To think that it's out of order to touch someone whilst they're sleeping?

[MrsPilkington]

A few mornings ago I woke up with my oh inside me. His penis obviously. Not his entire self. This morning I woke up to his hand swooshing around in my nether regions.

I am not to most pleasant person in the morning and barked at him "you know, I think that's considered sexual assault, when you intimately touch someone without their permission"

He looked a little taken aback. But I was pretty angry with him. I think it's pretty damn unreasonable. We have a great sex life, neither of us are deprived, then he does things like this and I think you arse hole I've told him before it really weirds me out to be touched while I'm asleep but he loves being woken up in this way and therefore thinks I do too. So aibu or....? I can't even find an or? Is it his manly right to have full time access to my body whenever he fancies?! he's a good man. He's wonderful. But waking up to this every week or two makes me want to club him with my side lamp. Hoping the sexual assault comment wasn't ott but will make him see how bloody ick it makes me feel

It's bothering me enough to post because I know I'm right. I wish I was ok with it, we have pushed each other boundaries gently for years and found so much pleasure and joy in it but I annoy myself that I'm not even willing to try this. But I guess I have to accept that as he does too

I haven't rtft but was he actually aware and concious he was doing it?

My dh has done this to me a couple of times but his is sexsomnia and he doesn't have a clue that he has done it until I wake him and make him aware. He is hugely apologetic about it and now we actually sleep in seperate beds because of it

"I wish I was ok with it, "

Please don't wish this, lovely. You aren't, ad that's fine.

He may be lovely in every other way, but he is a rapist.

He had sex with you without your consent, that's rape.

I do though! The idea of it sounds hot to me, but in reality I want to sleep and it just pisses me off. We've toyed around with cnc which I loved and oddly he didn't because he likes me begging for it

There is sex, which is consensual, and there is rape, which isn't. That's it. Nothing else. Black and white.

You didn't consent, therefore it's rape.

I'm very sorry.

I don't know what Cnc is, but there is an example of something you liked and he didn't, which presumably now doesn't happen.

This is the same except you are the one who doesn't like it; therefore, it is off the list too.

CNC is consensual/non consensual.

the fact you've told him before you don't like it & he continues to do it - that's rape.

He's called you and apologised - do you really want to hang around and see if he means it or do you want to take the risk that it's going to happen again?

Have been in this situation. It's rape, when you are asleep and can't say yes or no, just because it's your husband or partner does not mean it isn't rape. Sorry if I sound blunt but I heard such bullshit excuses from my ex and I wish I had never listened to them.

Good luck whatever you decide to do.

I'm very sorry this happened to you Pilkington.

Mmm. I don't think it's as black and white as that.

FWIW - I'm a Mistress. Professional kink is my job. If it's not SSC - Safe, Sane and Consensual - it's not kink, it's abuse. An unconscious person cannot consent, therefore it is as black and white as rape. If he cannot see that, then what he is practising is not kink - there is no one I work with in a professional dungeon who would not consider that rape.

I too, outside of work, get off on what most people would consider some pretty weird stuff (CNC) and so does my Dominant. However, my partner has never, (and would never) do this, because it's not kink, it's rape.

So he's a really a nice guy aside from being a rapist? Well that's OK then

It doesn't matter what you have previously discussed maybe one day you'll try it...you didn't consent and so your partner is a rapist. It doesn't matter if you consent in the future. This time he raped you. He knew you didn't want him to do it and he did it anyway. It's incredibly unlikely he was asleep

No I wouldn't throw away what we have and have built because he's been a dickhead over this. I am almost sure he must have been asleep the other morning. I don't believe he would risk pregnancy and we'd been indulging in some orgasm denial so we were both pretty pent up.

I dunno. It's hard to explain how it really is online I guess because the more I protest the more abused I look I've been raped. And gave consent. But I was drugged. Even with consent I see that as rape as I didn't know what I was doing. I do believe it's bang out of order and I'm furious with him, although relieved that he has instigated an apology. We have had some dodgy situations come up in our time of d/s roles. I guess this is a big one and I'll have to see how it pans out. Maybe as well as a safe word we need a go for it word too

Chargerzz I am also like this, but I have already given consent and told DH that I may wake up and carry on, or wake up and say no and if i do stuff stops. He agreed. I sometimes wake him up messing with him, and same goes. He wants to carry on we do, he doesn't, we stop.

BUT if I had not consented already, and I woke to find things in places I would hit the roof, and he would find himself in a whole lot of trouble.

Ugh my partner does this and it pisses me off so much. We haven't had sex as often as we used to since we had the kids but still..it creeps me the fuck out. he always says he doesn't know hes doing it either which is utter bullshit

We have had some dodgy situations come up in our time of d/s roles

I mean, that is a huge red flag to me, as someone whose entire life could be said to be d/s.

I do understand what you're saying about 'go for it' words (the traffic light system is a good place to start?) but ultimately a go for it word is planning too far ahead with someone who's already raped you while you were unconscious and could not give the word, even if you wanted to. How are you going to trust that he won't overstep all your boundaries after this.

Vickyyy, I'm sorry your partner is assaulting you. He needs to sleep elsewhere if he thinks he can't stop himself.

You've told him you don't like it. You've told him you don't want this. And he still does it. You can minimise it as much as you like, denial isn't just a river in Egypt, but he is raping you.

Maybe as well as a safe word we need a go for it word too

In the context of him penetrating you when you are asleep, how would a "go for it" word work? You couldn't say it if you're sleeping.

The lack of him hearing a safe word doesn't mean he can penetrate you. You shouldn't need to implement a new word because when you said "oh, don't touch/penetrate me when I'm sleeping" is pretty clear enough.

Not having an orgasm for a while wouldn't make him penetrate you in his sleep either. Is he asleep when he's rummaging in your knickers too? If he's genuinely doing this every week or two in his sleep, then you need separate rooms, and if he is truly asleep and loves you as much as he says then he won't be arsey about it. If he loves you he won't want to risk ever sexually assaulting or raping you in his sleep again.

I'm not convinced he was asleep as it's a regular occurrence, I think when you've said it's sexual assault he's realised how serious it actually is.

vikkkky

He drugged you?

He drugged you? Or you've been drugged before?

He raped you. I'm sorry

Jesus. It gets worse.

I think the OP is saying that she has been raped in the past in a situation where she gave consent but in fact had been drugged so she regards that as rape. I didn't get the impression that was with her current P.