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Original poster

Withdrawal as a means of contraceptive - reliable/ not reliable....

90 replies

ScullyMa · 08/06/2016 12:47

I know I am probably about to get flamed here and I definitely think I am being less than sensible, but can we have a discussion about the use of withdrawal as a contraceptive?
I've been on the pill - it was a nightmare, I went on the coil - it was worse, dh and I have discussed him having a vasectomy - he isn't keen as not sure we're 'done' with having children and we, when being sensible, use condoms.
Dh is 90% sure he doesn't want another child, I'm very unsure either way but also extremely proud and happy with our two children. When in the 'throes of passion' we have on a number of occasions used withdrawal instead. I think we are being rather silly but it is easy to get carried away in the moment. Can I please have others experiences/ views on withdrawal as a form of contraceptive - how much of a risk am I running? But I have to say I hate condoms and do prefer this method but reading very mixed messages about how reliable it is. If we fell pregnant it wouldn't be a disaster but I would rather if we have another child it is a planned decision not an accident.

OP posts:
whois · 08/06/2016 14:16

It is no way reliable!

LittleLionMansMummy · 08/06/2016 14:18

Tinkly thanks for the 'newsflash' Hmm I'm quite aware of the various ways in which a man can come thanks. I'm not 12. I wasn't really viewing it from a man's perspective tbh - as a woman, I would not be very turned on by a man withdrawing and ejaculating elsewhere when I'm in the throes of passion. It would be a let down. Such is my preference for mutual satisfaction.

LittleLionMansMummy · 08/06/2016 14:19

Mutually penetrative satisfaction that is.

DorothyHarris · 08/06/2016 14:20

We did pre DC. Since we had twins second time around we already have one more than we planned for so I had a coil put in.

BertieBotts · 08/06/2016 14:22

Used a combination of withdrawal and condoms put on at the last minute for 5 years. Then conceived first cycle TTC (unfortunately miscarried)

I think it's a perfectly fine method to use if another baby wouldn't be a disaster. I wouldn't use it if you definitely don't want to get pregnant.

Condoms actually have a similar typical use failure rate.

CarrotVan · 08/06/2016 14:23

My parents used natural family planning and had 12 kids...

If you can't use hormonal contraception then condoms are the best bet

BigDamnNCFail · 08/06/2016 14:57

Just use condoms. It really isn't difficult. You don't lose your mind when aroused.
This aversion to condoms people have is very teenage.

Hmm I've never heard anyone say using a condom is 'difficult'. If you start having sex spontaneously it can rather ruin the mood having to stop and possibly go to a different room to get one, then put it on etc.

Also, I just dislike the sensation. I don't enjoy sex anywhere near as much when DH wears a condom because it doesn't feel as good and the same is true for him. I don't see what that has to do with our ages. Confused

specialsubject · 08/06/2016 14:58

Correlation and causation seems to be a big issue on here as always.

Do you want any more kids? Make a decision. If you do, stop ruining the fun with kiddie methods. If you don't, one of you get the snip.

LittleLionMansMummy · 08/06/2016 14:58

I agree about condoms - dh has used them but neither of us enjoy it as much. The analogy is taking a bath with your socks on!

Andrewofgg · 08/06/2016 15:04

My father taught me when I was too young (just) for it to be an issue for me that getting off at Fratton is all very well but sometimes the train just hurries on to Portsmouth and if it does, it does.

Do not rely on it.

olympicsrock · 08/06/2016 15:06

Don't try the natural rhythm method. I did after coil removed. I thought would be fine as 37 yrs, it took 6 months aged 33 Ttc ds1 and very regular cycle. Got pregnant on day 26 of my 28 day cycle. Result is now 10 months old and a joy. ...

VagueIdeas · 08/06/2016 15:07

There's no perfect solution is there?

I can't tolerate any hormonal contraception (my body hates progesterone) and I'm squeamish about coils. And so that leaves condoms... and so we use condoms because another pregnancy would be a disaster. Keep meaning to take steps towards one of us getting sterilised though.

Ask yourself this question OP: are you really OK with the prospect of an unplanned pregnancy, or are you just saying this because you want to carry on with the withdrawal method and need to justify it? Personally, I could never live in a constant state of paranoia that I might be up the duff.

splendide · 08/06/2016 15:15

Correlation and causation seems to be a big issue on here as always.

What do you mean?

DreamInterrupted · 08/06/2016 15:55

My friends have a lovely 3 year old. They used the withdrawal method and her DH was actually shocked when she got pregnant foolishdickhead

seven201 · 08/06/2016 15:57

I know a few withdrawal method accident babies! There is no way I'd use it as a contraceptive method personally. Bit different if you would actually quite like another child though.

BertieBotts · 08/06/2016 15:58

They mean they think people are ascribing importance to anecdotes as opposed to real data, which is true, but it's nothing to do with correlation vs causation.

If anyone is interested in the actual data wikipedia has a lovely big chart with perfect use and typical use failure rates for all known contraceptive types. All sourced and referenced.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comparison_of_birth_control_methods

JacquesHammer · 08/06/2016 16:04

Natural family planning if done correctly is hugely reliable.

That isn't the same thing as the withdrawal method though. The withdrawal method is not reliable.

splendide · 08/06/2016 16:05

Jesus! Condoms have a 22% failure rate?!

splendide · 08/06/2016 16:05

Oh sorry 18%! But still!

splendide · 08/06/2016 16:11

In fact, on the table at the bottom it puts condoms and withdrawal at the same effectiveness.

Osirus · 08/06/2016 16:22

The success rate of withdrawal method is high if used properly. The issue is that a lot of men wouldn't be able to use it properly I.e not pull out in time. There have been studies which show that there is no sperm in pre-ejaculate (pre-cum). The only exception is if the man has recently ejaculated, as explained on a previous post.

AgingJuvenileBinkyHuckaback · 08/06/2016 16:30

Withdrawal and condoms have a similar poor success rate in real life and for identical reasons - people get carried away and don't stick to the method they say they're using. However the success rate for both is going to be higher with sober adults in a LTR than it is for the whole population, which includes drunks, teenagers and people in the first flush of a mad affair.

The OP and her DH have form for being poor users of condoms, but only they know whether they'd be likely to be equally unreliable with the withdrawal method.

KatieHopkinsAteMyHamster99 · 08/06/2016 16:34

DH and I have used withdrawal successful for 20 years. Never got pregnant except when TTC and we have 3 kids. But he has never "slipped up" and not withdrawn.

amigoingabitcrazy · 08/06/2016 16:39

Me and dp tried using withdrawal as a means of contraception for one night... I'm now about to give birth to the result of that one night Grin

(which we are super excited about)

NotAQueef · 08/06/2016 16:41

I'm a great advocate for it. I used withdrawal for ten years or so without incident. Then we decided to try for a baby - were pregnant within 6 weeks.
Used again for 3 1/2 years and then got pregnant first try.
I know this is anecdotal and not data, but it works for us