To wish people wouldn't chat in coffee shops

[SybilEngineer]

Sitting in Costa with a latte choc muffin and my iPad. Can't concentrate because I'm surrounded by people yattering on about the Queen's birthday celebrations, their ailments in too much detail, conducting interviews for dodgy sounding jobs and making loud phone calls.

AIBU to wish they'd STFU and let me enjoy my coffee in peace?

I have just had the horrifying thought that if nobody was talking loudly about hemeriods and holidays in Majorca and the expresso machine was silent, coffee shops would be filled with the sounds of other people slurping, chewing and swallowing

No public eating and drinking establishments should be hallowed temples of silence for that reason alone.

MrsJay - perhaps there could be a cafe/ cage equivalent of Japanese capsule hotels, with lots of sound proof cages containing one chair and tiny table and free wifi for people to drink coffee in silence.

They could be called coffee pods

It is an excellent business opportunity MrsJay - shall we go on Dragons Den and get an investor? Bet somebody else will pinch the idea now it's out there though...

Not very sensible -bloody stupid- to expect quiet and solitude in a coffee shop!

I often work in coffee shops and I've overheard countless job interviews, marketing campaign meetings and pitches. The old lady with a poodle is a rare customer these days...

YANBU I sometimes go to a very 'naice' cafe up the road. I can't tune out the loud 'conversationalists' who seem to want to tell the world about their latest mundane doings. When DH go together we sort of mutter and mumble at each other. We don't have the energy to declare our importance to the world.

An award winning multi million pound library has a large Costa right in its main entrance. It is also full of shrieking teenage girls and can't afford either enough staff (many experienced people made redundant) or its former opening hours, now closed on Sundays. A sit protest at the reduced hours was held and the council in its wisdom threaten the peaceful protesters, many serious students, with a lifetime ban.

about Uncle Jeff's medical procedure You see that would be quite interesting compared to some of the drivel I've heard.

I don't mind people chatting in coffee shops since they are social places - but I really shouldn't be able to hear more than the occasional word. If I can follow everything you say then you are talking (deliberately) too loudly and so don't be offended if I join in and say something a bit goady

I wfh and tend to park at my local coffee shop for a few hours each week (to let our cleaner work in peace). I love overhearing random conversations, being approached by other patrons' dogs for a fuss, all the rest of it. There are occasionally shrieky toddlers but not too many. But I agree with a PP - if the particular shop doesn't have the right vibe, space etc, it would be miserable.

YABU for going to Costa for coffee, basically

What a bizarre post. Coffee shops are for having a coffee and having a chat. If you want a coffee in silence stay at home...

YABVU. Go to a different shop or a library if you want quiet

OP the horror of hearing about Uncle Mike's haemorrhoids from across the room is nothing when compared with the awfulness of someone asking to share your table

Why oh why is it not acceptable to retort with "no, you can fuck off I got here first"?

Who the hell would take their partner or friend to a non-talking area of a coffee house?

If there was a divide it should be "Are for people who have mates" and "Area for grumpy misanthropes with no mates."

I'd be in the latter.

Why oh why is it not acceptable to retort with "no, you can fuck off I got here first"?

In a busy coffee shop with no spare tables, you mean? Because it's immensely rude, aggressive and anti-social.

Yes, I was joking tiggytape
But obviously it's hard to tell with words on a screen and all that!

Curviest I would come and join you in the "Area for grumpy misanthropes with no mates" but it might defeat the object!

Coffee shops are to meet up and chat. Think you need to find somewhere else😀

I am an assistant manager of a known coffee shop brand. We had some people conducting interviews last week, was chatting to them afterwards and found out one of there interview questions is 'what would you do in the event of a zombie apocalypse?'
Bloody brilliant.

Why oh why is it not acceptable to retort with "no, you can fuck off I got here first"?

Because in crowded coffee shops/casual restaurants, you are entitled to your chair but not a whole table that seats more than one.