WIU to have a go at DP?

[Nicebucket]

He's my first serious boyfriend. We were friends for two and a half years before we became a couple.

Now, there's a few unusual things about him.

1. He doesn't spend money. AT ALL. He never ever eats out, never goes anywhere and doesn't even like spending on transport. So if I suggest we go somewhere in zone 1, he will refuse because the oyster ticket is more pricey. When we got together, he warned me he wouldn't buy me anything (not that I expect him to buy me stuff, I'm an independent woman)

1. He doesn't go anywhere. He just always wants to stay home.

1. He spends the weekends cooking because he won't eat out. And because he never wakes up before 12-1, we never go anywhere or do anything. He cooks and does his laundry etc all weekend and I hang about while he does that.

1. I've spoken to him several times about how we really need to do things together as a couple... They don't need to be expensive, but just SOMETHING apart from having sex or me watching him while he cooks etc.

There hasn't been much change. Twice he's agreed to a plan and then cancelled it last minute.

It's his other habits as well- he constantly moans! He was on the verge of redundancy and finally found an alternative job. Instead of being grateful he moans that his life is ruined because he has to be at work an hour earlier for this role

He insisted we should live together but I refused to move into his place because it's simply awful - cold and in the middle of nowhere.
So he's living at mine(doesn't pay rent) and also keeps paying rent on his old place because he's hopeful someday I'll move there ( it's not going to happen)

He cooks for me as well, but never helps with the cleaning.

He's applied for UK residency (he's from Eastern Europe) and he'd asked for his id back earlier. And today they (as requested by him) returned his id. But this some,e thing meant his life is over- because they didn't also send him a decision on his application at the same time.

He what speed me to say he has terrible news and then disappeared for 3 hours. Didn't answer my calls, or messages.

So when he returned home today, I had a proper go at him about all this.

Was I wrong?

Thanks got the honest responses.

I can't say I haven't asked myself the same questions.

To clear up a few things- he's not stunningly handsome. He's not that great in bed (although my endometriosis doesn't allow me to fully enjoy sex anyway)

He was really my best friend for two years- we worked in the same office and I shared everything witn him, as he did witn me.

I've gone though some horrible times with family in the past three years and basically I have nobody other than my mum now. So perhaps the sense of loneliness and desolation may have pushed me into this...

Lastly, believe me when I say I'm a feminist and I've always been the one in my group of friends who's advocated for strong confident women. I'm not with him because I think I can't so better. I know I'm attractive, I have a great job and I know I have many great things about me. I don't lack confidence. But at the same time, prior to him, is been single for practically all my life.

Goodness, I'm late to the thread but I think he's using you. I think you've been groomed, all this 'best friend' stuff, and he's using you for residency purposes.

Why not have a fresh start, without him? Choose someone who cares for you.

That's no way to live a life :(

He's hardly using her for a visa if they aren't married hmm

Wrong.

Depending on how long he has been in the UK so far, and how long they have been living together it can have a positive effect on his application.

You are a feminist, you say

What the fuck are you with this loser for then ?

He has kept his other flat yes, but from the sound of it his official post is going to address he is sharing with the OP. I dont believe for one second that he will still be living with the OP once he gets IDL, assuming thats what he has applied for.

He doesn't appear to have anything going for him.

I am genuinely very sorry that you feel so lonely that he is better than nothing. Perhaps you could focus on nurturing your other relationships so you can begin to imagine a life without him?

He can't use me for his visa- I'm not a resident either. I won't be before 2019. He's an EU citizen resident been staying here for 5 years, so he's already eligible for permanent residency.

So he's not good looking, crap in bed and tight, and living with you rent free?

Where is your pride and self esteem?

Do you honestly think this is the best you can hope for in a relationship?

It really isn't, it sounds thoroughly crap.

Putting it simply. You're not compatable as a couple.

Dump him. He's a waste of time.

DUMP . HIM. NOW.
He will not get better as he gets older - imagine what he's going to be like when he is miserable, stingy, controlling, depressing and OLD!!!
Honestly - there is more to life than living with this man who is draining all the joy out of things for you. You deserve more.

So negatives-
He's tight
He's shit in bed
Doesn't like to do anything outside the house
He's a cocklodgder, albeit a shit fuck
He cancels plans at the last minute
Sleeps all morning
Constantly moans
Ignores you when having a tantrum as something hasn't gone his way
Doesn't really care about your health (but is solid and always there? Cannot be both)
He's not there for emotional support

Positives -
He can use a washing machine
He can cook
He has his own place so you can dump him today and not feel guilt because he's lonely.

OP sounds like you were much better off as friends than you are as partners.

I'd tell him that it's not working anymore and you want to go back to being friends, he can move out and back to his flat...

And how he reacts will tell you a lot about whether he is using you or genuinely does have feelings for you.

I just cooked for my husband - we had posh burgers from the butcher. We also went for a meal on Saturday night and bought some nice stuff in the sales in the afternoon. We just got back from a cheap weekend break in Vienna last month and last week we went to the cinema 2 for 1 on a whim. We have no children and both work - this is how we like to enjoy our down time and it's not like we even spend a lot.
Do you really want to be either at work or sitting at home staring into space while he does chores? Not just next week or next month but 5 years from now? If you are waiting for some kind of revelation it's unlikely to come.

I can't say I haven't asked myself the same questions.

Well, you've clearly come up with the wrong answers.

Your life will be lonely, miserable and stifling if you stay with him.

He has nothing going for him, not one thing.

And if you think you're a feminist, I'm not sure of your definition.

You don't want what he can give.

Your future looks bleak.