Is It U To think children should ask for food?

[DreamCloud99]

DH and I can't agree . One of us was raised in a household where it was take as you please and one of us was raised as asking if we could have X, Y, Z . Never denied , just polite asking before taking .

We have almost 5 year old twins.

One of the twins would eat all day given the chance - out of boredom . He will not play or entertain himself and just constantly asks for food.

Fruit or veg is never denied (unless they've just eaten a piece ) . Snacks like crisps , biscuits etc are allowed in moderation .

Is it unreasonable to have them say "please can I have an apple/biscuit/etc " or should they just take as they please ?

Opinions ?

Depends on the child and the food available.

WTF is a snack box Notso ?and you say older what age are you talking about?

My children (3 and 6) always ask before they eat something. Not sure why really - just something we've always done. Having said that, they don't ask for food very often at all and rarely eat between meals.

My big kids are 7 and 4 and they both ask before getting anything, except when the 4 year old is being a cheeky bugger, though his older sister usually rats him out. We keep a well stocked fruit bowl on the table and both kids can reach the fridge and cereals and with some team work and ingenuity they could realistically reach the higher up biscuits and crisps (though they haven't) and usually I don't mind them helping themselves to fruit, unless it's right before dinner. But overall I prefer them to ask. They are very hungry kids and very active but while they are still little I'd prefer to have some idea what they are snacking on. I'll relax this as they get older I'm sure, thoguh I don't know when that might be yet.

chippy, DD is only allowed things from her cupboard, and as she doesn't have one at other homes, she doesn't just go into people's cabinets! Good point about table fruit, though - I should make sure to tell her when we go to someone's house to make sure to ask before eating anything. We don't go to too many houses, usually groups where there is also a table of food for the small ones to have from as they wish, so it is a danger she might think food out is food available. Although, to think on it, she does tend to ask before getting from the group table unless I've directly told her she can have whatever she wants, so we're probably okay. But good to pay attention. And we'll be visiting a friend's house tomorrow, so good chance to reinforce the 'only in your own home' rule.

Our children ask first (7 & 2), we have fruit bowls in 3 places to encourage fruit eating and a snack bowl of healthy snacks but they are encouraged to ask!

DD is 9, she doesn't have to ask, she's never had to. She doesn't get herself food that often, she usually waits for me to give it to her. She picks some healthy foods, not usually fruit though. She doesn't have a big appetite and only ever helps herself to one thing. I think it's good thing that she can be independent and is sensible

Even babies can self regulate food intake- they feed on demand, many of us do blw- that's all about allowing very young children to regulate their food intake.
I would be a little worried if a child of 4 or 5 couldn't regulate their food intake.

Mine always ask, they can help themselves to drinks, which is only water or milk first thing but food they have to ask. My youngest ds has a dental condition which means he has to stick to meal times and have a limited diet but even before that we tried to keep eating between meals down to a minimum. Ideally just one after school snack. However I wouldn't judge someone else for doing it differently and suddenly before I was aware of the implications on your teeth of grazing my eldest grazed all the time.

They should ask. They can stop asking when they are teenagers and old enough to make their own toast and cereal for snacks and raid the biscuit cupboard and hopefully fruit bowl for yet more snacks. By then they know what they can and can't have. At 5? No way.

5,4 and 2 year old. All the food is in the top cupboards. They have to ask, otherwise I'd find pieces of banana,crisps and hot chocolate scattered around the house. End of.
The carots and potatoes are just in reach if they are desperate!
I've had a few kids around my house though (friends) who have had the audacity to go into my fridge without asking and that seriously pisses me off. :(

I've managed to ingrain the "you have to ask" thing to such an extent that my 18 year old still asks if he can have a yoghurt. At this stage it's just really irritating and I tell him to just bloody take a yoghurt if he wants one.

If you have one of those kids who eat out of boredom (and I do, although she's grown up now) you have to impose limits, and there has to be a "ask first" policy.

Of course they should ask, even if it's just, "I'm getting myself my morning snack now, mum".

Children (and adults) shouldn't grazing on sweet stuff and fruit the whole time because of the damage it does to teeth.

At five the chances are they have no idea when the next meal is anyway. My ten year old often comes in 'hungry for a snack' to find me making the next meal. The answer is then, "No, wait for meal".

As a parent your job is to help your children learn to eat a balanced diet of protein/carbs/veg etc, and not to feed them just whatever is handy. I know plenty of people who do the whole trendy grazing food on the side thing and their children don't learn how to sit down to a proper family meal.

I've always made the kids ask and restricted treats. My sister had always let her kids help theirselves. Her eldest daughter is now a teenager and is now getting slightly overweight. She now has an issue that if she now suddenly gets them to ask its highlighting the reason why. In hindsight she's admitted she wishes she'd limited the help yourself attitude.

dh(12) usually asks, I've never told him he has to ask or told him he doesn't need to.

I've noticed recently he is helping himself to some drinks (water, squash, milk) without asking, but still asks for food/fizzy drinks/treats.

My dd always asked.

It was stranger-children/visitors who asked for food that I really didn't like.

Yes, my 2 year old would eat all day if he could. Your stomach just adjusts to the quantities you generally eat whether that be too much or too little. I used to eat whole packets of biscuits, pizzas, crisps. i went from size 10-12 to size 18 between having the kids and that was purely from eating crap. ( No medical conditions ect)
I've worked damm hard and I'm now back down to normal size but it takes a while for your stomach to adjust to the smaller quantities just as it can do in children.

Also, some foods are more filling than others so it's possible for a child to eat a lot of high fat sugary foods without feeling particularly full.

If you ate a sandwich on wholemeal bread with some protein, it would satisfy your appetite better but children don't usually reach for the healthy option and do not grasp the concept of a balanced diet at a young age.

"MrsDeVere
I am usually made to feel like some sort of Victorian beadle because my kids ask for food "

As I wrote my post I had a brief flitter of worry about this and then wrote what I really think ;).

Mine ask, they are 11 and 13.

It's not something conscious, they just have never taken food and still don't. They rarely ask TBH, they eat their meals and regulate their intake much better than I ever did or do!

I think at 5, I would not be happy for children to help themselves, I think it's too young.

This is interesting as I grew up in a house where we had free access to a snack cupboard with biscuit tin and a tub of fun size chocolate bars, but no free access to fruit.

My mum used to cut up an apple or carrots sticks for us as an occasional treat

Always ask! Its manners and safer - imagine a 5 year old alone eating and they choke?!