Is It U To think children should ask for food?

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DH and I can't agree . One of us was raised in a household where it was take as you please and one of us was raised as asking if we could have X, Y, Z . Never denied , just polite asking before taking .

We have almost 5 year old twins.

One of the twins would eat all day given the chance - out of boredom . He will not play or entertain himself and just constantly asks for food.

Fruit or veg is never denied (unless they've just eaten a piece ) . Snacks like crisps , biscuits etc are allowed in moderation .

Is it unreasonable to have them say "please can I have an apple/biscuit/etc " or should they just take as they please ?

Opinions ?

Fruit bowl is a free-for-all. DS (6.5) likes to help himself to apples (can't peel mandarins or bananas yet) once or twice a day. It's never been a problem. If he starts eating an apple before meal, I ask him to put it aside for later and he goes "oh yeah- forgot about lunch/dinner!". He doesn't open the freezer or the cupboards on his own. He is generally not very hungry and quite small and slim.

*One of the twins would eat all day given the chance - out of boredom . He will not play or entertain himself and just constantly asks for food.

Fruit or veg is never denied (unless they've just eaten a piece ) . Snacks like crisps , biscuits etc are allowed in moderation .

Is it unreasonable to have them say "please can I have an apple/biscuit/etc " or should they just take as they please ?*

Our kids were raised to know that they can have as much fruit and veg and water as they want without asking - it's totally help yourself to the healthy stuff.

Treats are exactly that, treats, and they ask - but they also know that unless it's after dinner they are likely to be told no and to have some fruit instead.

If they say they are hungry then we'll make a snack that's a bit more filling than an apple.

It's all about teaching your kids to make good choices.

I was raised in an asking house. Even before we took a piece of fruit or a yoghurt we had to ask.

DH isn't from an asking house so I'm constantly going to get something to find he has fucking eaten it that can cause issues when he doesn't let on that he's taking something. I always mention it to him if I'm going to take the last of something.

I just wonder how you manage. Do you not reach in the fridge and find no cheese left? What if you have to make lunches for school and there is nothing left?

My other half is a nightmare for this. lol. We solved it by getting a marker board on the fridge and we write down things we are low or out of so one of us can pick them up on the way home from work.

Why is your twin bored when the other isn't?

DS is 18 now & still asks if he can raid the food supplies, other than stuff he usually helps himself to - eggs, bacon, tomatoes, potato cakes, crackers etc

It depends on the age and the child I think. A five year old shouldn't be helping themselves to food as their diet is their parents control. With drinks, I can't see me denying future children drinks but better to pour them for them.

As the child get older it becomes less about controlling their diets and making sure there enough for the family. 14yo's are generally in charge of what they eat in a way young children aren't, but might ot have the foreight to realise eating the last mars bar/slice of pizza/entire bag of family sized crisps isn't polite without offering others, and so I would probably ask them to ask re treat/special/rarely bought foods, definitely not ask for drinks (what my parent did with me anyway).

As they get older (16+) most young people understand not eating the last of something without checking it won't be used in another meal, and understand everyone having equal of special foods, so I woudnt expect them to ask for food or drink.

Asking is just a good habit to get into for other areas of life. Plus as you say, some kids would eat all day if you let them.

We make our DD (4 yo) ask. Firstly because she can literally eat more than me (although she's big for her age, she's on the same centile for height & weight so not overweight), so I suspect she would be very chubby if we let her have free rein. Secondly because it's polite to ask & will be easier for her to form a habit if we instil it at home. We always have a variety of fruit & veg available, & we never refuse her a healthy snack unless she's deliberately starting & then leaving food, thereby wasting it, or it's bedtime & we feel she's doing it as a waylaying tactic.

Mine have to ask, although I rarely say no. Well, except when it's 8.45pm and one of them asks for a chocolate biscuit or something.

If they didn't ask I'd have no clue what we had left, what was running low etc.

My parents never expected to be asked, I didn't overeat either. If I had kids I wouldn't expect them to ask, it's their home and to me asking seems strange. But obviously I'm in the minority!

DS always had to ask for anything other than drinks of water/squash.

