AIBU to be incredibly bothered by neighbours complaint?

[user1465383488]

We have lived in our house very happily for the last thirteen years. For the last five years we have been living next to very fussy neighbours. A couple in their thirties,No kids,no pets ,she does yoga in her garden,bakes from home and cycles around in an old fashioned big wheeled bike with a basket full of fresh bread and flowers.He works all day and seems very quiet. A perfect couple I guess.
We have six children here aged between 8 months and 13 years. The eldest two have special needs (autism /mobility problems)
We've always been super aware of not making noise to annoy anyone . The kids with the SN are in the furthest side of the house so occasional meltdowns have at least four or five walls between them and the neighbours.
Problems started three years ago when she knocked to say one of our dogs barked when I left her to do the school run and disturbed their breakfast . I was apologetic and took steps to stop that..training,plug ins,radio, recorded her etc and it stopped.
Then a few months later she hung out of her window on two mornings shouting at us for closing our gate too loud at 8.45am waking her up as she..and I quote " goes to bed late and has every right to sleep in with her windows wide open and not be disturbed" .
She made my then 8 year old cry and the kids creep out paranoid every morning to the car not daring to even speak.
Then we were putting a small patch of decking down and using a small battery drill to screw the planks in at 6 pm on a Saturday.She pops her head over asking if we could stop as they wanted to have dinner in the garden . And we did 😐
Next week she pops over again asking if we could keep our voices down as she was reading when it was just me,hubby and the two eldest out on the patio planting flowers.
Since then I've been paranoid. I dont let the kids play outside before 10 am or after 6.30 ish. If they're stupidly noisy they get brought in,I took the trampoline down because the neighbour moaned.We don't ever play music, the youngest kids are all in bed before 8 and the big three are quiet then and there's never any noise overnight. I don't ever open our bedroom window incase the baby cries through the night as the neighbours Window next to our room is wide open.
I stand out with the dogs in the morning and night so they don't bark and during the day if they start barking they're called in.When I go out they're in the far side of the house .
I "thought" we were being pretty considerate.
Apparently not.
Last weekend whilst the kids were in the paddling pool playing and actually being pretty quiet tbh both of them flew to the fence and started screaming about how we were ruining their lives, she sits crying at the noise we make. We have no consideration and should be ashamed of ourselves as parents etc. They went completely nuts and I told them we did our best but they didn't believe me, hubby at this point stood up and told them to back off as our kids were watching.
Since then my autistic son hasn't slept, he won't go outside. I am paranoid beyond belief. I won't even let the kids go into the two rooms on the neighbours side in the morning and am making them eat their breakfast in a different room 😐 I'm constantly shhhhhhing and trying to stop my 3 and 4 year olds running around all day and I can't face even letting the little ones play or my dogs outside. I'm even getting hubby to leave work to do the school runs whenever I can so I don't have to leave the dogs incase they bark.
It's causing great stress with me and hubby who thinks we should just ignore them and carry on our lives as we were. He is furious I'm so bothered what they think . I really don't know what to do !

I'm sorry to be so frank , just tell the precious twats to fuck off and get a life.

So you have six children, two with special needs and they have none.

Have they ever offered to help you in any way? Offer to babysit and give you and your husband a child free evening now and then?

If not, Metallica at volume 11, followed by Lou Reed's album "Hudson River Wind Meditations" on loop.

Give them something for these uptight and selfish people to really complain about!

If you hadnt described them at the beginning I'd think you were living next door to my mother.

They are being totally unreasonable. NOTHING you have described would have been considered a problem if they called the council. I know. My mother calls the counci on everyone and the council thinks she is cracked. They are right. Maybe the dog barking might be considered a problem but only if it's persistent and their story is corroborated by other neighbors and the dog is being neglected.

Sorry to be harsh but you need to straighten up your spine and tell them to fuck off next time they even start to open their mouths. Tell them you have 2 special needs children and 4 others and you ALL are fed up to the hilt with living next to such unpleasant people. Tell them in no uncertain terms that your children will be playing and enjoying their garden and talking inside and outside the house at a normal volume from now on and will be in the garden and in the house with the windows open between the hours of 8am and 10pm and if they don't like it they can call the council and they can explain the concept of REASONABLE noise and what they consider to be a nuisance. If what you have described is the truth then I am pretty sure the council will tell them they are being unreasonable.

