AIBU to be incredibly bothered by neighbours complaint?

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We have lived in our house very happily for the last thirteen years. For the last five years we have been living next to very fussy neighbours. A couple in their thirties,No kids,no pets ,she does yoga in her garden,bakes from home and cycles around in an old fashioned big wheeled bike with a basket full of fresh bread and flowers.He works all day and seems very quiet. A perfect couple I guess.
We have six children here aged between 8 months and 13 years. The eldest two have special needs (autism /mobility problems)
We've always been super aware of not making noise to annoy anyone . The kids with the SN are in the furthest side of the house so occasional meltdowns have at least four or five walls between them and the neighbours.
Problems started three years ago when she knocked to say one of our dogs barked when I left her to do the school run and disturbed their breakfast . I was apologetic and took steps to stop that..training,plug ins,radio, recorded her etc and it stopped.
Then a few months later she hung out of her window on two mornings shouting at us for closing our gate too loud at 8.45am waking her up as she..and I quote " goes to bed late and has every right to sleep in with her windows wide open and not be disturbed" .
She made my then 8 year old cry and the kids creep out paranoid every morning to the car not daring to even speak.
Then we were putting a small patch of decking down and using a small battery drill to screw the planks in at 6 pm on a Saturday.She pops her head over asking if we could stop as they wanted to have dinner in the garden . And we did 😐
Next week she pops over again asking if we could keep our voices down as she was reading when it was just me,hubby and the two eldest out on the patio planting flowers.
Since then I've been paranoid. I dont let the kids play outside before 10 am or after 6.30 ish. If they're stupidly noisy they get brought in,I took the trampoline down because the neighbour moaned.We don't ever play music, the youngest kids are all in bed before 8 and the big three are quiet then and there's never any noise overnight. I don't ever open our bedroom window incase the baby cries through the night as the neighbours Window next to our room is wide open.
I stand out with the dogs in the morning and night so they don't bark and during the day if they start barking they're called in.When I go out they're in the far side of the house .
I "thought" we were being pretty considerate.
Apparently not.
Last weekend whilst the kids were in the paddling pool playing and actually being pretty quiet tbh both of them flew to the fence and started screaming about how we were ruining their lives, she sits crying at the noise we make. We have no consideration and should be ashamed of ourselves as parents etc. They went completely nuts and I told them we did our best but they didn't believe me, hubby at this point stood up and told them to back off as our kids were watching.
Since then my autistic son hasn't slept, he won't go outside. I am paranoid beyond belief. I won't even let the kids go into the two rooms on the neighbours side in the morning and am making them eat their breakfast in a different room 😐 I'm constantly shhhhhhing and trying to stop my 3 and 4 year olds running around all day and I can't face even letting the little ones play or my dogs outside. I'm even getting hubby to leave work to do the school runs whenever I can so I don't have to leave the dogs incase they bark.
It's causing great stress with me and hubby who thinks we should just ignore them and carry on our lives as we were. He is furious I'm so bothered what they think . I really don't know what to do !

I have lived with unreasonably noisy neighbours and if you are as normal as you sound you aren't the ones with a problem. I now will only live in a detached house, even if that means a slightly worse area so I know I will be able to sleep and live a normal life. These people are making unreasonable demands on you. Do not pander to them anymore.

Personally, I wouldn't go out of my way to make loads of noise and play loud music, that will just escalate the situation and probably piss of other neighbours who you currently have no issue with. Just live normally and ignore their requests.

It's unlikely that anything you do will satisfy them. Don't worry. Live your life. They will move eventually.

Oh op, what a nightmare. Go ahead and live your lives normally. They moved there knowing a family lived next door, that's their problem not yours.
I wish I could send you our neighbours. We are moving soon and I will miss them so much. They are such a lovely, lovely family.

Your neighbours are totally unreasonable. I started a (lighthearted) thread the other day having a rant about my neighbours BBQs and Europop music. I am sat in my house today and I can clearly hear the sounds of their children and friends playing in their garden. Mum is teaching the toddler to bounce on trampoline and shouting "jumpy jumpy" over and over again. There is no way I would complain, it is part and parcel of living in a residential area, and I am sure my DD and her friends made as much noise back in the day! As others have said, let your children enjoy their home and garden, and get the trampoline back :)

A friend of mine had a similar experience a couple of months ago. The neighbour screamed at her children too and so my friend contacted the local police who sent a special police officer (can't remember what she said they were called) who noted everything neighbour had done. They then went and approached neighbour and told her to behave. I think she's been quiet since!

I really wouldn't do a face to face meeting because your words can be twisted and she might feel threatened.

Write them a letter, keep it calm and unemotional.

Another one for your playlist

Your neighbour would be rocking silently in a corner gibberish if she lived in my house.

Every reasonably sunny/nice day is filled with the sounds of kids playing (and fighting occasionally), lawnmowers, people enjoying their gardens, chickens going bonkers and the odd paraglider.

The normal sounds of suburbia

I read your comment that they said 'You aren't a decent family'. It sounds as though they look down on you - Six children- you must be sponging off welfare type thing is my guess. Nothing you do will be good enough until you move! I am so angry for you. You sound lovely and if only more people were as considerate as you. Your neighbour sounds as though she has her own issues. You have done nothing wrong. You're allowed to carry out work on properties from 8am so tough if she is having a lie in. I would continue being polite and reasonable by not upping any noise you make just to annoy her, but I would not accommodate her silly demands. Mowing your lawn at 6pm is fine. Ignore her demands please!!!

