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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask how you prevent outing yourself?

94 replies

NarkyKnockers · 10/06/2016 13:12

I've posted on here for quite a few years now but namechange regularly just because I sometimes post personal stuff and I don't necessarily want ppl in rl to know all my business if they recognise me. I've noticed some people on here for years though. Do you accept being recognised? Do you just make sure you only share stuff you're comfortable with people in rl knowing. I've thought about changing minor details about my personal situation but I doubt I'd be consistent and the troll hunters would have a field day with me I think. Plus I like thinking of new names. Means I am always a newbie tho...

OP posts:

DownUnderBound · 12/06/2016 23:15

Awkward! The other day I read a comment on a Facebook mum'snd site, it seemed very similar to a poster on here that posts often. The picture also matched her description of herself on one thread, (unusual hair/tattoos) I wondered if it was her. Makes you think! Maybe sometimes it is more obvious than we realise? One of my threads made it to Facebook, and I know if my mum had read it she would have identified me. Luckily she doesn't read that sort of stuff on there.

EastMidsMummy · 12/06/2016 23:31

Lie.

LineyReborn · 12/06/2016 23:33

And lie again

humdinger100 · 13/06/2016 05:19

I change ages, dates and genders and name change for almost every post. I was outed before by DH and the anxiety was awful wondering how much he had read.

I also an awRe I have quite a distinctive writing style - the way I talk.

But changing info makes me nervous of being thought a troll by MN, especially considering I rely on it so much for advice and don't want it taken away.

Then again the stuff I post about is a bit too boring to be troll-type stories

dizzyfucker · 13/06/2016 05:47

I swap around age and sex of children and name change. I change locations too, so for example instead of saying Cambridge I would say Oxford or North London I say South. My location, birth place and my dogs are about the only thing that are not changed, but I worry that those facts combined will out me, so I try to be vague now.
I do not stay consistent with my children, just pluck an age. So one week I could have a 12 year old, then a 13 year old and back to 12 again. But I doubt anyone cares or notices. What are troll hunters? Are there really people that scrutinise other peoples posts? And I thought my MN addiction was tragic. It's true what they say, there is always someone worse off than you.

TheDowagerCuntess · 13/06/2016 06:22

I used to name-change regularly, but haven't in a while.

I'm not in the UK, so probably less chance of being recognised, although obviously not zero.

I never start threads. Well, maybe one or two innocuous ones in S&B, but that's it. I would never, ever start a thread about anything even vaguely personal. I never talk about family and friends.

I am definitely more frank on here than in real life, but I don't really say anything too controversial.

I think if someone recognised me, they really wouldn't find out anything they didn't already know about me.

NightPeople · 13/06/2016 07:26

Interesting question ... I usually leave after a while so my activity on MN has mostly been very short-lived. I really feel for those who have felt "outed", it must have been a horrible experience.

In the past I've usually left after a very short while anyway. Found the attacking on AIBU too vindictive, especially being on the receiving end, when I was in a very distressed state, as well as feeling helpless when others were so viciously attacked. Even now it makes me feel ill to think of it. I think there must be a special place in hell reserved for those people who do this for sport MNHQ happily stood by - I guess all traffic was good traffic for them. They were sometimes even part of it.

I've briefly returned again from time to time since, but not for long. AIBU does look less attacking, though in terms of politics I still see the Politically Correct Tendency are still angry and plain nasty (with Remain campaign their latest podium), another reason to move on again. Education has been useful on one or two occasions, and SN too. I'll miss some of the intelligent posters and interesting posts, but not much else.

topcat2014 · 13/06/2016 07:30

I solve this by not having that many friends in real life -

elQuintoConyo · 13/06/2016 08:07

I don't know anyone who uses MN. It's like my own sordid little secret

Trills · 13/06/2016 08:51

So when people say

Hey OP, you say your child is 12 but in another thread you said they were 13 - can't keep your lies straight eh?

Should we assume this is a privacy-protection fudging rather than a pretend persona?

RebelandaStunner · 13/06/2016 09:01

Name change regularly
Avoid the how much money/pets nickname threads or anything too nosey or identifying.
Be vague on jobs, places, people.

Cutecat78 · 13/06/2016 09:05

I don't think I do hide myself very well at all

It's a constant worry but I just vent here then regret it

TooMuchCoffeeMakesMeZoom · 13/06/2016 09:15

Trills
In my case, yes!

Egosumgism · 13/06/2016 09:46

I just wouldn't care if someone recognised me. I name change every so often but that's about it.

My husband knows my username I think but certainly don't mind if he knows my opinions.

Damegemma82 · 13/06/2016 10:18

Maybe I'm completely naive or stupid but it doesn't really worry me at all. I think I just treat mums net like RL and be careful what you say and who you say it to. I realise people call me on here to vent about stuff they feel they can't in RL. I have replied to someone's thread regarding MH issues (anxiety) which I don't shout about from the rooftops but wouldn't keep it a secret either as I would like less stigma around MH in general. I am very new to Mumsnet though so maybe ask me in a few months time

Damegemma82 · 13/06/2016 10:20

Also, I don't think my goings on are particularly interesting or important to anyone else so doubt it would even occur to people to care

dizzyfucker · 13/06/2016 11:30

Trills in my case it would be true, but I don't post sensationalist stuff, more just "I have a 13 year old who does x, y and z so I know how you feel" kind of thing. If I start a post I dont lie, if it was about something that was outing, I would name change. So if friends and family saw it they'd think it was a one off or think I'd name changed and wonder if they could spot me elsewhere.

MrsJayy · 13/06/2016 11:44

Im not that bothered really i dont post really personal stuff i dont ask for advice in this name i have namechanged a few times to ask for a handhold aboutprivate things but if i was outed id just vanish and name change

whiteDragon · 13/06/2016 13:38

Not on here but another parenting site Netmums who wrote an innocuous but v. Identifiable post

I had that didn't think my posts were identifiable but apparently were - I wasn't saying anything bad about anyone - but I really didn't like it.

They were children centre staff and were coming out with stuff I hadn't told them - said they'd recognised me from there - I was a bit hmm - made me feel like I wouldn't be able to ask about more personal family stuff there and glad I hadn't already.

Came here - and it's better in so many ways.

I do read people suggesting getting rid of the name changing to stop trolls - but then I think I'd have to stop posting.

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