Xxxxxxx

OP - you are being far too accommodating - that's part of the problem.

You have every right to engage in activities with reasonable acceptable noise levels between the hours of 7am and 11pm - every day - weekend or not.

as long as noise levels are not excessive or mindblowingly repetitive:
Children playing in a garden would be considered acceptable.
Dogs barking now and again would be considered acceptable.
Entering/leaving premises as and when necessary would be considered acceptable.
Living your lives within your own home would be considered acceptable.

I would send the letter you posted on this thread.
I would discontinue altering my family life for anyone.
I would ensure my kids understand that they can make as much noise as they like as long as it's what is usually acceptable during play and every day life. Obviously, excessive screaming etc is not acceptable but I'm guessing your kids know this.

I would keep a diary of every interaction with this odious couple. And I mean keep a diary - every comment, complaint, harassment etc.

I would also have a BBQ every Saturday from now until end of September and each week I'd invite different friends to enjoy the garden and jubilations with.

Every Saturday afternoon I would blast my music and dance around with the kids

Every Sunday morning, I'd have breakfast outside, weather permitting.

And I would ignore everything they say or do - apart from the diary. Once you have a nice full list of outrageous, bullying behaviour, I would engage a solicitor and have them draft a formal letter threatening further legal action unless things change. I would also mention that if they every remove or touch any of your property ever again without your prior permission, you will take legal action.

Oh, and the Saturday BBQs - I'd invite them every time

Yanbu. Definitely write the letter so they know not to bother you when you return to normal, considerate noise levels rather than tiptoeing around!

I had complaints from a neighbour of one of my tenants like this. The tenant was considerate and going about her day to day life with her son, but neighbour was irrational, wanted to arrange times they tenant would go out so she could have peace etc she was told in no uncertain terms to stop harassing my tenant. She moved out shortly after, hopefully to a house on a deserted island so she could be in peace!

As everyone else has said, ignore them. Don't let the neighbours make you feel small or humiliated at having a young family. Put the trampoline back up and let your children play normally. Your DCs will get stressed if you show that you're stressed so keep calm and put on a strong brave face and ignore your weird neighbours. If they don't like having you for neighbours they can move. You sound a lovely family.

Keep an event diary.
Dont apologise to them and dont write to them.
Dont initiate contact at all.

By law you can make pretty much as much noise as you want until 11pm at night! Fuck them, totally agree with realitycheque you are being too nice and it all needs to stop. Hopefully they'll hate the "noise" and feck off to live elsewhere! Don't put your lives on hold for these wankers anymore!!!!

Ask if perfect neighbour would like to take a bicycle ride (basket loaded with fresh bread and flowers ) round to my house, and spend a week here. sorry, that image puts me in mind of a 1990s feminine hygiene ad.

I share a courtyard with 3 other people, peaceably, until the last bloke moved in. He HATES me. My crime was to replace the ugly, saggy plastic washing line with... a retractable one! Checked with everyone, including him, if it was OK to do so. I found the newly installed washing line smashed to pieces, outside my back door, along with stuff that the people who lived in his house before him had left behind, thrown with enough force to shatter one of my plant pots.

Now, whenever I'm in the garden/knows I'm at home he opens all his windows, points his speakers at the open windows, and plays the same songs repeatedly. One of which has a lyric of "bodies in the grave yard", knowing full well my DH died less than a year ago. This can go on until 3am. He was also filming the residents whilst in our courtyard, but a call to 101 put a stop to that.

I've been advised to keep a diary of events, and urge you to do the same OP. You have the right to enjoy your home without being bullied.

It's shit having bullies as neighbours.

Read must of the thread thinking they are bullies until you mentioned windows having to be open every day. My mum sleeps with window ajar, many do. But I also have a colleague who has to have windows open every day or she feels trapped - she's bipolar. We do sit in the office shivering a lot.
If your neighbour does have mental health issues nothing you do or don't do will make any difference - you have to live your life as do your kids.
I'd also point out that it's not in her interest to cause a rift because she'll have declare it, and how 'unreasonable' you neighbours are to potential buyers if they try to sell (assuming they own) and you certainly won't be moving soon.
Agree with others that you have to maintain the moral high ground, stay civil and calm etc.

