AIBU to be incredibly bothered by neighbours complaint?

[user1465383488]

We have lived in our house very happily for the last thirteen years. For the last five years we have been living next to very fussy neighbours. A couple in their thirties,No kids,no pets ,she does yoga in her garden,bakes from home and cycles around in an old fashioned big wheeled bike with a basket full of fresh bread and flowers.He works all day and seems very quiet. A perfect couple I guess.
We have six children here aged between 8 months and 13 years. The eldest two have special needs (autism /mobility problems)
We've always been super aware of not making noise to annoy anyone . The kids with the SN are in the furthest side of the house so occasional meltdowns have at least four or five walls between them and the neighbours.
Problems started three years ago when she knocked to say one of our dogs barked when I left her to do the school run and disturbed their breakfast . I was apologetic and took steps to stop that..training,plug ins,radio, recorded her etc and it stopped.
Then a few months later she hung out of her window on two mornings shouting at us for closing our gate too loud at 8.45am waking her up as she..and I quote " goes to bed late and has every right to sleep in with her windows wide open and not be disturbed" .
She made my then 8 year old cry and the kids creep out paranoid every morning to the car not daring to even speak.
Then we were putting a small patch of decking down and using a small battery drill to screw the planks in at 6 pm on a Saturday.She pops her head over asking if we could stop as they wanted to have dinner in the garden . And we did 😐
Next week she pops over again asking if we could keep our voices down as she was reading when it was just me,hubby and the two eldest out on the patio planting flowers.
Since then I've been paranoid. I dont let the kids play outside before 10 am or after 6.30 ish. If they're stupidly noisy they get brought in,I took the trampoline down because the neighbour moaned.We don't ever play music, the youngest kids are all in bed before 8 and the big three are quiet then and there's never any noise overnight. I don't ever open our bedroom window incase the baby cries through the night as the neighbours Window next to our room is wide open.
I stand out with the dogs in the morning and night so they don't bark and during the day if they start barking they're called in.When I go out they're in the far side of the house .
I "thought" we were being pretty considerate.
Apparently not.
Last weekend whilst the kids were in the paddling pool playing and actually being pretty quiet tbh both of them flew to the fence and started screaming about how we were ruining their lives, she sits crying at the noise we make. We have no consideration and should be ashamed of ourselves as parents etc. They went completely nuts and I told them we did our best but they didn't believe me, hubby at this point stood up and told them to back off as our kids were watching.
Since then my autistic son hasn't slept, he won't go outside. I am paranoid beyond belief. I won't even let the kids go into the two rooms on the neighbours side in the morning and am making them eat their breakfast in a different room 😐 I'm constantly shhhhhhing and trying to stop my 3 and 4 year olds running around all day and I can't face even letting the little ones play or my dogs outside. I'm even getting hubby to leave work to do the school runs whenever I can so I don't have to leave the dogs incase they bark.
It's causing great stress with me and hubby who thinks we should just ignore them and carry on our lives as we were. He is furious I'm so bothered what they think . I really don't know what to do !

I would take so much pleasure in telling them to get over themselves, OP YANBU. They are lucky they live next to someone as passive as you, must people would have told them to go fuck themselves when this all started, me included.

There is no point trying to understand them. Some people just wont like you. Thats it.

Just carry on and make noise and if they say anything, give them a card with the number from environmental health and tell him bring it up with them.

And then go out in the sunshine and let your kids enjoy themselves.

I believe the words Off & Fuck were made for occasions such as this, please use in any combination.

Seriously not they've made it obvious that it's personal; I would write a letter so there is a paper trail, point out that you are as entitled to enjoy your property, that you have spoken to Environmental Health and they agree that the noise is that of normal life and that any further complaint will be considered as harassment and reported to the police.

And do it.

They're bullies who have been let away with it for too long

Your latest update has me fuming for you OP!

In the nicest possible way, you need to toughen up with them. It's your home and your garden and you have every right to use it reasonably. Having a trampoline in the garden is reasonable, noise from children playing is reasonable, your gate making a sound at 8:45am is reasonable!

Start using your home the way you want to right now. Then next time they decide to start on you, have a little speech ready in your head.... something like 'my family have every right to enjoy our home and garden without having to worry about offending you. If you continue to harass us we will take legal action". Then walk away, do not discuss, do not get into an argument. You can't reason with twats.

It's no coincidence that their completely unreasonable behaviour started around the time, or just after, your extension was built. It sounds to me that they don't enjoy living next door to a family with children. Once you had the extension built, it was obvious you were there to stay so their hate campaign started - that's what it is. How else do explain their irrational rantings and requests? And until you put a line in the sand and stand up to them they are winning.

Get a notebook and log every incident, include date and time and which of them it is. Next time anything is said ask them to stop harassing you as you and your family are entitled to get on with normal family life without their constant interruptions and demands. If they persist after you have asked them to stop harassing you then contact your neighbourhood policing team.

It sounds as though your husband is happy to tell them to back off - so get him to do it - let him be 'caveman husband' / 'family protector' etc. - as others have said the more they have pushed you the more you have given, so now to push it is ridiculous... - time to push back and rebalance it - get the MN collective to write you a letter - stating simply, clearly and non-emotionally how you will live - in accordance with the law, considerately etc. - but if they find that living next door to a family with children is not suiting them, perhaps they might be happier elsewhere...

Then every time they complain, just say NO. just that and keep repeating it - No, No, No until they get the hint that you are not there to do what they tell you to do...

