Name changed for this.
ExH and I split up when ds was 4. He has remarried and has a couple more kids. I live with dp and my DD who is 18. Ex is the rp as he didn't work when we were together.
I have my ds three weekends out of four and two extra midweek days in those four weeks. I also have him extra weeks during the holidays etc. It works out he spends over a third of his time with me.
I pick ds up at 6pm on a Friday and drop him to school on Monday morning. DS doesn't do any out of school activities during the week but I do try to take him out at least once over the weekend. We go bowling, soft play, wildlife centres, fun fairs etc. I try to vary it and he has a friend we meet up with too.
Ex doesn't seem to do anything similar with him on his weekend. Although they do go on holiday every other year and also does a big day out (Chessington etc) with him once or twice a year. I haven't had a holiday in years.
I provide a full wardrobe of clothes for ds when he is here. He needs as many toys/electronics/bits of random crap here as he actually probably spends more leisure time with me. He has bikes, scooters etc at both houses.
Financially dp and I are struggling due to being made redundant four times between us and periods off work due to illness. Our income has dropped by 40% since dp moved in with me six years ago. We make ends meet every month but I am still paying off debts built up from when I was with ex.
Ex earns about £28,000. I earn £21,000. I had to take a significant pay drop six months after we split up.
Ex gets the child benefit and used to get tax credits, but that was a few years ago so I don't know if he and his wife are still entitled to anything. They have a couple of children together now as well so the new wife fits some part time work in when ex isn't at work. They don't pay for any childcare. They have two cars and are currently saving up for a big holiday skiing, just to give you a picture of their finances. I would think they are fairly comfortable financially.
I pay half of uniform costs, school trips etc. I organise and pay for his birthday parties.
I give ex £100 a month. It sounds really tight but it really is all I can afford right now. I even paid the same amount when I was on statutory sick pay for months and also when I struggled to find work after two redundancies.
But when I think about it, he gets at least £170 a month extra for being the rp. I still need to provide a room, heating, electric etc for ds. Ds has his own room at my house and shares with his little brother at his dads. All other costs are paid 50/50. Ex feeds dw for a few extra days but I pay for most of his weekly entertainment. I probably spend about £80 a month on our trips out.
Do you think our arrangement is fair or am I paying too little?