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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to wait for her to come to me?

14 replies

Joolsy · 13/06/2016 16:16

DD2 (7) is in a real strop with me. I said no to her friend coming round after school as it wasn't convenient. She usually comes round on a Tues, so she'll be coming tomorrow anyway. Now she won't speak to me. She's watching TV at the moment and any attempts by me to explain why her friend couldn't come, or to give her a hug, or ask if she wants to play with me have fallen on deaf ears or result in her shouting at me. I feel I should leave her to it but I do like to spend quality time with her after school and feel it's a wasted evening if we don't do something together

OP posts:

humblesims · 13/06/2016 16:20

Leave her to it. She needs time to 'deal with it'. She'll have forgotten about it by tea time.

MrsRonBurgundy · 13/06/2016 16:20

She'd no longer be watching tv if she'd shouted at me I'm afraid.

I'd speak to her and explain that her behaviour is unacceptable and then give her the options to either be pleasant and enjoy an evening with you or if not, to cool off in her room (without tv) for a while.

ElleBellyBeeblebrox · 13/06/2016 16:21

I have a highly strung 6 year old and when she's like that I give her space to calm down and then try again to give her a cuddle and we say sorry. Leave her to it, I find when I try to push it we get stroppy with each other and makes it worse!

Sassypants82 · 13/06/2016 16:24

I would give her the time she needs but reassurance that you're ready to talk, play etc when she is. Also I'd empathise with how she's feeling, say you wish it had been convenient today, but unfortunately it just wasn't, but you understand why she's angry & upset.

Pjmaskswrecksmyhead · 13/06/2016 16:29

That all sounds like too much pandering and explaining to me. If she shouted at me like a pp there would he no TV or invitations to play. You are the adult, if it in convenient for her friend to come over you font need to explain yourself. And if she kept her strop up I'd also ban the friend from coming tomorrow!

lovelilies · 13/06/2016 16:32

I'd agree that shouting isn't acceptable, but she is young, and disappointed and it's how she feels. So yes, leave her to come to you. Don't apologise any more, but validate her feelings, and then move on.

bumbleymummy · 13/06/2016 16:33

I agree with the others who said the TV would be off if she was ignoring me/shouting at me. She can calm down and deal with it in her room!

SaucyJack · 13/06/2016 16:34

I'd just leave it.

We all get a cob on sometimes. It's part of life's rich tapestry.

witsender · 13/06/2016 16:35

Yeah, heaven forbid you might explain to another human being who just happens to be younger than you hey, it isn't like they have thoughts, feeling a and rights too...but without the autonomy to carry them out or emotional IQ to rationalise and control them.

Sounds like a good idea OP. In this circumstance I would normally calmly say "I know you're cross, and it is really annoying when you can't get what you want. I'm not happy being spoken to like that though, so until we can agree on this I can't say yes to a friend coming. I'm not angry, but I'm going to give you some space for a bit." Then just either sit and chill near her, or carry on as per usual. If she doesn't relent, talk to her again later.

She's only 7.

Original poster

Joolsy · 13/06/2016 16:47

Thanks all. She asked again if she could come and I said no, I'd already explained and I said I wasn't going to change my mind. We're fine now :)

OP posts:

Dancergirl · 13/06/2016 16:57

She'd no longer be watching tv if she'd shouted at me I'm afraid

I wouldn't, personally I'd save the TV ban for something really naughty rather than failing to contain emotions which 7 year olds are still learning to do.

Pjmaskswrecksmyhead · 13/06/2016 17:03

witsender I didn't say I wouldn't explain myself, of course I would, how else are they supposed to understand?
However I don't tolerate being shouted at and if the little madame behaviour kept up there would he consequences.

Glad all's fine now OP

Wdigin2this · 13/06/2016 17:03

Leave her to it, don't try to explain your reasons, just say...'I understand you're dissapointed, but that's just the way it is sometimes!' As for her shouting at you, I would ask for, and expect an apology when she comes around!

SandyY2K · 13/06/2016 17:06

I'd tell her that if she shout then they won't ever be allowed to come over. the sooner you nip that rudeness in the bud the better. She has to learn that she can't have it her way all the time and that doesn't mea she gets cheeky.

If a teacher said something she didn't like would she behave that way? Is she did she'd have a punishment for it.

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