Gibberish should be gibbering
Stoopid phone

Oh dear, I feel for you and your family. There is nothing worse than feeling on edge in your own home. Is there something more going on? Were they annoyed/jealous of the extension? How did they cope with the building noise?
I agree with others, you have been over reasonable and that has almost encouraged them to complain more as they think they can get away with it.
They sound terribly judgmental. I was told similar things once when I rented a flat. They said people like me shouldn't be allowed to rent places like this! All because they could hear my son when he ran around in the house. He was 18 months at the time. The neighbour used to bang on the floor and my son would bang back, he thought it was a game! He once banged because we were talking and it was around 10pm!
I would write them a letter explaining all the concessions you have made and telling them how you and your family's life has been made a misery. Also, as others have said tell them how it has affected the DC's and not to discuss in front of them in future. In light of this and the fact that none of this has been enough, you have made the decision to resume your normally family life and will be making no further concessions.
Good luck x

You all got it wrong - it needs to be "Barbie Girl" on a constant loop (cannot remember who that is by). The hidden message is too good to miss.

You are not ruining their lives, they are ruining yours. Start living your lives in a normal way and write a diary of their comments in case of future use.

Shhhing your children and restricting them everyday is not good for their wellbeing. You sound like amazing neighbours who have bent over backwards. She is being very unreasonable and unrealistic.

So, to summarise the main points from everyone's posts:

1. Keep a record of all incidents, it all adds up to the picture of the harrassment you are suffering.

2. Make normal noise. Don't creep around. They'll never be happy.

They'd hate living on my street. A large number of us leave around 7am for work, in a variety of cars, vans, etc, all calling out Good Morning to each other. It's not quiet .

And I do suspect there's something in the possibility others have raised that they are targetting you and your family because of the disabilities and/or that you are a large family.

I had neighbours like that in my last house (posh suburb of Glasgow). I had 3 children and the husband constantly did diy or car repairs early in the morning, walked across our driveway to get to their door (cars blocking their own drive) parked surplus cars in from of my house wall. They complained constantly about everything we did (we weren't bad neighbours by a Long shot) and once even asked why it wasn't feasible for us just to come in and out our house and stay indoors and not use our gardens! I was paranoid about making noise and keeping the children quiet until one day I came home from work early to find the husband with his hands round my 14 year old son's neck while my son stood there with his own arms by his side! Apparently my son had taken too long to go up my drive to the house! I went berserk - warned him I was going to report him to the police for assault and his career would be finished - I forgot to tell you he was a secondary school teacher! He scuttled off tail between his legs and we actually started to enjoy our home again because I didn't give a monkeys about his complaints. I never should have and also should have complained about his behaviour!

Not yet rtft but will keep going.

Please don't let your family life be dragged down by them. You need to set a good example for your children on how to be good neighbours and how to deal with bullies.

Keep a record of all incidents. I'd go round with DH and have a chat, explain that it's normal family noise, explain the effect on our children, and explain that from now on you refuse to live like this. If they continue to harass you you'll go to the police. Be polite and friendly but firm.

And if they continue, go to the police.

Sorry you're going through this, so upsetting.

I agree with Jellyfrizz. They are whinging about every little thing, if they want a quiet life then moving next door to a family with 6 kids was not the best idea. Tell them to deal with it or move. Don't change you or your families lives because of their selfish whiney ways.

They sound like a couple of narcissistic control freaks. Where I used to live (BC - before children), our neighbours had 5 children. They were noisy - very noisy. But you know what? We lived in a family neighbourhood with lots of kids, and kids make noise. Period. It is part of life. Now I have young twins (one of who has mild autism), and if someone did that to them I'd do my nut. What right does she have to tell you how to live your lives and to imply that you're not 'decent'?

My advice is to live your lives normally. You have every right to, and your kids have every right to be kids. Why should you put your lives on hold for two bloody idiots people who have no idea what life is all about. As more than one person has else so eloquently put it - they can fuck right off. Don't let petty people like that bother you.

Personally, I wouldn't go out of my way to make loads of noise and play loud music

In reality I wouldn't retaliate with loud music and lose the moral high ground, but I did suggest music rather tongue in cheek, and guess others were doing the same.

(But it has to be )

Yes raspberry. I've been thinking Rammstein myself.

They sound like noise-neurotics. Once people have this mindset, any normal living will upset them. They need to either live on an uninhabited island or deal with it.
My noise-neurotic neighbour (we've both since moved, thank goodness) complained that she heard me come downstairs to make a cup of tea (the morning after we moved in!). She said they wanted complete peace and quiet (they had bought the modern, terraced property next to ours and bordered on the other side by a main road and a railway line!!!)
They were bonkers.
You need to realise this is THEIR problem not yours. Make it clear to them that normal family life will take place and that involves some noise - at civilised times of day/evening - and at a reasonable level. If they can't cope with that, they will have to sling their hooks!!!

I assume neighbour won't have children then?

Enjoy your home and family. Don't let this crazy spoil your joy. I feel for you.😍

Hey, this sounds like a total nightmare and hard to deal with. However as in all situations you can't change how the neighbours behave but you can change how you respond.

If I was in your situation I would do as your husband suggests and live as any normal family with no special consideration for over sensitive neighbours. If things are as you describe your neighbours are actually bullying you .

If your neighbours complain explain that you believe the noise is reasonable and if they don't agree there are a number of non confrontentional steps they can take to resolve issues. However emphasise that in future you do not want them to approach you when the children are present or to deal with issues as previously. Stick to your guns and if necessary approach your community policeman for support if the harassment continues.

This may not solve the issues but when you place the problem where it belongs with your neighbours you might be able to be more philosophical. It is not healthy for your family to respond by trying to meet unreasonable demands.

I'm sure this has been said ad infinitum but they ABVVVU and whilst it isn't easy to do, you need to either confront them and tell them to back off or ignore them and then get on with your lives merrily. You are not going out of your way to be inconsiderate but seriously they really need to FTFO