AIBU to be incredibly bothered by neighbours complaint?

[user1465383488]

We have lived in our house very happily for the last thirteen years. For the last five years we have been living next to very fussy neighbours. A couple in their thirties,No kids,no pets ,she does yoga in her garden,bakes from home and cycles around in an old fashioned big wheeled bike with a basket full of fresh bread and flowers.He works all day and seems very quiet. A perfect couple I guess.
We have six children here aged between 8 months and 13 years. The eldest two have special needs (autism /mobility problems)
We've always been super aware of not making noise to annoy anyone . The kids with the SN are in the furthest side of the house so occasional meltdowns have at least four or five walls between them and the neighbours.
Problems started three years ago when she knocked to say one of our dogs barked when I left her to do the school run and disturbed their breakfast . I was apologetic and took steps to stop that..training,plug ins,radio, recorded her etc and it stopped.
Then a few months later she hung out of her window on two mornings shouting at us for closing our gate too loud at 8.45am waking her up as she..and I quote " goes to bed late and has every right to sleep in with her windows wide open and not be disturbed" .
She made my then 8 year old cry and the kids creep out paranoid every morning to the car not daring to even speak.
Then we were putting a small patch of decking down and using a small battery drill to screw the planks in at 6 pm on a Saturday.She pops her head over asking if we could stop as they wanted to have dinner in the garden . And we did 😐
Next week she pops over again asking if we could keep our voices down as she was reading when it was just me,hubby and the two eldest out on the patio planting flowers.
Since then I've been paranoid. I dont let the kids play outside before 10 am or after 6.30 ish. If they're stupidly noisy they get brought in,I took the trampoline down because the neighbour moaned.We don't ever play music, the youngest kids are all in bed before 8 and the big three are quiet then and there's never any noise overnight. I don't ever open our bedroom window incase the baby cries through the night as the neighbours Window next to our room is wide open.
I stand out with the dogs in the morning and night so they don't bark and during the day if they start barking they're called in.When I go out they're in the far side of the house .
I "thought" we were being pretty considerate.
Apparently not.
Last weekend whilst the kids were in the paddling pool playing and actually being pretty quiet tbh both of them flew to the fence and started screaming about how we were ruining their lives, she sits crying at the noise we make. We have no consideration and should be ashamed of ourselves as parents etc. They went completely nuts and I told them we did our best but they didn't believe me, hubby at this point stood up and told them to back off as our kids were watching.
Since then my autistic son hasn't slept, he won't go outside. I am paranoid beyond belief. I won't even let the kids go into the two rooms on the neighbours side in the morning and am making them eat their breakfast in a different room 😐 I'm constantly shhhhhhing and trying to stop my 3 and 4 year olds running around all day and I can't face even letting the little ones play or my dogs outside. I'm even getting hubby to leave work to do the school runs whenever I can so I don't have to leave the dogs incase they bark.
It's causing great stress with me and hubby who thinks we should just ignore them and carry on our lives as we were. He is furious I'm so bothered what they think . I really don't know what to do !

I used to be an eho. what you are describing is not a statutory noise nuisance under the criteria laid down by the act or case law.

Your neighbour is super sensitive to noise. some people are and they go out of their ways to make the lives of other normal people a complete and total misery.

you have to man up to this and you have to do it fast.

the next time the head goes over the fence. walk over and calmly and quietly tell her the facts.

1. you are a normal household making a normal amount of noise.
2. if she complains to env health not only will she make herself look stupid but she will have to declare the complaint on sellers details when she sells up because ....
3. that is her only option. to move.
4. if she doesn't take this option then the very next time she complains to you, you will go to the police for harassment.

you have been far, far too accommodating. her drama about noise should not become your crisis.

nothing you do NOTHING will ever be quiet enough for her so stop trying and start dealing with her.

I have seen this situation literally hundreds of times in my working career and the only way to put a stop to it is to be firm and not put up with her crap. if you do nothing, this will never ever stop.

They would have blown it with me with the decent family comment.

If you are going to pay for anything make it a higher fence to stop them attempting to harass you over the fence and if Mrs Yoga tries yelling at you or intimidating the kids again inform her you've had enough of her harassment and will be contacting the authorities if she doesn't start behaving like a DECENT human being and quit the harassment.

omg thats bad. you cant carry on like that op. let your kids play. and do the normal things familys do. if they want things to be that quite then they should live in a filed. i have 6 kids. plus visitors. one side of me has 5 kids. i would never stop my kids playing at a reasonable time of day. put the trampoline back up to :) ignore neightbour. nothing they can do about

user if you want to reply to a specific comment, put the username of the poster in bold (you get bold by putting *'s either side of the text you want to make bold) and then answer.