Poor you! Some people are very noise sensitive ( I am), but tough. Your family is entitled to a normal life. Your neighbours sound like bullies - stand up to them now firmly and calmly and I bet they'll back off.

Get or borrow a for sale board. Put it up in their front garden.

YABU - there's no way I'd go to even nearly such great lengths to keep the noise down in my own home to avoid upsetting a neighbour!

They are clearly incredibly selfish and unreasonable people who are in fact ruining YOUR lives. It is completely ridiculous to have a problem with children playing or you doing DIY/gardening in your own garden. No doubt they'd also be complaining if you didn't and the garden was a mess.

Can you hear her crying about how awful living next to you is? If you can I would go round there sharpish and complain that it's distressing your SN DC / waking the baby / you can't hear your TV over the noise / causing the dog to bark / making your life a living hell. Same when they get their lawn mower out.

Seriously though, your DH is right, if you're going to this much trouble and they're still complaining then I would just not bother, make as much noise as is 'normal' and ignore them. Also re-instate your trampoline! With any luck they'll move house soon. If not I should see if any of your DCs would like a drum kit, that should do the trick

Good luck and I know it's difficult but try not to let them stress you out - and especially not cause friction between you and DH. Ultimately you have tried to respect the neighbours - but they clearly are not reciprocating and there's probably not much you can do about that.

This isn't fair on you and your family. You're entitled to live as a normal family, which includes talking in and out of your home, dog barking occasionally, children playing, leaving the house for the school run etc. As the others have said, you've given in to their unreasonable demands. Stop doing this. If they complain, tell them they are harassing you and your family and if it continues you will take legal advice. Then each time they complain, say sorry you feel this way, but if they have a problem feel free to contact EH. Then make a note of their complaint noting, time and place.

I hope it gets better for you.

They won't be satisfied with anything so stop being accommodating.

I hate noisy kids but kids in a paddling pool in the back garden is something to celebrate (yay a sunny day) and part of living in the world.

Can you put up a higher fence or grow something to stop them shouting over the fence and frightening the kids.

Space unicorn nope I've only just registered to post this ..wasn't me on another thread.
How do I reply to people's comments directly?😕 Help please anyone.

Well if OP was there first - then what on earth would possess someone who treasures their peace and quiet to move next door to a large family

They are clearly nuts and should not be pandered to - do not limit your families enjoyment for them - they could have chosen any house - they chose one next to what they knew was a large family -

Let them take their silly pushbike and f*ck off - if they are rude about your children again report them to the police

My neighbours are total knobheads (think parties that go on til 4am at full volume etc)

I am totally getting my own back this summer. Whilst they're trying to enjoy their new posh open plan kitchen/decking area etc etc..I'm fully encouraging my children to be as loud as possible outside

You sound really considerate and they sound like dickheads. Enough. Stop pandering to them. Get angry back. Continue with their lives. As someone said, if they wanted total quiet, should have bought a house in the middle of nowhere with no neighbours.

Put the trampoline back - it will be useful for all the DCs and probably especially the SN DCs to have that exercise.

Let them play normally in the garden. They are children enjoying the right to peaceful enjoyment of their own home.

Chatter as you leave the house in the morning if it is after 8am. That is normal family life (whether a family of 6 or a family of 2 - DH and I chatter as we leave at 7.30 and DD constantly runs out to give us extra hugs before going back in to the minder to finish breakfast - our neighbours have NEVER complained).

Just don't engage with them on it - start back to normal family operations. And IF they say anything (ok - when!), remind them that everyone has the right to peaceful enjoyment of their home and everyone must make allowances for the fact that they are not living in a bubble. If they need so much silence, they need to become hermits living in a remote area far from other people and traffic (and will probably still be very disturbed by the wildlife!!).

I think you have been too considerate and in doing so have enabled them to think their requests are acceptable.
You need to be strong and take back control. Decide what you consider to be reasonable and stick to those rules. Tell your neighbours to make a complaint to environmental health and let them deal with it.

As others have said keep a record of all their complaints towards you and your children and also when you have made noise - we all have the right to. So if your children do slam a door or shout in the garden to a degree you would probably ask them to be quieter anyway - just note it down.

Your husband has the right idea - it sounds to me you might be someone who avoids confrontation - you need to discover your inner rebel and tell them to do one!!!

I think you've done a lot to be a good neighbour to them

And this is coming from someone who doesn't have children and likes peace... Get on with living your lives. You've done so much to be thoughtful, placement of rooms etc but you can't stop dogs barking or children playing and having fun nor should you that's all acceptable noise from living your lives.. I don't think playing out at 6.30pm is late, DIY on a Saturday at 6pm is more than reasonable (rather that then start at 6am) and DIY is temporary noise that has to happen from time to time..

I think you shouldnt Fret so much now about it.. Continue to Be considerate where you can ( don't agree with become neighbours from hell like some suggestions) but not so that you are all afraid to live your lives xxx

They'd just find another 'cause' there, Star. They've got to have something to talk to each other about, after all.

Go round and ask to speak to her... Therefore you resume living as a normal respectful family and will not be available to hear any further noise complaints... you will not accept further bullying or aggression.

I totally agree with this. I'd only add that you should invite them to contact the council if they feel the need to complain about you again.

And stop pandering to them –don't worry about making tiny amounts of noise at perfectly reasonable hours.

I don't like noise so we moved to the middle of nowhere. Your neighbours should do likewise. Wanting quiet is fine, imposing it on your perfectly normal neighbours and their children is bullying.