To think DH should sort his own passport?

[rusmus]

I booked our hols in Feb. We are going away for a week in late August, and we need passports. Mine and the DS/DDs are in date. DH's expired in May. When I booked it, I said he needed to make sure he sorted out his passport as wouldn't it be awful if he couldn't come, hahahaha?
It is now June. I have reminded him, sent emails with links to the gov.uk site, got the forms from the Post Office.
I have not done it for him. I just don't want to. I do a lot of stuff for the family and that's fine because it need to be done. He does the car insurance/ MOT/servicing. And I think he should sort out his own sodding passport. AIBU??

arfarf i agree!

op i dont pack for my husband. I know lots of women who do. We do similar hours. We earn the same. And, and this is my key point, he is an adult. If i realised his passport was running iut i would tell him. I wouldnt do it as i deal with everything to do with me and the children. I have two children. I refuse to allow my usband to be treated like one too.

Not only would I not be sorting out his passport, but I'd also let him know that I'd put the house on AirBnB for the week you're away, so if he isn't on holiday with you, he's also on a mate's couch I might be slightly angry with my DP for doing many things like this all week

If this is an ongoing frustration for you OP, and you genuinely would be fine if he can't come, then this is as good a time as any to put your foot down although my bigger concern would be what it says about your marriage that you are happy to do a family vacation without your DH just to prove a point. But in general, I sort of think the point of a marriage is to help each other out, especially if you are good at something your partner isn't. I will freely admit that I am like your DH in that I am terrible at getting things like this done. I don't know why, I'm not proud of it, and it causes no end of stress. It's not just a matter of laziness, though im sure that plays a part. My DH on the other hand is very efficient and detail-oriented, so he takes care of a lot of the "admin" tasks for the family. It makes life so much easier for all of us and I'm so grateful for it. This is the same DH who can't boil an egg and isn't great with keeping up family relationships, and thus appreciates the home-cooked meals I make and the fact that I take the kids to see his grandma. As a family we help each other and capitalize on our respective strengths.

It took him 3 years to do those exams and during the exam period he worked 4 nights a week in the library and one day at the weekend. And in the spirit of teamwork, and wanting him to succeed, I worked and did the childcare etc. I didn't begrudge him that at all as it has benefitted us both, and was meant to secure the kids' future ( better wage etc).
So for the want of completing a form and getting 2 signatures, all that will disappear and we will have to do it all over again and until he requalifies, he is stuck in this job as he wouldn't be able to leave and get another qualified accountancy job.
That would. Result in a large salary drop. We have had some large rows about this and SIL/MIL have tried to encourage him to do it as they seen how upset I am about it.
Oh and the exams cost around £400-500 a go....

OP you are not in the wrong here your husband is.

I can't believe there are so many women happy to let their husbands get away with shit like this.

navyandwhite read the thread she does work and unlike her DH doesn't work in a office. So it would actually be a lot more effort for her to do this. As she already has for the actual children in the family.

But you keep going with your campaign for women to infantilise their husbands.

He wants you to do it stop reminding him stop running about after his backside but if he is normally like this you will end up doing it for him he is ignoring you and being a twat

Sorry I appear to be in a very bad mood

Navy&white the Stepford Wife routine doesn't work for everyone.

sorry NavyandWhite thought I had replied, am on my phone so perhaps it went missing.
Yes I do work. Full time followed by the usual round of dinner/bed/bath etc, followed by another 2 hours or so of work in the evening.

Your husband sounds like an arse. And I say that as someone who did their husband's form (he was manically busy, I wasn't, it benefitted the whole family so I did it).

I'd be livid about the exam thing. If he let's that slip is that going to be a deal breaker for you?

In fact I should be working right now looks at pile of marking and groans....

Op what other chores do you so for him, eg dinner, laundry, etc? Just thinking that if as you say it would be a case of the kids missing it if he didn't come there night be something you could withhold until it's done? I know that sounds petty/controlling but it sounds like unless one evening when he gets home you say "do the passport Right Now please or you're not getting XX" is just not getting done is it....

That is unless he's spending all his free time on his accountancy finals while you are chilling - which your last-ish post kinda implies - in which case I would just do it..... and pinch him in his sleep but then I am super childish sometimes

rusmus what the fuck is wrong with him. that is pure insanity. Are you sure he passed the exams?

I don't believe in 'helping my partner out' by taking his basic responsibilities off him, no.

Which is why he is now a rather competent cook, having been completely hopeless at it when I met him (and no I didn't 'teach' him either).

If he'd apologised, and said that he hates form-filling, etc, then I might - might - just consider doing it for him.

But if all he's doing is ignoring your reminders, then tough. His problem.

I'd send him an email at work, in capital letters, reminding him of the date of your holiday and that he needs to do it, and telling him that you will be going without him if his passport doesn't come back in time.

And then leave it.

If he's prepared to miss out on a holiday with his family it says a lot about him, and his regard for you all, doesn't it?

lalalalyra
Yikes. That is a door I have opened and rapidly shut due to the massive amount of boiling hot rage that spewed out when I think about him not getting the exams verified.
Seriously I do not know what I would do.
I feel sick about the thought of not going n holiday with him (the kids would be devastated) so just can't imagine how I would react.

X-post! Doesn't sound like you have any chill time to spare so I'll go with my first suggestion and stand over him till he does it - and if he complains tell him he has to, right now, tell the kids why he won't be coming. Or just do it. And repeat till he does it to get you off his back!

There's a phrase that comes to mind here, "Your lack of organisation does not constitute my emergency."

You will end up helping him in the end and it will be last minute and stressful, so annoying as it is, I would just help now - plan to go and get his photos done at the weekend when you are both around and have the form ready

He has finished his final exams. He just needs to fill out a form (oh the irony).
As for chilling, this is my free time, I'm only paid Mon- Fri....