AIBU to be incredibly bothered by neighbours complaint?

[user1465383488]

We have lived in our house very happily for the last thirteen years. For the last five years we have been living next to very fussy neighbours. A couple in their thirties,No kids,no pets ,she does yoga in her garden,bakes from home and cycles around in an old fashioned big wheeled bike with a basket full of fresh bread and flowers.He works all day and seems very quiet. A perfect couple I guess.
We have six children here aged between 8 months and 13 years. The eldest two have special needs (autism /mobility problems)
We've always been super aware of not making noise to annoy anyone . The kids with the SN are in the furthest side of the house so occasional meltdowns have at least four or five walls between them and the neighbours.
Problems started three years ago when she knocked to say one of our dogs barked when I left her to do the school run and disturbed their breakfast . I was apologetic and took steps to stop that..training,plug ins,radio, recorded her etc and it stopped.
Then a few months later she hung out of her window on two mornings shouting at us for closing our gate too loud at 8.45am waking her up as she..and I quote " goes to bed late and has every right to sleep in with her windows wide open and not be disturbed" .
She made my then 8 year old cry and the kids creep out paranoid every morning to the car not daring to even speak.
Then we were putting a small patch of decking down and using a small battery drill to screw the planks in at 6 pm on a Saturday.She pops her head over asking if we could stop as they wanted to have dinner in the garden . And we did 😐
Next week she pops over again asking if we could keep our voices down as she was reading when it was just me,hubby and the two eldest out on the patio planting flowers.
Since then I've been paranoid. I dont let the kids play outside before 10 am or after 6.30 ish. If they're stupidly noisy they get brought in,I took the trampoline down because the neighbour moaned.We don't ever play music, the youngest kids are all in bed before 8 and the big three are quiet then and there's never any noise overnight. I don't ever open our bedroom window incase the baby cries through the night as the neighbours Window next to our room is wide open.
I stand out with the dogs in the morning and night so they don't bark and during the day if they start barking they're called in.When I go out they're in the far side of the house .
I "thought" we were being pretty considerate.
Apparently not.
Last weekend whilst the kids were in the paddling pool playing and actually being pretty quiet tbh both of them flew to the fence and started screaming about how we were ruining their lives, she sits crying at the noise we make. We have no consideration and should be ashamed of ourselves as parents etc. They went completely nuts and I told them we did our best but they didn't believe me, hubby at this point stood up and told them to back off as our kids were watching.
Since then my autistic son hasn't slept, he won't go outside. I am paranoid beyond belief. I won't even let the kids go into the two rooms on the neighbours side in the morning and am making them eat their breakfast in a different room 😐 I'm constantly shhhhhhing and trying to stop my 3 and 4 year olds running around all day and I can't face even letting the little ones play or my dogs outside. I'm even getting hubby to leave work to do the school runs whenever I can so I don't have to leave the dogs incase they bark.
It's causing great stress with me and hubby who thinks we should just ignore them and carry on our lives as we were. He is furious I'm so bothered what they think . I really don't know what to do !

Saying 'Back Off' to them the first time may be difficult - but it actually becomes much easier, especially when you're doing it with an icy calm and not yelling or something. They'll likely retreat quickly after that.

Thankyou everyone for your help.
I'm usually a very very outspoken person but tbh Im in shock that we are affecting their lives to the extent they say we are 😟
I did tell her to get lost and never speak to my kids again the first day she hung out of her bedroom Window complaining about the gate and we've blanked each other ever since.
She complained about the dog barking inside before the extension was built but been much worse since despite it being on the complete opposite side to them.
I'll keep a record and we had a quote of £170 to add some closed trellis onto the fence to raise it.

You're not affecting their lives to that extent. They're doing it to themselves.

OP - don't let this ruin your family's time at home. Your neighbours bought a house- not a whole street. It sounds like you have already made every effort to keep noise to a minimum never mind to a normal level.

Next time she complains tell her that you have checked with council/environmental health and they agree that your nose levels are normal. Tell her if she has any further complaints to contact them directly because her aggression had had a very serious and negative impact on your children, especially those with autism, and that if she does approach you, your husband or your children again you will report her for harassment. Tell you are keeping a log of every incident and are considering cctv.

Please do not pander to her sense of entitlement - people who can't live alongside others need to buy themselves a farm - everyone else just had to learn to deal with their neighbours.

You have indicated that she is at home most of the day - bear in mind it is a possibility that she doesn't work because she had a hidden disability or illness that could be exacerbating her sensitivity to noise levels. I'm not saying that this should in anyway excuse her behaviour or for you to change yours, but to put your mind at rest that this really could be her problem and you guys are doing nowt wrong.

To all those interrogating the OP about her user name - is really tiresome to read passive aggressive posts about "hmmmmm what a coincidence"..If you suspect someone is trolling report don't bore the rest of us with your nancy drew shit.

