AIBU to be incredibly bothered by neighbours complaint?

[user1465383488]

We have lived in our house very happily for the last thirteen years. For the last five years we have been living next to very fussy neighbours. A couple in their thirties,No kids,no pets ,she does yoga in her garden,bakes from home and cycles around in an old fashioned big wheeled bike with a basket full of fresh bread and flowers.He works all day and seems very quiet. A perfect couple I guess.
We have six children here aged between 8 months and 13 years. The eldest two have special needs (autism /mobility problems)
We've always been super aware of not making noise to annoy anyone . The kids with the SN are in the furthest side of the house so occasional meltdowns have at least four or five walls between them and the neighbours.
Problems started three years ago when she knocked to say one of our dogs barked when I left her to do the school run and disturbed their breakfast . I was apologetic and took steps to stop that..training,plug ins,radio, recorded her etc and it stopped.
Then a few months later she hung out of her window on two mornings shouting at us for closing our gate too loud at 8.45am waking her up as she..and I quote " goes to bed late and has every right to sleep in with her windows wide open and not be disturbed" .
She made my then 8 year old cry and the kids creep out paranoid every morning to the car not daring to even speak.
Then we were putting a small patch of decking down and using a small battery drill to screw the planks in at 6 pm on a Saturday.She pops her head over asking if we could stop as they wanted to have dinner in the garden . And we did 😐
Next week she pops over again asking if we could keep our voices down as she was reading when it was just me,hubby and the two eldest out on the patio planting flowers.
Since then I've been paranoid. I dont let the kids play outside before 10 am or after 6.30 ish. If they're stupidly noisy they get brought in,I took the trampoline down because the neighbour moaned.We don't ever play music, the youngest kids are all in bed before 8 and the big three are quiet then and there's never any noise overnight. I don't ever open our bedroom window incase the baby cries through the night as the neighbours Window next to our room is wide open.
I stand out with the dogs in the morning and night so they don't bark and during the day if they start barking they're called in.When I go out they're in the far side of the house .
I "thought" we were being pretty considerate.
Apparently not.
Last weekend whilst the kids were in the paddling pool playing and actually being pretty quiet tbh both of them flew to the fence and started screaming about how we were ruining their lives, she sits crying at the noise we make. We have no consideration and should be ashamed of ourselves as parents etc. They went completely nuts and I told them we did our best but they didn't believe me, hubby at this point stood up and told them to back off as our kids were watching.
Since then my autistic son hasn't slept, he won't go outside. I am paranoid beyond belief. I won't even let the kids go into the two rooms on the neighbours side in the morning and am making them eat their breakfast in a different room 😐 I'm constantly shhhhhhing and trying to stop my 3 and 4 year olds running around all day and I can't face even letting the little ones play or my dogs outside. I'm even getting hubby to leave work to do the school runs whenever I can so I don't have to leave the dogs incase they bark.
It's causing great stress with me and hubby who thinks we should just ignore them and carry on our lives as we were. He is furious I'm so bothered what they think . I really don't know what to do !

Seriously , the more you appease her , the more she will become unreasonable . She is completely off her frilly . Next time she knocks,, just say 'noted' and shut the door in her face . You don't need her endorsement . We live in an urban environment . People need to be tolerant !

Had a similar issue myself a few years ago. 35 year old son and mother living together, he didn't work and said he could hear the kids walking up the stairs, could hear them playing in the garden,tutted if we were in the garden when they were eating.....the list goes on. My biggest regret is that I didn't stand up to them and tell them where to go. DO NOT GIVE IN TO THEM, it will make them worse believe me

Tell them to complain to the council.

Ignore them
Tell them to make their complaints to the council.

Stop making these concessions.
Put the trampoline back
Have breakfast in the kitchen/dining room

Don't slam doors
Don't slam gates
Don't let the dog bark
Avoid screaming rows or total riots
But have normal family life
Tell them to complain to the council

So long as you are doing normal family life the noise team won't cause you any bother.

I really feel for you. We had such a similar situation with our rural neighbours who complained about everything we did (kids, dogs, trees, cars, you name it, they complained about it. All unreasonably). I felt exactly as you did (constantly shushing dogs and kids etc, didn't want to go out in garden etc, stressed permanently).

