Withdrawal as a means of contraceptive - reliable/ not reliable....

[ScullyMa]

I know I am probably about to get flamed here and I definitely think I am being less than sensible, but can we have a discussion about the use of withdrawal as a contraceptive?
I've been on the pill - it was a nightmare, I went on the coil - it was worse, dh and I have discussed him having a vasectomy - he isn't keen as not sure we're 'done' with having children and we, when being sensible, use condoms.
Dh is 90% sure he doesn't want another child, I'm very unsure either way but also extremely proud and happy with our two children. When in the 'throes of passion' we have on a number of occasions used withdrawal instead. I think we are being rather silly but it is easy to get carried away in the moment. Can I please have others experiences/ views on withdrawal as a form of contraceptive - how much of a risk am I running? But I have to say I hate condoms and do prefer this method but reading very mixed messages about how reliable it is. If we fell pregnant it wouldn't be a disaster but I would rather if we have another child it is a planned decision not an accident.

Had*

I think the withdrawal method is not only unreliable, but. It's also not fair on your DH if he has to stop himself from ejaculating while inside you. Or even in a condom. I mean you don't have to answer, but do you orgasm during PIV. If yes how would you feel if you were told. You are no longer allowed to orgasm.
Moving on from unfairness. He could get lost in the moment due to the intensely pleasurable experience of ejaculation and forget to pull out.
Also have you never heard of precum.

We used it for years, never got pregnant. My husband is very reliable though and would never have not withdrawn.

It is actually quite effective if used correctly but accidents can happen and it is possible to get pregnant from pre cum. If you aren't prepared for a happy accident use condoms.

It's 100% safe, go for it.....

Are you aware of pre cum???????

I agree it's not the one to use if pregnancy would be disastrous but it's honestly fairly reliable. I'm fertile and we didn't conceive for 10 years using it. The thing is you'll know if it's gone wrong (if you get carried away) and you can get the MAP. I never had to though.

How can using a condom be more unpleasant, than having to interrupt sex for your partner to come somewhere else?

If someone told me that I'd have to basically stop what I was doing a few seconds before orgasm, and then continue towards orgasm in a different and possibly less pleasurable way EVERY SINGLE TIME I HAD SEX, I'd be quite unsatisfied.

But if you're both happy with it then obviously its right for you. Just don't be surprised when you are pregnant.

I actually had to stop and think for a moment if men had more than one hole Baby brain, must be the baby brain.

Pre-cum can get you pregnant... It's better to use condoms! You can get condoms that are thinner for a 'real feel' if that's the issue. Otherwise, the only other contraception is 100% effective against is abstinence.

How reliable? Not very

Have to join in with the people who have used it successfully for years and conceived normally when ttc. Only when a baby wouldnt have been the end of the world though. Know a few other people who have too...

We used Natural Family planning for 3 years between children. I have a very regular cycle and we found it really easy. We knew we wanted a second child we just didn't know when. When we decided the time was right we conceived in the first month but if we had had an accident before then we would have been happy about it. We now know we want no more kids and tried the same method but it's just too risky and I cannot relax so essentially it ended up being the abstinence method! Back to the coil for me!

If another child would be a happy accident then fine.

If you are not in a place to have another child (emotionally, financially, physically) then use something more reliable like condoms.

Obviously the only 100% reliable method is abstinence, but some are better than others

We have used it successfully for 20 years or so. Had three planned and quickly conceived pregnancies in that time.

So it was very reliable for us, but a pregnancy would not have been a disaster.

Interesting the range of responses and others experiences of successfully using it as a method.
Baby wouldn't be end of the world for us, and as I say it is still a debate we have and decided on making a decision early next year about a third or not. As much as I really do think children should be ideally a planned decision, part of me would welcome a happy accident - I have had 7 pregnancies and 2 babies. If we did have another child and I missed all the anx of ttc, will I stay pregnant etc, that'd be better than the active trying (my main reason against having another tbh!).

We do this. We have for the last 16 months. I can't use hormonal contraception, I don't feel like condoms are very intimate and I have to say that we've been fine. I breathe a sigh of relief every month my period rolls around but I couldn't bare being on the pill/coil /patch ever again.

What Daryl said, it doesn't sound like much fun.

I was always taught at school that withdrawal is extremely unreliable. Planning sex around avoiding your fertile window sounds more sensible as well as infinitely more enjoyable.

Planned Parenthood have a good article on the withdrawal method. Basically, it's about 96% effective if used perfectly. This is compared to 98% for perfect condom use.

DH and I used withdrawal for the few months between having my coil taken out and TTC, and we didn't have any mishaps. However, I don't think I'd want to rely on it unless we were planning to have a baby pretty soon anyway.

Just use condoms. It really isn't difficult. You don't lose your mind when aroused.
This aversion to condoms people have is very teenage.

Daryl and Little
Well, if you are confident about the regularity of your cycle, then obviously there are are quite a few days each month when withdrawal is unesscessary. And (newsflash) piv sex isn't the only way for a man to come.

I can vouch for the fact it doesn't work, I got pregnant again when my son was 3 months old... Thought it wouldn't happen to us but it did!

Meh, I feel obligated to say it's very unreliable before I say that that's what we regularly did for 10 yrs and I only got pregnant when we were ttc.

It would have been a happy accident if I had fallen pregnant though and as soon as that wasn't the case, when we has dc3 and we hit the upper limit on how many dc we could comfortably look after, dh got the snip .

My friends used the withdrawal method for 12 years and it worked, then they decided to TTC and managed to get pregnant within six weeks of starting!

DISCLAIMER: Ignore me, it's a terrible idea, these people were just unbelievably lucky.

Natural family planning has resulted in 2 of my 4 kids! The first time it worked for 18 months... Then along came number 3, decided to do it again this time following a fertility app and hello number 4! Husband has had the snip now!