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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH should sort his own passport?

93 replies

rusmus · 12/06/2016 17:25

I booked our hols in Feb. We are going away for a week in late August, and we need passports. Mine and the DS/DDs are in date. DH's expired in May. When I booked it, I said he needed to make sure he sorted out his passport as wouldn't it be awful if he couldn't come, hahahaha?
It is now June. I have reminded him, sent emails with links to the gov.uk site, got the forms from the Post Office.
I have not done it for him. I just don't want to. I do a lot of stuff for the family and that's fine because it need to be done. He does the car insurance/ MOT/servicing. And I think he should sort out his own sodding passport. AIBU??

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 12/06/2016 18:10

Tell him then! 'You fill out that form and I need to cancel your ticket so I can get the money back.'

Stop enabling him and get to your work.

Original poster
rusmus · 12/06/2016 18:10

navyandwhite thank you for the kind wishes, hopefully we will all go together...

OP posts:
SabineUndine · 12/06/2016 18:11

Zarah123 Grin

werealljustpassengerstonight · 12/06/2016 18:11

I would send him the online link then inform him that on X day you are going for photos and he needs to sort it. You can't take his photo and sign his forms ffs. At the moment stuff will come back fast. I've got mine back in a week (check and send) but it will quickly get longer. Current advise is allow minimum 3 weeks.

The exam thing would drive me so insane I would stand over him until he did it because if it expires it's a waste of hundreds of pounds and many hours just on the exams.

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/06/2016 18:13

Two very skilled communications experts I worked with have separately said to me that asking for what you want isn't enough. When things aren't working you have to tell the other person WHY you feel as you do.

So the exams, "I'm really pissed off you haven't verified your exams" is not as effective as, "I worked hard and did extra and missed you and had your back when you were doing exams. You spent family money on them. They are supposed mean a better life for our family. I believe that we need to work hard to support everyone. When you don't get your exams verified it it makes me angry because it means all the extra I did was for nothing. And it makes me feel like you believe that your time is more important than mine".

Horsemad · 12/06/2016 18:13

I'd pester him to do the paperwork for his chartered status as the salary drop would affect the family. I wouldn't pester him about his passport as that's his own fault if he ends up missing out on his holiday - unless you think he's dragging his feet deliberately so he gets a restful week off whilst you take the DC away? Confused

Original poster
rusmus · 12/06/2016 18:14

I actually completed the online form for him a month ago but didn't have the money to pay for it. I save the link and sent it to him but it expired before he looked at it.
He is very busy at work but he does have time in the evenings.

OP posts:
LazySusan11 · 12/06/2016 18:15

He's a procrastinator, my dh is like this and I get so frustrated I have to spell it out in no uncertain terms what will happen if he doesn't pull his finger out.

He's an adult and he's responsible for himself so if he misses the family holiday that's on him not you. There's helping someone out and then there's babysitting and assuming responsibility for someone because they can't be arsed.

Original poster
rusmus · 12/06/2016 18:15

MrsTerryPratchett that is a good approach, I will try it out

OP posts:
HerRoyalNotness · 12/06/2016 18:15

I would forget about the passport issue and concentrate on the CA one. That's the one where you need to stand over him to fill out the form and get it signed and sent off.

That has large, expensive, long term ramifications for your family. If he can't organise the passport there will be other holidays.

I do get where you are coming from, I have an H who is extremely competent in the office and would not dream of missing deadlines or need reminding to get things done. At home he is thoughtless and probably does not give a shit (note the 4mths reminding to get his car fixed that was leaking oil and had the engine light on)

TellAStory · 12/06/2016 18:17

While I agree that it would be ideal if your DH got his act together and sorted out the passport is it really worth all the agro?

Just fill the form in online and get it done then you can relax and have a nice holiday.

DetestableHerytike · 12/06/2016 18:19

Op has helped her DH, she fetched the forms for him (and turned out did an online version he then wasted).

She can't sign it for him or put on a fake tache and get pics done.

He seems to like to waste her time!

MurphysChild · 12/06/2016 18:19

I would do it, a) DH works very long hours and travels a lot b) if a job is worth doing its worth doing right c) I am a control freak d) I book where I want to go on holiday and he just comes along because I have organised It and it's easier.

Is this where I add "lighthearted" before I get loads of abuse for having a useless of a husband and lots of LTB because he CBA doing its own passport application action?

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/06/2016 18:22

I actually completed the online form for him a month ago but didn't have the money to pay for it. Why? Do you have separate finances?

NavyAndWhite · 12/06/2016 18:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
rusmus · 12/06/2016 18:28

We have separate accounts and a joint one for bills etc. It didn't have enough for the passport at that time

OP posts:
Donatellalymanmoss · 12/06/2016 18:32

So you've basically done everything you can and he still didn't get his arse in gear, that's just downright disrespectful. Honestly, I would tell him he can pack his bags and move out whilst you and the children are away.

Zarah123 · 12/06/2016 18:34

Navy don't be obtuse. No one has an issue with someone else helping out their partner with a passport application.

But people do have an issue with people who expect others to sort everything out for them when there is no good reason why they couldn't do it themselves.

Just because you are happy to do it for your husband, doesn't mean that other wives should be happy to do so.

It's your faux-incredulous, disingenuous voice that is so cloying and Stepford Wifish.

riceuten · 12/06/2016 18:40

I wouldn't dream of sorting my partner's passport out. He can get same day serice - £128.

NavyAndWhite · 12/06/2016 18:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Zarah123 · 12/06/2016 18:45

I wasn't going to respond to you but you brought up the Stepford Wife thing again so thought I would explain.

I think OP has had plenty of sensible advice.

NavyAndWhite · 12/06/2016 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CalleighDoodle · 12/06/2016 18:48

Focus on the exams. Id be tempted to cancel his holiday and transfer the money if possible to cover more weeks for you and the childrenq...

Marmighty · 12/06/2016 18:54

Let him get or not get his own passport. I am somewhat like your DH in that I leave everything to the last minute and put off important paperwork. I've only learned to get on with it through some stupid and costly errors. I also agree with terrypratchett - it was a big kick up the arse for me when my DH pointed out once our DC was born that my admin mistakes would no longer only impact me (and him) but also now my child. If he's a head in the sand person he needs to be forced to face the consequences on his family.

Having said that, I feel sick at the thought of him missing out on his accountancy qualification - make forcing him to complete that the last thing you do.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 12/06/2016 18:54

When you finally let him fall flat on his face one time then he will realise you won't always catch him so he needs to take care of his own shit himself.

Better it is a passport than the exam verification.

On that thought I would do absolutely nothing more to remind him about the passport and be unfussed about his last minute panic. Cruel to be kind. Stop being his mum.