes are utterly pointless before a certain age. They grow so quickly.

Besides which, after a certain price, the quality really can't differ that widely between brands, can it?

Different strokes and all that

I definitely spent a lot of time scouring the Internet for outfits when I was on maternity leave ( favouring Scandinavian brands) but now I'm back at work I just don't have the time. I still like her to look nice but enjoy the challenge of putting together fun looks off the high street. ( which are generally inexpensive). I don't generally spend huge amounts of money on any one item and I wouldn't buy designer for her unless its second hand and a good price. Ultimately it's important that your child is comfortable and the clothes are appropriate for the activity - I'm continually mystified by girls in frilly dresses, fur coats and party shoes in play barns or down on the farm when leggings etc would would be so much more practical. ( although I love a good party dress for a party). On the occasion I was given something I didn't really like I would send her to o the childminders in it so it still got worn but I didn't have to look at it! 😉

I sympathise OP - my problem (as first world as it comes) was that my nanny was forever going out and buying clothes for my daughters (which I was then expected to pay for) and the lovely dresses etc I bought in the Young England warehouse sale were never worn as she put her in garish stuff from mothercare and H&M. I felt that she had all the fun of the clothes shopping not me.

The White Company John Lewis, Cath Kidston and Zara usually have nice stuff and the baby clothes in Primark can be quite pretty. You might also keep an eye out for secondhand Rachel Riley stuff on ebay (The wardrobe go to for the Duchess of Camridge apparently.) If you are feeling a bit PND I found making baby dresses very therapeutic and not that difficult.

I never understand people spending huge amounts on baby/children's clothes even if they are mega-wealthy.

Far better to put that money in a savings account for them when they are older so they can actually benefit from it (Uni, first house, travelling etc.).

Nobody knows what's around the corner financially, you could be living hand to mouth this time next year and struggle to buy the necessities for your child.

But it's not my money, so go ahead and waste spend spend spend it all!

I buy my daughter nice stuff. It comes from Zara, John Lewis, Monsoon etc. Every day stuff from Next and some bits from M&S.

Cheap stuff is Asda or Sainsburys.

Where are you all buying these £150 outfits? Not even The White Company etc costs that. Unless you're buying designer brands?

In the nicest possible way, I think you're crackers to care so much and waste time and headspace on this stuff.

However, if that's your thing then try Facebook for crafty types who make bespoke stuff. There's a whole world out there of very cute / quaint dresses, tops, skirts etc.

EBay is your friend here. Sell the ugly presents and buy some 'labels' cheaply.

Hi OP, you're not vacuous, inane or stupid for wanting your daughter to have nice clothes that you and she like.

That said, you didn't say how old she is. If, as I suspect, she's still very small, I'd focus on fit. Don't worry about quality because you have lots and can afford to wear them out. Pick a couple of nice outfits you like and then use the gifted items.

When she gets old her opinions will develop and (much later) her taste (okay maybe much much later!) and individual style (probably sooner than you expect). Try to encourage those helpful rellies to get things she needs though and admire the clothes their kids have that you actually like. - not in a grabby way which of course you wouldn't do, but with people you're close to like your mum you can probably say "if you were thinking of getting something for DD, she really needs a jumper (or whatever)".

*When she gets older! not when she gets old, although that's true too. :)

What the hell could you want to dress a baby in that costs £75?!

Thank you for your comments. DD is 3. DH would be thrilled to hear most Mumsnetters agreed with him. I see your point and sadly I agree. Since I am not working at the moment, I have more time to worry about little things. All these years I wanted a daughter so I couldn't be more thrilled when DD was born and dressing her is just a part of the joy.

Gardencentregroupie I agree I am in for a lot more stressful times when DD grows up and wants to pick her own clothes. sigh.

GreaseIsNotTheWord Its not PND so much, I am super particular about a lot of things. hopefully, this will change with time. thankfully DH is the best counselor I could have.

Chinks123 Thank you for that, will surly check instagram

OohMavis I agree, I guess I am falling into the trap of wanting to control everything that DD wears and eats and does!

thebigmummabear couldn't agree with you more. growing up my dad spent a lot of money on my brother and me. none of the other cousins wore the kind of clothes we did or toys we had, not that we had more money, but he just spent more on us. I do that now, I save pennies wherever I can to make sure I can spend on things that I feel are important for my family. and I appreciate that till today.

sleepwhenidie I find even £75 extortionate. In my opinion kids clothes should not cost so much. but I do wish that better clothes were available in the range most mums are happy to spend. DH has a daughter and I remember a couple of years ago when we were looking for a dress for her and found one we liked at Monsoon for £65 I still found that very expensive.

And I also agree with sleepwhenidie, thebigmummabear and GreaseIsNotTheWord about it being more than clothes and values are more important. But these days will never come back! Its not about what others think or see, its just a nice feeling to buy pretty things for DD, it makes me happy.

I understand where thebigmummabear is coming from. In my culture also it is very normal for parents to live through and for kids, where they might not buy much for themselves but a lot for their kids.

But I still need advice on where I should shop.....

I like them dressed in traditional clothes. I buy most of their clothes from spanish boutiques, independent shops and designer clothes online. They do also have leggings and t shirts from places such as monsoon for playwear. If we were going to a farm, they would be dressed in leggings, waterproof coat and wellies, I certainly wouldn't put them in party shoes?! However, generally day to day they wear pretty dresses, knee high socks, matching bows to outfits etc. I don't ask anyone to contribute to my or their lifestyle. They have plenty of toys, holidays a trust fund etc so i don't see the problem. If i was depriving them of necessities in order to put them in expensive clothes then that would be completely wrong! But i don't! Cody they don't wear their own clothes to school, they were uniform, but why should I put them in stuff from george so they "don't stick out like a sore thumb" what does that teach them? Many things in life are pointless but we do it because we want to, I never thought it was a big deal to be honest?

Maui?

Im not trying to say at all I'm a better parent or anything like that by buying my children expensive clothes! If my husband lost his job they would still have they best we could afford, even if it was primark! I wouldn't dare say to anyone how much their clothes cost as its nobody elses business. I wouldn't buy something just because its designer, I will buy it because its pretty or I like it, the label isn't often noticeable. Its just something I like to do thats all

I'll explain - dress down days DD has a class mate who wears this stuff - she is considered odd, old fashioned clothes old fashioned hair cut - she won't "get dirty" won't join in games - incase clothes are ruined - can't climb trees and gets trapped by the skirt '

Girls need to run and climb and be upside down do cartwheels and handstands kick a football and enjoy the freedom of being young

You can't do that in an expensive dress mom would be cross about your ruining-

pritti its nice to hear how u appreciate everything your father did for you, thats all I would like from my children. To know how lucky they are that we have always put them first and that we didn't have more money that most people, just we chose to go without so they could have more than what we had. Me and dh never had nice clothes or holidays or school trips and maybe thats why we go overboard, but one thing I will say, it beats having nothing!