Your not affecting they're lifes to the extent your neighbour reckons you are OP,she might be sensitive to noise(which is horrible I am since I suffered brain damage)but that doesn't excuse her from being an arsehole who is trying to dictate how you and your family live.

If she has a problem,that problem is hers and it's not of yours or your DC's making.

These people sound barking. I live in what's known here as a "double upper" (so a house divided into two, but both properties having their own front and back doors) and our upstairs neighbours have very different lifestyles to us. We just muddle along, and are considerate of one another - we know they're in bed really early compared to us at nights, so we avoid things like hoovering after 9. Similarly, we like to have a long lie at the weekend, while they get up at the crack of dawn, and they don't go out and mow their lawn at 7am. People make noise, and unless you live in the middle of the country, you just deal with it.

Do not waste your money on fence trellis. really, don't. this might make you feel like you are doing something but it will make bugger all difference. the complaints will carry on. I know this through years and years of experience as to how these things go.

don't lose your temper, don't swear. calmly tell her the things that I have put. don't tell her to back off. just use the broken record technique of keep telling her the same things over and over again.

and keep to your word. if she does it again after the police warning then you have to go to them. your local pcso will be a great point of contact.

there is only one way to tackle this and it is head on - but in a calm and polite way.

If the weathers nice where you are now op go out in the garden with the dcs and a drink and put your feet up. If they say anything tell them that any further complaints go the the local council and will be dealt with that way. That's probably why they haven't complained to them already as they know there being ridiculous and the council will tell them that.

This is ridiculous. Please don't enable these idiots any longer. Calmly tell them you will absolutely not tolerate their harassment any longer. And report them if it continues. So unfair on your children and yourselves. Some great advice offered on this thread , hope you take it.

Next time she pokes her head over fence and "requests" you don't do something. Smile sweetly and say fuck off

Aristototle no they had an extension a year before and we arrived home one day to our whole side of our fence taken down and metal link temporary fencing there. Without anyone asking or considering we had children or dogs. And we didn't even complain 😐
And no we didn't go round and explain what the purpose of the extension we have was tbh we've never really spoken x

I'd smile sweetly at her and tell her to 'put it in writing'. Every time.

Who knows - she just might.

I always found telling people that they would have to declare a formal complaint on sellers details when they come to sell their property by far and away the most effective way to get rid of these types of complaints.

when people realise that they could actually lose money on their house or not sell it at all they tend to back off.

I don't doubt that the noise is affecting her mental health because it does affect some people - even a tiny amount of noise. but that is not your responsibility. her drama not your crisis.

Buy the trellis to keep her nosy face out of your garden!

The term 'give them an inch and they'll take a mile' springs to mind.

You have bent over backwards and been far too nice.

Next time just tell her to fuck off.

Fuck me, if they want utter silence, privacy, and seclusion, they should have bought a detached house in the middle of nowhere.

Being able to hear your neighbours is a part of suburban living, and if you can't handle that, don't live in the suburbs.

Did the people that lived there before them complain?

If not then they are the ones in the wrong and go back to how you were before they moved in, if they don't like it they will move hopefully

All these user names that are 'user987654321' or variations thereof are really unhelpful and confusing, especially at a time when MN is infected with trolls. It's a bit unfortunate, really.

I think that what makes a lovely summer is the sound of children playing and shrieking with joy it puts a smile on your face to hear there happiness it make me all nostalgic of water fights and playing in the paddling pool when I was younger

neverbuythedailymail I do understand that honestly. I have fibro and my children disabilities aren't so obvious at first glance so had considered that.she runs a home baking business making cakes as far as I can gather.

They may also look down on your family because so many people these days have bought into the rhetoric that large families only exist so the parents can live the life of riley out of the taxpayers pocket.

These prats are probably hyper sensitive to any little noise your children make because of their own prejudices towards your family.

Its their problem, not yours.

What a pair of prats, please tell them to fuck off next time, and put in a complaint of harassment, record every complaint etc.

shakirawannabe
No the last neighbours had four kids,two trampolines and had friends over every weekend. Noisy but meant mine could all play too.
There's no neighbour to our right but the four gardens bordering both of ours have families in so its not like we are the only ones with kids .

I think the time has arrived that you start to ignore them, you've pandered to them and stopped normal living sounds.

Everyone expects a modicum level of noise from neighbours, we are pack animals deep down and we tend to live in communities. If you don't want it, then move, simple as that.

All of those telling the OP to tell them to f off next time need to realise that the minute she does this she starts looking unreasonable.

the police could view this as tit for tat harassment.

In RL if you go around telling people to do this then you lose the sympathy of the very people that you need on your side to do something about the harassment ie the police, env health, council etc.