WIU to have a go at DP?

[Nicebucket]

He's my first serious boyfriend. We were friends for two and a half years before we became a couple.

Now, there's a few unusual things about him.

1. He doesn't spend money. AT ALL. He never ever eats out, never goes anywhere and doesn't even like spending on transport. So if I suggest we go somewhere in zone 1, he will refuse because the oyster ticket is more pricey. When we got together, he warned me he wouldn't buy me anything (not that I expect him to buy me stuff, I'm an independent woman)

1. He doesn't go anywhere. He just always wants to stay home.

1. He spends the weekends cooking because he won't eat out. And because he never wakes up before 12-1, we never go anywhere or do anything. He cooks and does his laundry etc all weekend and I hang about while he does that.

1. I've spoken to him several times about how we really need to do things together as a couple... They don't need to be expensive, but just SOMETHING apart from having sex or me watching him while he cooks etc.

There hasn't been much change. Twice he's agreed to a plan and then cancelled it last minute.

It's his other habits as well- he constantly moans! He was on the verge of redundancy and finally found an alternative job. Instead of being grateful he moans that his life is ruined because he has to be at work an hour earlier for this role

He insisted we should live together but I refused to move into his place because it's simply awful - cold and in the middle of nowhere.
So he's living at mine(doesn't pay rent) and also keeps paying rent on his old place because he's hopeful someday I'll move there ( it's not going to happen)

He cooks for me as well, but never helps with the cleaning.

He's applied for UK residency (he's from Eastern Europe) and he'd asked for his id back earlier. And today they (as requested by him) returned his id. But this some,e thing meant his life is over- because they didn't also send him a decision on his application at the same time.

He what speed me to say he has terrible news and then disappeared for 3 hours. Didn't answer my calls, or messages.

So when he returned home today, I had a proper go at him about all this.

Was I wrong?

dump him, move on.

He sounds like a 70/80 year old man, who I would still recommend his wife to LTB.

This is not even vaguely normal.
The best thing about him is he was honest from the start.

And how is he great in a crisis? Would he travel to central London to visit a sick relative in hospital? How about to the other end of the country for a funeral? Or take time off to support you in court, or wait in for a service person to fix an appliance?
He cooks, but does he clean (including toilet), or do other household chores?

And how is he great in a crisis? Would he travel to central London to visit a sick relative in hospital? How about to the other end of the country for a funeral?

Visions of him walking or hitching there to save money.

Christ alive, OP, just get rid of. Life is too short to spend with miserable fuckers who suck any fun and joy out of it.

Not married, no kids, no brainer.

And think of how much you'll save on bills when he's not washing all his laundry, cooking all the meals etc whilst not paying rent at your house. And how much of a social life you might get if you actually get to level the house for a walk or to go see a show at the weekend. It's not like you need him to support you going to the dock toes as he's not even done that. Even though he pays the rent on his flat, he is essentially a cocklodger who cooks.

Dump him.

*doctors not dock toes

Meh to autocorrect

You're only young once and only get to live your life once. Don't waste your time with someone like this.

Ewww, get fucking rid! Life's too short to spend it with a misery guts.

So what if he cooks. If you're paying for everything you can cut him off and spend the money on lovely takeaways instead.

I'm with the other posters andI thought the same. He is living with you rent free, you pay all the bills, he is living for nothing and he has sex on tap. What do you get out of this relationship? Zilch. I think your comment about him being your first serious boyfriend is telling, honestly love you are better off on your own, free yourself up to find someone else.

Did you decide early on you would settle for this He cooks and fucks relationship.

'I'm am independent woman'

Well stop hanging around watching him cook like a pet waiting for the next feed and get out there and live.

Good God, what a shit relationship!

This man is not the man for you.

Good that he still has his own flat, you can easily just go your separate ways.

Are you much younger than him or is he just old before his time? It sounds as if you are settling for what he is willing to offer but are bored. If he is from Eastern Europe does he share your values and have the right to remain here independent of you.

YABU to be with him at all! He sounds thoroughly miserable, not to mention stupidly tight and boring.

Leave him and go and live your life!

You love him? Raise your standards, find someone who deserves to be loved.

Another one who thinks you need to end the relationship. Your life could be like this forever!

I think you'd be happier single. Just think of all the lovely things you could do and places you could visit. You live in London, one of the most exciting, vibrant cities in the world, and you are just sitting at home!

He's your first serious boyfriend? Do you know how to end the relationship? Are you scared of the process of ending it? Do you feel like any boyfriend is better than no boyfriend? Do you know it is OK to split up simply because you don't feel good with him?

What has happened to your other friendships? Have they drifted away as you stay in watching him cook instead of meeting your own mates for a drink?

Was he brought up in poverty? I have a work colleague who came from Eastern Europe, and her family struggled to eat, pay the bills etc - the poverty is horrendous for many ordinary people over there, even people with jobs. She struggles to feel OK about spending money, and does things like filling up at the lunch salad buffet (private school, free lunch for staff) as she doesn't like buying food for home. If this is the case, it could take him years to adapt and to realise that things aren't as difficult for him now and that its OK for him to spend money.
Of course, that's not to say that you should stick around when it isn't making you happy - if I was you, I'd have sympathy for him, but I don't think I could stay with him while he's like that.

Good grief, get rid! So he cooks. So do lots of people - so what. You sit there watching him cook and that's about the extent of your relationship!

I would imagine his card is marked and that's why he won't leave the flat, are you sure the immigration authorities aren't after him, did you actually see the paperwork he talked about?

You say there are a few unusual things about him. That statement wins "Understatement of the Week Award". It's a bit more than "unusual". He's boring, anti social, a sponger (lives in your flat), he doesn't consider you, he's boring and a twat.

However, he must be bloody good at sex and his spaghetti bolognaise must rock, otherwise why are you with him?

I see why this set up works for him - for you not so much.

You do know it's fine to end relationships don't you? You don't have to stick with your first boyfriend

God he sounds deathly dull. Even the good points you came up with were dull. "Solid". Great!

You can do better than this and you know it.

he's a solid presence in a crisis etc yet he won't go to the doctor with you while you're very unwell? What sort of a solid presence is that? Get rid and get your life back.

Wow, your standards are looooooooowwwwww.

honey he's probably a very solid presence in a crisis cos he never leaves the bloody house by choice so you always know where to find him!

Correction: HER house.

He must be absolutely stunningly Daniel Craig handsome to make this worthwhile for op. Actually you know what even then... Nah