He fends for himself now that he is 18, will get crisps, biscuits etc but still sometimes asks if a particular item is OK. I prefer him to ask as I meal plan and shop accordingly.

voddiekeepsmesane it's a box with various snack foods in. The older two are 16 and 12, DH has one too.

Never heard of kids having to ask for food!!
To growing boys 12 and 15 can eat what they like, both are slim and active yo I'm confident they can regulate their diets, nothing is out of bounds, sweets, crisps, biscuits whatever they like, over a week they have a very balanced diet

TooMuchCoffeeMakesMeZoom I too have been witness to families of grazers and guess what, they never sit down as a family to eat or if they do the children lose interest in their food so fast that it becomes chaotic. Then again maybe I am just being old fashioned about sitting at a table as a family at mealtimes ( perhaps another thread)

Ignore typos fat fingers

Mine (aged 5,8 and 10) tend to ask, not that I've ever told them to.... although they can reach food and do sometimes help themselves to biscuits.

I agree that if they helped themselves all the time, they would eat a load of biscuits just before dinner because they just know they're hungry, but haven't realised that's because they are due a meal.

My 8 year old is permanently hungry at the moment and I'm trying to encourage her to understand what foods will fill her up and not. For example, after her dinner and pudding today she kept asking for one more Fruitella chew. After a couple, I said, "are you actually still hungry or just wanting sweets?" She said she was still hungry so I offered her a rice cake and explained that sweets won't actually help if you're hungry.

mrs there's only dd and I, so it's easy to keep track, and buy the usual amounts we eat in a week.

Wow Notso never really thought about that DS is 12 too

So many posters saying children should ask.

But on another current thread posters are saying teenagers will think for themselves, and 15 yo's will drink alcohol whether you like it or not, so don't expect them to ask as at this age they are independent thinkers.

My DC don't ask if they can eat food. DH doesn't ask if he can eat food. Sometimes I buy food I really, really like and one of the DC eats it. It annoys me, but DH reminds me the DC are just as entitled to it as I am, and he's right.

I do shove school lunch food in a top cupboard, and ask them not to eat it all up, as it's for their packed lunch later in the week. This does not stop a hungry teenage boy, though.

Funnily enough, my teenage DSs have never felt the need to be "independent" with alcohol, or even succumbed to peer pressure.

Mine would always ask when they were small. From about mid-teens that stopped and now they just help themselves, which is usually fine. They have free access to bread, cereals, fruit & snacks.

I do expect them to ask before helping themselves to something that might possibly be for making a family dinner with, though. It's really annoying to go to the fridge for something and find it's disappeared because a hungry teenager has helped himself to it.

The OP is talking about a 5 year old not 15 . There are a lot of posters myself included that insisted a 5 year old asked, as they may not understand that a meal will be with them in an hour or so etc than a 15 year old that understands when meal times are in the household IMO

Wow, we were raised in a household where it never occurred for us to ask or expect food outside of meal times.

We were presented with food at meal times when we were young and when we were abit older, maybe 7 onwards, we made our own breakfast etc, but there was no choice really (cornflakes or toast mostly) and we certainly didn't eat outside of meal times.

Hmmm, interesting ...
My teens still ask quite a bit but that's mainly because they're hoping I'll get it for them!
They do ask but I nearly always say yes, certainly to food, but I regulate treats slightly more.
It's worked out very well. Little stress and no food issues.

ON another note , as a family on benefits through disability I can not let DS just help himself sometimes as what we have needs to last the week

I just wonder how you manage. Do you not reach in the fridge and find no cheese left? What if you have to make lunches for school and there is nothing left?

If you look in your fridge and there's nothing left then you were probably running low in the first place. Unless your child is a teenager is sustaining themselves on only snacks you should be running low on things at a semi-predictable rate.

Personally I think it depends on their age.

Small children = Ask for everything.
Grade school = Ask only for junk food.
Preteen and up = Fend for yourself. Nothing to eat? Better get resourceful.

We just don't keep much junk food in our house, so if DD needs a snack it's probably going to be a choice between string cheese or carrot sticks.