Unfortunately, there's no easy solution, but we did get one. In the end, I had to harden up a bit and admit to myself that they were being totally unreasonable (I kept worrying that we were a terrible family, and we're not!). Once they'd told us that they called a dog warden and environmental health, I went into battle. I checked what was considered reasonable in terms of noise and checked all my legal rights. I also resigned myself that these people would never be good neighbours, so what the hell?

Once I was clear I was in the right (as you probably are - check out your local authority environ health guidelines for noise), we instructed a solicitor to inform them that we would apply for a harassment injunction. Even if you have to go through with it, it's not that expensive. We didn't have to follow it through. They just stopped all interaction.

They still live next door. We use our garden exactly as we wish, and they never look our way anymore, never mind complain!

It's sad, but it's a lesson that some people are just self involved twunts who should not be near normal people.

Good luck!!

I haven't long started to play the piano OP, can I come and practise round yours?

Also - to add to your play list - PANTERA!

Oh my gooooooood!!!!!

Tell them to shove it where the sun dont shine!!!! I have 3 kids, i remember once my neighbour moaning while on the phone to someone else about how the boys (all playing and not making excess noise) were so loud.....we happily ignored her!!! Dont go out of your way to piss them off but next time they moan make a comment of how the people before you didnt seem to mind and remind them in your nicest voice that you were there 1st! You've done all you can! Dont let some wankers with too much time ruin your childrens childhood.....remember they only get 1 childhood where they get to make noise, say things that you wouldnt ever dare to!!!!

Stop shhhhing your children! Sod them!!!!!! Xx

Anyone fancy a whip-round to buy the OP's children a new trampoline ?

I'd definitely contribute to that. And a karaoke machine stuck on volume 11. :)

Your biggest initial mistake was pandering to them. I am four years down the line from such a mistake and it just makes them more entitled.

Live a normal family life.
If she approaches you again tell her you have a right to a normal family life, tell her you have spoken to environmental health and if she wishes to she should call them. That you will no longer be dealing with her and will report harassment if she continues.

Are you both in council?
(sorry haven't read all thread)

If you are I would report the situation to them.

I have a playlist of some metal songs that I love but dp hates and I use them to annoy him when he irritates me. I could send it to you.

Otherwise I agree with every one else. You and your kids are entitled to live your life without the trauma of targeted harrasment.

And I live in the country - it's not all that quiet, and we farmers spread slurry. Actually do suggest she move, we like dealing with people who complain about normal country noise and activities!

I would love neighbours like that, I would have given them a nervous breakdown with my bike tinkering alone let alone my crazy girls. I say sod 'em, they moved in knowing you had kids so boo hoo to them. It's summer time and definitely BBQ weather

I certainly wouldn't pander to them now after saying about the other family being decent or whatever they said. They haven't made a complaint because they wouldn't have a leg to stand on. They sound like twats and I personally wouldn't even engage to them. If they shout over the fence again ignore them and if they repeat themselves say oh sorry are you talking to me? I can't hear you over all the noise my flower planting is making and walk off.

This has to be one of the most unanimous threads I've read, which is surely a comfort and vindication to you, OP.

These neighbours sound like kids; and when kids are being unreasonable, I prefer to ignore them, rather than get involved in any kind of dialogue, explanation, justifications etc etc. Just do what would usually do, live your life and blank them, until they are reasonable, and don't give them the satisfaction of a reaction. When they are reasonable, offer a sunny smile - no excuses or apologies - and carry on with your life.

It is summer time, a time of evening games outside, kids screeching and running about, parties on the patio and BBQ's. I love the noise of kids playing outside. It means they are happy.

None of your other neighbours have ever complained. End of.

All the best!

Ps live in your house and enjoy it, like other posters have said they don't like you shutting your gate in the morning, which is rediculous, they need to close their windows or just grow up!

Suggest Slipknot to add to your playlist.

