To think DH should sort his own passport?

[rusmus]

I booked our hols in Feb. We are going away for a week in late August, and we need passports. Mine and the DS/DDs are in date. DH's expired in May. When I booked it, I said he needed to make sure he sorted out his passport as wouldn't it be awful if he couldn't come, hahahaha?
It is now June. I have reminded him, sent emails with links to the gov.uk site, got the forms from the Post Office.
I have not done it for him. I just don't want to. I do a lot of stuff for the family and that's fine because it need to be done. He does the car insurance/ MOT/servicing. And I think he should sort out his own sodding passport. AIBU??

I'd be more worried about the CA form tbh. What does he say to you and his SIL & MIL when you speak to him about it? People saying you should sort his passport for him aren't taking into account, as pp have said, that you can't get photos taken for him, sign his form or get someone to verify his ID. In fact, if he works with accountants, the verification should be easy for him to do. However it sounds as if, even if you completed his details and gave him the form to do the rest, he might not bother. I think I'd say that you and the kids really want him to come on the holiday but that he only has a certain amount of time to get his passport so regretfully, you would have to cancel his ticket if you weren't sure he was going to have his passport by a certain date.

BasIcally he is an idiot ! Reminds me of a friends DH - he went to do the weeks shop - never checked whether baby formula or nap pies were running low. When they eventually ran out he said to my friend ' I thought you would check'. My friend soon put him right -' it was your turn to do the weekly shop and it is your baby, why would I check!'
Some women enable men to behave like an idiot - thankfully DH and now DS aren't in that mould.

I hope you earn roughly the same (or more) and have roughly the same expenses (or less). Because I would be very very pissed off with a 'partner' who kept his higher wages to himself while expecting a 1950s style mummy-wife.

I'm an accountant and know how important the actual qualification is- the exams mean significantly less without the letters after your name.

So although you shouldn't have to babysit him through getting his letters, you may have to, purely for the long term financial security of your family. I feel you'd be entirely justified using the "this is how it makes me feel" post an earlier poster suggested (which was excellent).

For the passport, it would be disappointing for your family not to have him on holiday but that may help him to understand consequences without the long term financial impact on your family that the qualification has.

We do have equal share going into the house account. He earns more but that's the industries y we are in.
He is just thoughtless.
He got really annoyed when my lovely SIL pointed out to him it needed to be done and that she would happily have the children for a day so he could have the time to do his baperwork and I could have a free afternoon.
He was very snappy with he and grudgingly agreed. And then refused to talk about it any more. And was annoyed with me for "dragging them into it"

I would prioritise the accountancy forms as that will impact on your finances for years to come whether you stay with him or not

Bloody hell serious repercussions for the whole family with the lack of exam verification!!
Okay how old are the dcs ? Are they old enough to have a coversationn in front of them along the lines of
Dh have you sorted out your passport yet
No? Oh hurry up or you won't be able to come with us won't that be silly kids and then leave the room
The kids will then pester him
Would that work?
Tending towards the upset and value his time more co version and standing g over him to do it although that would make me feel like a headmistress not a lover
What a turn off

Actually if he's already got a passport even if it expired and he's still recognisable - then he doesn't even need a counter signature.

Speaking as one whose DH reminded her in January that her passport was due to expire, got her the forms and reminded her every month that she really needed to get it sorted before our holiday in July.

Finally did at the end of May after 2 attempts at a human photo whilst panicking that it's busy time at the passport office.

I know what you mean, emotional blackmail might just do it.

Reminds me of 7.35 yesterday morning when we had to stop at a petrol station shop to buy DH's mum a birthday card so he could write in it and I could post it ready for it to arrive on Monday. The petrol station was at Heathrow and his flight was at 8.50!

I don't mind doing stuff but I'm not going out especially to buy a card because he hasn't got around to it especially because I've never even met her

On a practical note re the passport, as it's a renewal he shouldn't need to get it verified and as long as he's not changed too much, he doesn't even need to get the photos countersigned.

When I renewed ds' passport (age 15 now, 10 when his expiring passport was issued), I did wonder if they'd accept his photo without countersignatories (as children do change quite a lot and he'd changed from a young boy to a young man) but they did

So the only () thing he has to do is fill the form in, sign it and get photos done.

Ah, I see. Didn't realise that! Sorry, too many years of counter-signing (solicitor) has conditioned me! 😀 in that case it's even easier for him, he just needs to get himself to a chemist/photo booth or similar. Put a (metaphorical) rocket up his arse! 😀

I've done all mine since I was 18 (I'm a bloke). I'm sure he is capable of doing it himself

Never understood why some have them checked at a post office when it's all self-explanatory

My STBexH did this last year. I ran round to his counter-signatory to get them to sign new photos, only for her to discover that he'd faked her signature on the application form rather than bother to do it properly He missed out on the holiday anyway as he walked out a week before we were due to go. He's not missed.

This might well be a ploy to get him a childfree week.

There's an interesting (and funny) TED talk about procrastination - that link is to the transcript.
Watching the clip together could be a way of starting the discussion about what him putting stuff off actually does.

People put stuff off for many reasons and many of those reasons don't make actual sense to anyone but the procrastinator. Which at first glance is a statement which doesn't look helpful at all.
But by both of you talking to each other, you might find out why he needs the panic pressure to get stuff done.

Public shame (telling his family) hasn't worked. Being told he'll miss the holiday hasn't worked. Emotional blackmail* probably won't work either. He might be lazy, he might be irresponsible or dependent, might be lots of things, but you both need to talk to each other to work out why.

*the communication technique earlier isn't emotional blackmail, it is more cause/effect than "if you really loved us, you'd want to go on holiday with us all".

I would remove him from all family time until he has done both applications (lumping the accounting one because it is such a big deal) , explaining that it looks like you have to go on holiday without him so you are just going to prepare everyone for this as the children would find it very difficult. As for the accounting one, I would explain you require your years of solo caring four nights a week, extra care at other times and money back as you put them towards your family. Id probably be too furious to say that. But I would definitely do the removing him from family things. You can't make him do it, you can't dictate his time, but you can free some of it up for him.