with DD's clothes

[Pritti7]

DH and I have very big families, we were showered with loads of clothes when DD was born and whenever relatives come to visit they bring new outfits for DD. Those who can't visit, send parcels :) bless em'. I feel horrible saying this but I didn't like most of the stuff gifted but i didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings (most of these relatives have been nice to me and they love and pamper DD a lot as there are very few girls in both our families. They feel really delighted to see DD's pics on fb in one of the outfits they gifted) so I use the clothes anyway, unless of course it is absolutely appalling. I always thought that when I start dressing DD she will look like my little princess :)

Since past few months I have started looking for dresses for DD and feel really disappointed with most of the stuff available. Either the print/colour is not pretty or the fabric is too stiff or its polyester or just bad quality. And what I do like is upward of £75. I have bought stuff from tk maxx, next, monsoon, m&s and mothercare but, with the exception of a couple, after putting them on DD didn't quite like them and returned them.

DH says I am being a perfectionist, bordering unreasonable and stressing myself unnecessarily.

Am I being unreasonable?
or
am I not looking in the right places?
and
Do you feel the same as me or am I the only one?

[CodyKing]

You are the ones that seem more hung up on what clothes kids wear then I do

Actually as a right of passage teens are more concerned with what their friends wear than adults - I have many friends who wear different clothes designe/hippy/jeans/sports wear - I'm old enough to know that clothes don't make the person - but they still denote their out look or life choices

Teens on the other hand decide - usually based on music - who they are mostly likely to fit in with - As an adult I have no desire to fit a criteria but have a genuine interest in the person - young or old -

If Mom dresses the teen they will be hard pressed to find another mom dressed teen in the same smocked dress and Sarah Janes.

[AmberNectarine]

Personally I hate the notion of a little girl being a 'princess'. Why can't she just be a child?

My DD is almost 5. She wears mainly John Lewis, white company and Boden because the clothes are good quality, not all lurid pink/glittery and don't have naff, sexist slogans scrawled across them. I don't care about the cost, I just want them to be fit for purpose. She has the odd item from Stella McCartney for parties etc, but that's as profligate as I'll be. I want her to be able to ride her bike/play football with her brother/climb a tree in her clothes. Oh, and she has final say on everything she wears - she's an individual.

[houseeveryweekend]

Well its up to you how much effort you want to put in to dressing her until she can dress herself. But if it is actually causing you real stress i would maybe just take a break from it because thats not really normal! Its not that important what a baby wears as long as they are comfortable! I dont know if this is the case with you but i remember getting quite obsessed wih what my LO wore for a few months when he was first born and it was mostly because i was so anxious about being a mum and not really knowing what i was doing and thought if he were always dressed immaculately then that would mean i was a good mum! Now days he wears all sorts lol whatever hes comfortable in. Ive just relaxed a bit as ive felt more secure. x

[Alisvolatpropiis]

I just buy clothes for my daughter which I think look nice and are soft to the touch. She's as likely to be wearing Nutmeg as she is Gap as she is designer.

On bad poo days she might go through the entire range!

[Egosumgism]

thebigmummabear

"perfectionist" or idiot?


thebigmummabear

Yours was one of the saddest posts I've read for a while.

[Egosumgism]

The first part of my post was at the OP, not thebigmummabear twice!

[PerspicaciaTick]

Maybe post some links to clothes you do like and we might be able to find similar styles without the cost?

At the moment I'm struggling to imagine what a £75 baby dress looks like.

[Baconyum]

Op if it's causing stress you need to step back. She's 3? If not already she'll soon be asserting her opinion on what SHE wants to wear. (That's when you start ending up giving in on 'peppa pig' type crap as it's preferable to them wanting to go to nursery in a swimsuit and Wellies! )

As for mummabear and similar posters

They know 'we chose to go without so they could have more than what we had.' Ouch that's uncomfortably close to martyrly narcissism for me.

'I have always taught my children no matter what anyone wears or does we are all equal!' Er... If that were true you WOULDN'T spend so much on their clothes - you're contradicting yourself mumma

'As I have always said, a rich heart can and often does live under a poor coat!' don't practice what you preach though eh!

'I spend money on two things only: shoes and coats. Properly fitted shoes from an independent children's shoe shop and properly waterproof and warm coats for the winter.' That makes sense, shoes - their feet are still developing, my dd has hms and pronates costs me a fortune! Coats - cos nobody needs kids off school loads with cougs n colds! That said I've always bought dds coats in spring fashions don't change that much I just need to allow for size changes.

'At that age they much prefer to conform. What they wear denotes their 'belonging' - that's part of normal child development - moving away from parental influence and finding their place among their peers. They do this at certain stages not just teen.

[Janecc]

When DD was really little, I bought her all matching outfits. Before she got to 18 months, she wanted to wear pink and only pink so some days she went out in all unmatching pinks. Well before she reached the age of 3 if she didn't like it, she didn't wear it. Then when she was almost 6 she had a favourite dress she wore for 3 months solid and I had to wash and dry it constantly. I hated that dress. I loved dressing DD in John Lewis, Petit Bateau, Mamas and Papas, Vertbaudet when she was a baby.

I bought DD the clothes she wanted at 3 so by then it was a lot of supermarket stuff (Ben and Holly, Peppa etc) mixed in with the clothes I liked from Mamas and Papas, Monsoon, M&S, John Lewis, Next. Anything she'd wear really and by then I stopped buying mail order or spending too much because half of it was never worn.

In a couple of years time, what to dress your DD in really won't be worth stressing about as she will decide for you.