Have you tried calling the non-emergency police number and asking their advice? I've found them incredibly helpful when we've had neighbour issues - I guess they'd rather provide advice at an early point than have to intervene once it all goes wrong.

Space unicorn

Space unicorn nope I've only just registered to post this ..wasn't me on another thread

How odd that your usernames are almost identical. confused

Someone far cleverer than me could probably work out the statistical likelihood of such a strange coincidence.

Good luck with your neighbours smile

It's the user name you are allocated when you register on the welcome email.I haven't changed it to one of my own yet. I'm not quite sure what the significance is?

Ignore them? Oh no, i wouldn't ignore them. This is bordering on harassment, call your council to double check 'acceptable noise' (which all of this WILL be) and then lodge a complaint about THEM to the police!!!

Horrid, horrid people. Your poor children!

Next time she rears her entitled head over the fence fling organic, gluten-free health health bars at her or twat her with a yoga mat. Or better yet, join in her al fresco yoga sessions but tell her naked yoga is the only way to truly be at one with the universe, doncha know?

Seriously though they sound like they want to be free-spirited, earth-lover types but are actually uptight twats that cannot bear it when someone encroaches on their fake serenity.

Only one way to deal with them, tell them to fuck off, repeatedly. I'm coming to the UK next month and will be more than happy to come round amd do it for you. Also, dont let your kids feel nervous in their own home, they have just as much right to exist as these failed hippies.

Paradise lost or fields of the nephilim at volume 30.

And please move in next to us.

As long as your dog will put up with a little fuss from my 3 year old.
And maybe we can synchronise meltdowns?

I assumed the general rules for gardens (unwritten, but sort of accepted...)

No screaming
No noisy play before 7:30
Or after about 8 in the evening

No noisy diy or garden machines at those times either

If you see your neighbour has washing out, let them know you are starting your bbq or bonfire.

Anything else is fair game. For making some noise and putting up with some...

Last weekend whilst the kids were in the paddling pool playing and actually being pretty quiet tbh both of them flew to the fence and started screaming about how we were ruining their lives, she sits crying at the noise we make. We have no consideration and should be ashamed of ourselves as parents etc. They went completely nuts and I told them we did our best but they didn't believe me, hubby at this point stood up and told them to back off as our kids were watching.

Wow. They should try living next to MY neighbours.

First thing you need to do is keep a record of EVERY SINGLE ISSUE they create - what is said, when, to who and what was going on at the time.

If you can record your kids playing in their own garden etc to gaguege the sound levels and back you up then all the better - NOTE - do NOT record your neighbours. You only want an example of how your kids play normally.

If they are housing exec or association then you can complain to them about it directly. Likewise if they rent you can speak totheir landlord.

Otherwise you are going to have to deal with the police. This is where you evidence needs to be in place - so keep records.

Also, DON'T pander to them. Continue on as normally as any other family would. They moved in knowing there were kids, if they don't like it tough.

In terms of their issue with noise - unless it's before 8am or after 11pm there's very little that they can have issue with regarding general noise - this includes parties etc - so if you are, for instance, having a BBQ then it's fine noise wise.

Sound from the likes of DIY or building is usually considered reasonable until about 8pm.

Basically you rbneighbours don't have a leg to stand on and the fact that they haven't made a complaint to Environmental health suggests they know this.

But think about it - why SHOULD you keep your kids in the house in silence in glorious weather just so these two can have a quiet dinner in their garden?

Don't pander. Don't worry about the noise if it's reasonable and record everything. What they are doing is harassment and that incident where they were both at the fence is troubling - especially as it was infront of your kids and has frightened them.

Get your evidence together and get your ass down to the police station asap.

Generally, if you want to reply on the thread, you put the user's name inside * like Decaff * but without the spaces. If you want to private message someone, click the three little dots at the bottom of their post and the options come up. Hth (hope that helps)

As for your situation, I agree with your husband, they're being ridiculous. Of course it's good practice to not let dogs bark endlessly but reasonable neighbour noise is normal and to be expected. Ignore them, or write a letter telling them to back off.

Stop pandering and giving into them OP,do it for your DC sakes if you can't to do it for your own.

We have 5DC,2 of our DC are autistic and I'm disabled myself.You will make yourself ill and your DC will grow up very nervous if you keep changing everything you do and keep forcing your DC to constantly change what they're doing to apease the very obvious arseholes that have moved in next to you.