Your husband is right. Don't ruin your children's lives for the sake of two stuck up people! You'll never please everyone, so just do what makes you and your family happy. I can't wait for your neighbours to have children, I hope you knock everytime they breathe.

Second thought was maybe they're having fertility problems. Again not your fault, they're still totally unreasonable, but might explain attitude to you with six kids compared to neighbours at the back.

"The perfect couple, I guess". Whaaat?
This dysfunctional pair of loonies!
Honestly, who rides an old bike around with a basket carrier full of home baked bread and flowers?! These people need to live their idyllic dream somewhere remote, isolated, eg. Siberia. Or they could be pictured in a jigsaw or biscuit tin.
Seriously, you really must totally ignore them and remember:: YOU are a normal, lovely family - they most certainly are NOT!!! 🍀

Seriously send them to live next to me and my faeking huge footed clumsy and totally fantastic but very noisy at times son. Especially when we are having a dance around the living room evening

EveryoneElsie
This:
Keep an event diary.
Dont apologise to them and dont write to them.
Dont initiate contact at all.

I agree very much with this. Let them hang themselves with their own rope.

I think the neighbour seems bitter as fuq about having landed in a council estate (no offence OP, I am from a council estate myself, and fairly indecent) when in her mind she should be picking olives on her estate in Tuscany. Nothing grips my shit MORE than airy fairy warty types on Dutch bikes who are as viscous and inflexible as workhouse nuns. Gah if you need me to come round and punch her in the throat please lemme know. I joke, of course.

Wafty that should have said, but I like the autocorrect version more.

Yanbu! You are being very considerate and she's being completely unreasonable. You have taken every step to ensure you're not bothering the neighbours and have stopped the diy when she asked you. Although you didn't need to. You are perfectly within your rights to make noise till 11pm in the eyes of the law. I'd personally say 8pm is more reasonable. Tough shit if she wants to read or have dinner in the garden.
Next time she says anything tell her you don't want to cause any bad feeling but she is being unreasonable. You have kids. They make noise. If she doesn't like it she should go and buy a house in the country atleast a mile from any other houses.

Ignore them and live your live, they are being totally unreasonable. If you are as bad as they say they will move. They are probably trying to make you move so they can "get a family without kids". Just keep living your life and if they say anything tell them to report you and take it from there. I'm sorry but a family with kids make noise.

Buy them some earplugs!

Your neighbour is the one with the problem. She is actually being a nuisance and a problem to YOU... not the other way round. She clearly has some kind of ocd problem, and is unhappy about something in her life, WHICH IS SAD, BUT... it is not your problem. We all should be considerate of others, but she isn't. She expects the world to revolve around her, and by pussy footing around her unreasonable demands, you have inadvertantly reinforced her opinion of her place in the world. She is actually the one out of step here, and her constant barracking and harrassing of yourself and your children is out of order. I would calmly tell her that you are enjoying a NORMAL family life. She belongs in a croft in the highlands somewhere.... where she would probably complain about the noise of the sheep. Seriously, she is the problem, not you.

These are the most selfish neighbours I have ever come across... My advice, is not to worry about it. In fact, being a bit immature myself, would have The Prodigy every breakfast to get the day going and take it from there.

Don't let these people ruin your lives!

Absolutely you need to inform 101 police re their harassment and the way they make life difficult for and scare children with disabilities. Inform every authority you can think of. And I'll go down to the beach and throw two pebbles representing this couple in the sea and I'll say a prayer while throwing them that God will take these people away from you. (I received a miracle doing that before.) What they are doing is wicked and against the law. Could any lawyer reading this thread advise you? I do know you need to list dates and times.

It sounds to me like you've been entirely reasonable. They presumably knew there were a lot of kids in your house when they bought they house, it's not like you hid them under the stairs on purpose. Most people enjoy the sounds of happy children playing -- I would hazard a guess that things aren't quite so perfect on the other side of the fence, and that too much joy and normality are bursting her bubble.

Which is NOT your problem. Ignore them. Be happy.

I think you've been accommodating to a fault...
I'd be tempted to return to your pre edited state.
Don't be an idiot(you sound very sensible) but don't creep around.
They will hopefully wish to 'cope' elsewhere an move.
You can always dream!
Much sympathy for you here. They sound hideous.