She doesn't have enough to bloody do is her problem - and he sounds like a drop. Contact the council and download their EXACT restrictios around noise. TBH there are quite liberal interpretations on just what constitutes noise disturbance as it is assumed that most people will live a fairly normal life that doesn't involve whispering all day. Post it through her letter box and tell her to take it up with s solicitor if she's that bothered. Carry on as normal YANBU and your DH is right. I just know I would start having a great daytime interest in heavy metal music.

I'm afraid to say I recently succumb to some noise revenge on my miserable crow of a neighbour. She was incredibly controlling and regularly lied about noise levels, shit stirred between neighbours and just made me miserable. I pandered to it as I was new in the first instance, that then carried in for 5 years. The last straw came when she upset me after a funeral and from then I began playing Kerrang most days in the garden with my windows shut so I couldn't hear it. She had a meltdown, I continued, we never spoke again.

Bliss!!

Call their bluff and ask them to call the environmental health.

I think real reason maybe she is infertile so finds it upsetting having so many happy children next door.Can't be helped you even took down trampoline.

Gods sake! Live your life! Be reasonable of course.., if they want to live in silence they need to move somewhere remote .. Maybe she has some anxiety/sensitivity difficulties that makes every day life and trials difficult for her, which is a real shame but she cannot expect your family to live through that with her!

YANBU. Your neighbours ARE being unreasonable. Totally, unforgivably unreasonable, to the extent that THEY are ruining YOUR life. It's time, I'm afraid, to put on your big girl panties, and tell them directly whether in person or in writing that you have done your best to accomodate their needs, but that you are no longer prepared to pander to unreasonable requests, and that if they don't like noise between 9am and 10pm, then they should move to an isolated property, as you and your entire family have every right to live a normal life, free from complaints from spoilt yuppies. If you like - copy that word for word!

They sound unbelievably selfish - especially when you have special needs children and could do with support rather than harrassment. If they continue in the same vein - see a solicitor about an injunction to stop them harrassing you.

To be honest, I'm 100% behind snorepatrol - put as many different kinds of wind chimes as you can possibly collect, in your garden!!!

If you are honestly convinced that you are not making excessive noise at unreasonable times, then please take the view - as I think most people here have - that they are either paranoid, ludicrously over sensitive, or just unreasonable. 'Sounds like they should live on a remote island. If you want to sleep in then fine but you must expect the world will go about its business in the morning, and shut the windows! Does she shriek at refuse collection vans, other people passing by, etc? if not then I think they are just being unreasonable and you need to tell them so - if they start yelling perhaps warn them that you will call the police as this is harassment and it is an offence.

tough on you, but frankly you have been super neighbours, however you appear to be treading on eggshells, hopefully they will move, have children or grow up/ evolve (oops I said that out loud)

Tell them to buy a detached house.
You are being far too sensitive to their needs ( and being lovely).

Been there many years ago. I was moved in, with my baby son, above a woman who lived on her own.
It was a matter of days before the crap started.
I got a noise complaint... then another and another.
The housing office told me not to use the washer after 6, the toilet after 10, to make sure the baby didn't cry and the cat did go in the garden.
Then the books and subscriptions started arriving... £100 of pounds worth.
Then my cat disappeared. (She later admitted to beating him with a broom.)
She cut a tree down in my garden because it was shading a different neighbours garden ( the neighbour wasn't there and made her own complaint re this woman)
Then reported me to environmental health... For rats and the council served a notice telling me to clean the mess she had made in my garden. On cleaning the garden, we discovered it was a mumma hedgehog and 4 babies, not rats! They had to be shipped off to tiggy winkles.
We had the car tires slashed, the spot lights cut. Shit in the letterbox. She put up a six foot fence to stop my dog going in her garden... He never once went in her garden.
She was best friends with lord lucans wife apparently... and her boyfriend used to cut the grass... We never saw either. In fact she never had any visitors but had stolen a key from the neighbour with the shaded garden and had been stealing food, money and cigarettes while she was out!
The council eventually moved me and my son out thank goodness...
That's when we found out shed done the same thing to the lady before me who ended up having a breakdown!

Oh my god. Start making normal family noise again. They should have bought a more secluded house... simple!