Regular poster but have name changed for this. Background is that I am a line manager in a professional services industry, new guy joined the team last year and I was assigned to be his mentor. I am a decade older. We have worked closely together on a number of projects since he joined and have clicked like I have never clicked with anyone before (including my estranged husband).
We have a lot of the same interests and same viewpoint on many things. I could spend hours talking to him and generally I can't stop thinking about him. People in our team make comments about us being like a married couple.
I think the feeling is mutual from the way he:
- makes eye contact and looks at my mouth
- stands too close to me
- leans in close, nearly touching my hand when we are working through a document together
- looks at me when he thinks I am not watching
- remembers the tiniest details of things I said months ago
- apologises for something he didn't get right and says he is not sleeping, his head is in a mush (and then stares at me "meaningfully")
- comes to talk to me even when there is nothing work-specific he needs to see me about
- completely ignores me when we are out at work social functions (but I can see him watching me)
- one of his female work friends periodically makes comments to me about what a great guy he is (probably not explaining it well, but she isn't very subtle and is clearly digging for what my opinion on him is)
- is very competitive with me over stupid things (in a humorous not aggressive way).
He has a girlfriend. From what he has said, I don't think he is actually that keen on her eg he is meant to be staying at hers but doesn't want to go; he's not overjoyed that he received an invitation to an event with a plus one which she saw so he had to take her; his dad has commented that it isn't good to stay with someone if you are not really into them, etc. He goes out to things with her and then says to me that when he was there he was thinking that I should go as I would enjoy it, I would have got the jokes etc etc.
So what's holding me/him back? Well, I'm his boss, so that's difficult for both of us. The thought of making a move and being rejected makes me want to curl up with shame. Assuming I am reading all the signals correctly, I expect there is a similar issue for him. I have wondered if some of the things he has said have meant to be cues for me to be the one to make a move, but I have always chickened out. I think because despite everything I have typed, I find it hard to see what he would see in me - I look pretty good for my age (which he had commented on a number of times) and my figure is ok but I am no great beauty! This is my own insecurity talking, I know. I need to remind myself that actually I would be a pretty darn good catch!
The other thing is that he really wants children and I worry he thinks that I don't want any more and/or I'm too old. But I'm not, I've got a few good years left in me!
Sorry for the essay, I suppose I have downloaded everything as it is not really something I can talk to anybody about in real life. I fully expect to be told to get a grip, stop behaving like a lovelorn teenager etc. I am also hopeful that there will be some success stories out there too, whether that be success in getting over it or success in getting together. Leaving my job or moving teams is not a feasible option.