You were there first,they would have known they were moving in next to a household with children,if they don't like it they can move.

If your DC want the trampolene and you don't mind them using it put it back up!Let them play in the garden from 9am that's a sociable time and don't stop them from playing out there till 8pm I would say when the weathers nice.That's what we do with our 5DC and we get no complaints!

Stop making your DH do the school runs so someone is always home!This is your house,your home not a prison cell!

If they start again tell them to report it!Your local council will not have ago at you or fine you or side with your neighbours over every day living noises especially those one's caused by a child/children!
All councils have allowances in place now for ordinary every day noise that is made by children!
Let them report it,they'll soon get a shock then,the council will do nothing to you or your family.

Would you like to houseswap for a week? We also have six kids and your neughbours will LOVE you when you come home.

SpaceUnicorn MN can give you a default username. It's not surprising the numbers are close if both posters registered recently

I expect the 'decent' family she's referred to have already told her to fuck off.

This woman is a bully and you need to stand up for yourself. Its very difficult if you're not that way inclined but clearly acceding to her every whim has got you nowhere. I would write to her clearly stating your case. Your original post is very clearly worded - you could copy that and add any further information you feel relevant. I would close the letter by saying that, due to the upset caused to your children, you will not be conversing with her again and that if she has anything to say it must be in writing. Hopefully she will think twice about what she has to say if its down in writing. If she continues with her onslaught I would take the correspondence to the Citizens' Advice Bureau and see if they can help.

I hope that everything goes well for you x

The "decent family" comment shows them for just what they are - horrible people who will never be happy no matter what you do.

Its a shame that environmental health won't help without an actual complaint - could you get your nice neighbours from the other side to pretend to make a complaint? Then you could throw that report describing what is normal family noise in the silly cows face. You have an absolute right to enjoy your home and garden without living in fear. They are the ones with the problem - they should move!!

YABU to pander to their utter nonsense.

Tell them they are free to move and you will not stop your children making reasonable noise. Then let them run loose. They have every right to enjoy their garden. If your neighbours want quiet to read and sleep, then they can go in their house with the bloody windows shut. Twats.

Stop pandering to them. Stop listening to them and carry on living a normal life. It's affecting your children now which isn't on. And I'm sorry but you have done that by pandering to such stupid requests from fuckwits. Listen to your DH.

OP I sympathise completely I also have very fussy batshit neighbours. (wont go into it here - too identifying).

You shouldn't be making DCs eat their breakfast in a different room though that is your home.

Get a notebook and write down every occasion so far they have complained with specifics ie when, where and what about.

Start a log of any new incidents with specifics.

Do not engage them when they complain.

If they become aggressive take children inside and go back out when they leave fence.

Report to police when you have five occasions this happens and certainly if anything is aimed towards your children with special needs.

Carry on your life as normal ie let children play and enjoy life.

Our dd deputy said to report our neighbour to police if she said anything else about our dd who has sn as it can be classed as harassment.

Stop worrying u r not doing anything wrong!! 😃

And remember - not all neighbours are like this. You've just drawn a short straw this time.

What were the previous people like?

Oh my god, they are fucking awful.

OP, please don't stop living your life because of these people (and I say this as someone with a noisy family next door!). You and your children have the right to enjoy your home just as much as these pricks do.

If they kick off when you're in the garden (kicking off at you planting flowers ffs!) just calmly respond with "and we are entitled to enjoy our garden too".

That comment about sleeping in late... Fucking hell. If she comes out with that shit again I'd be responding with "yes, and it's absolutely your decision to go to bed late".

I agree with pp on this, I think they're judging your family and I think it's horrible. If they come at you again make sure you tell them exactly what you've done. And I would even maybe tell them how miserable this is making you.

And meant to say, we have just one son, who has ASD. We are in a semi, and live next to a nosy kindly woman. One day very shortly after his diagnosis, while he was having a major episode and throwing the furniture around his room while screaming blue murder, she knocked on the door. I think she was concerned that I was beating him .

Anyway, once DH was home from work I popped around to explain what was happening, and she told me that she had worked with children with ASD in the past, and we had a little chat.

The only time we see her popping her head over the back fence is when she hears DS playing out there and wants to have a friendly chat with him.

Because that's how decent people behave.

Ah thanks.

You need to tell them to fuck right off. That's ridiculous.

They need to move to the middle of the countryside if they want to live in complete silence.

space
i think the OP'S user name is one of the computer generated ones through the app that's why there are a few similar ones?