[BoboBunnyH0p]

If your looking for pretty good quality dresses then I recommend Boden, they wash and wash. I used to get them from eBay for my DD or in the sale, I often resold them again on eBay for similar to what I paid.
Joules is another I liked for good quality practical play wear.
I morned when my DD got too big for the £2.99 H&M summer dresses, which were also perfect with a long sleeved top and leggings during the colder months. In fact I remember reselling one of these on eBay and it went for £6!

[Momtothree]

Oh I remember my dress yourself 3 year old - all strange outfits - long stripy skirt - yellow top and pink tights - a sight for sore eye! (Think those things just felt nice to wear) She made me smile with her choice!ets not forget DS who'd happy trotting down to the nursery in a tutu and wellies to fetch his sister! That's if the blue dress was dirty -
3 years do enjoy a dress up!

[thebigmummabear]

I think its to be agreed that all we want as parents is the best for our children and for them to be happy. Whether they are in an £80 dress or a £3 dress. I am far from a narcissist of any sort. When I say I want my children to have better than what I had I meant then what I had as a child and my husband had as a child. Maybe you have no idea what it was like not having any nice things, being forced to steal things by your parents at the age of maybe 5/6, not having enough food to eat, not ever going on a school trip, never having a day out, constantly being dirty? Maybe this is how its affected me but at least I have a job and so does my dh and we have both worked extremely hard so our children can not only have nice clothes, but a nice home, days out, holidays and time together as a family too. I know a good heart can be under a poor coat because that was me. My children are aware of my and dh upbringing and I tell them they must appreciate things and how lucky they are, not how much it cost, just they are lucky to have things that many other children don't. My oldest dd does have leggings and ugg boots too and if she didn't want to wear something I certainly wouldn't be forcing her into it and I can't wait for the day that she wants to go shopping and can choose things she likes for herself. We are all parents just trying to do our best. I don't obsess over her clothes i haven't got time for that. Me and dh are far to busy out working to pay for them

[thebigmummabear]

bacon I done feel like iv contradicted myself at all. We are all equal! Im quite sure of myself and in my line of work I very often come into contact with people who have a lot more money then me, and have better things then me, I don't feel they are worth more than me! Just because I want my children to have nice things doesn't mean I think they are better than anyone else for having it. I would never look down my nose at someone who doesn't have designer stuff or cheaper stuff and if my children ever did I would explain to them, how that was mummy once and how it would and did make me feel and how I'm the same person then that i am now even if we have better things.

[MaQueen]

I think if you get overly invested in what your child wears, to the point where it is causing friction in the family, then it's actually stops being about the child and it becomes more about you.

I think women who obsess about how their child dresses/looks is, subconsciously, actually obsessed about how they appear to the world. I think overly stressing that your child must look a certain way is indicative of some pretty deep rooted insecurities, on your part.

[Floggingmolly]

Agree with Greasels, sorry.

[MaQueen]

Do you think bigmummabear that you are perhaps trying to assuage the insecurity/unhappiness of your own childhood, caused by not having the 'right' clothes, by over compensating in buying needlessly expensive clothes for your own children?

[RiverTam]

But ... But don't you want her running around and making mud pies and climbing trees and scootering, riding her bike, all that kind of thing? She can't do that if she's trussed up like a doll.

I go for cheerful, colourful and practical. Very little where it matters if it gets dirty, where there's restricted freedom of movement.

[Baconyum]

' Maybe you have no idea what it was like not having any nice things, being forced to steal things by your parents at the age of maybe 5/6, not having enough food to eat, not ever going on a school trip, never having a day out, constantly being dirty' actually I do know. Add to that being scared to go home if I got 'new' stuff dirty or tore clothes.

Contradiction
Want them to have 'nice' (expensive) clothes

But

What people wear is irrelevant

Is that clearer?

Generally raising your dc to know they're lucky to have a clean warm safe home etc is fine, but if a parent were to constantly harp on 'you don't know you're born I didn't have half of what you do' would not be healthy. It's a fine line. I didn't say you were narcissistic I said that type of discussion can get uncomfortably close to it (if we as parents aren't careful).

[Baconyum]

Sorry with the exception of being forced to steal.

[thebigmummabear]

I would never have the sort of attitude of "you don't know your born" I don't think I'm particularly precious about what they wear and to be honest iv never seen it as such a big issue. In the morning they get up and get dressed and if they spill something, rip something then thats my fault for putting expensive clothes on and I suck it up, theres no consequences for them. If you read my earlier posts my children do make mud pies in the garden, they go to the farm etc and when they do they wear leggings and wellies, maqueen I don't give overly invested what they wear, I probably do the same as all of you, except I maybe like a different style of clothes? Thats all nothing wrong with me, or any of you! And I think you are right, I do think its a hang up from my own childhood and maybe thats how its manifested itself, but as I said, its better than not having anything. Its so hard being a parent and getting the balance right

[MaQueen]

I think it perfectly natural to want to lavish your DCs a bit, if your own childhood was a bit Spartan.

My Dad grew up in a council house, and it was a huge source of pride to him that 30 years later he could afford a smart, executive style house for his family and send me to private school.

[Chinks123]

I have never seen her in a peppa pig outfit from George

What's wrong with a peppa pig outfit from George?

[Pritti7]

Thank you everyone, DD was poorly so didn't get a chance to log in past few days.

[Claraoswald36]

Have a look at joules/boden/frugi you might like their stuff :-)

[SquinkiesRule]

My Dd lived in dresses when she was a baby, they didn't interfere with her crawling. I had loads for her with matching nappy covers or ones that looked like a dress from the front but had snaps between the legs. All from here