AIBU to be incredibly bothered by neighbours complaint?

[user1465383488]

We have lived in our house very happily for the last thirteen years. For the last five years we have been living next to very fussy neighbours. A couple in their thirties,No kids,no pets ,she does yoga in her garden,bakes from home and cycles around in an old fashioned big wheeled bike with a basket full of fresh bread and flowers.He works all day and seems very quiet. A perfect couple I guess.
We have six children here aged between 8 months and 13 years. The eldest two have special needs (autism /mobility problems)
We've always been super aware of not making noise to annoy anyone . The kids with the SN are in the furthest side of the house so occasional meltdowns have at least four or five walls between them and the neighbours.
Problems started three years ago when she knocked to say one of our dogs barked when I left her to do the school run and disturbed their breakfast . I was apologetic and took steps to stop that..training,plug ins,radio, recorded her etc and it stopped.
Then a few months later she hung out of her window on two mornings shouting at us for closing our gate too loud at 8.45am waking her up as she..and I quote " goes to bed late and has every right to sleep in with her windows wide open and not be disturbed" .
She made my then 8 year old cry and the kids creep out paranoid every morning to the car not daring to even speak.
Then we were putting a small patch of decking down and using a small battery drill to screw the planks in at 6 pm on a Saturday.She pops her head over asking if we could stop as they wanted to have dinner in the garden . And we did 😐
Next week she pops over again asking if we could keep our voices down as she was reading when it was just me,hubby and the two eldest out on the patio planting flowers.
Since then I've been paranoid. I dont let the kids play outside before 10 am or after 6.30 ish. If they're stupidly noisy they get brought in,I took the trampoline down because the neighbour moaned.We don't ever play music, the youngest kids are all in bed before 8 and the big three are quiet then and there's never any noise overnight. I don't ever open our bedroom window incase the baby cries through the night as the neighbours Window next to our room is wide open.
I stand out with the dogs in the morning and night so they don't bark and during the day if they start barking they're called in.When I go out they're in the far side of the house .
I "thought" we were being pretty considerate.
Apparently not.
Last weekend whilst the kids were in the paddling pool playing and actually being pretty quiet tbh both of them flew to the fence and started screaming about how we were ruining their lives, she sits crying at the noise we make. We have no consideration and should be ashamed of ourselves as parents etc. They went completely nuts and I told them we did our best but they didn't believe me, hubby at this point stood up and told them to back off as our kids were watching.
Since then my autistic son hasn't slept, he won't go outside. I am paranoid beyond belief. I won't even let the kids go into the two rooms on the neighbours side in the morning and am making them eat their breakfast in a different room 😐 I'm constantly shhhhhhing and trying to stop my 3 and 4 year olds running around all day and I can't face even letting the little ones play or my dogs outside. I'm even getting hubby to leave work to do the school runs whenever I can so I don't have to leave the dogs incase they bark.
It's causing great stress with me and hubby who thinks we should just ignore them and carry on our lives as we were. He is furious I'm so bothered what they think . I really don't know what to do !

Sending her that letter is a very good idea. You sound like you have accommodated her far too much.
I live in a street full of families, next to a park. The sound of children playing is the sound track of our lives. One of the few times I have stepped in is when I heard some boys riding their bikes down a flight of concrete steps and went to pick them up from the floor at the bottom. In other words, Normal neighbourly interference..

flowerpower10 if I knew you were hovering for five minutes, I'd have called Guinness world records, not the police!

😂 Squinkies

Todd: Well, something had to come through the window! Something had to break the stereo!
Margo: And why is the carpet all wet, Todd?
Todd: I don't know, Margo!

Family life comes with a bit of noise and chaos, kids playing in the back garden, lawn mowers etc.

If you can hand on heart say you are being as quiet as you say and taking all the (unnecessary IMO) steps to placate them. I would invite them to complain to the council and when their complaint is dismissed explain that you are down having your lives made a misery due to their control freak tendencies.

• done not down

I called environmental health and the noise team and they said they've had no complaints and couldn't help till they did. We get on with all the other neighbours,had no complaints nope

Im glad you did this because I was going to say just tell her you wont be pandering to her unreasonable requests any longer and that from now on in she had better be prepared to back her complaints up the official way.

Its very nice of you to be so thoughtful and considerate with your neighbour, could you knock on and invite her around for a cup of tea and a chat? she's obviously got some sort of noise phobia and she is entitled to some quiet time on occasion I think. Sometimes people with lots of kids and pets don't realise how noisy they can be, but we are all entitled to be noisy sometimes just not all the time. Perhaps you can talk to her about some sort of compromise like making Sundays a quiet day? but explain to her with such a big family its hard to be quiet all the time as kids will be kids etc... At the end of the day they are your neighbours and you have to try to make peace with them or it will make your life hell! Good luck :)

If you continue to let these bullies ruin you and your dcc' lives, that wd be unreasonable. What they are doing is unreasonable and harassment. Go to the police and lay a complaint.

Gawd no, no letters, no chats. Just stop engaging with these bullying twats. Fuck 'em. Start living your life as normal. They moan, just repeat, 'It's too bad you feel that way, but this is classed as 'reasonable living' noise.' Or something like that and then just walk away. They stick their heads out the window or over the fence with some stupid request, you just completely ignore them. They continue, you say, 'I've explained to you already that the noise generated by our lives is considered 'reasonable living' by the council. Please stop harassing us.' They persist and you go to the police.

Engage with them as little as possible.

I agree with araiba, except I'd go for Slayer's Angel of Death. Then they'll have something to moan about!!

Stop all rules and accommodations you have made for her. Live life as normal. Practice saying these words 'We have tried to accommodate your increasingly ridiculous demands for peace and quiet, but that is over now. Please don't bother me or my family any more'. It's horrible. It will take you time to stop walking on eggshells like this. They do not live in a detached house in the country. You and your family need to reclaim your home.

here is 10 hours of a folk song on loop. Loud enough this will drive anyone crackers

Op I know how you feel. When we moved here our neighbour was horrid to us. The lady who lived here before was a single, 40+ nurse who worked nights so there was no noise. We moved in with 3 children and 2 dogs. We are not loud at all but he came around and complained a few times that he went to bed at 7.30pm as he had to get up for work at midnight so he expected silence from then on. I was so paranoid but the third time he complained because he could hear my child laughing through a wall my husband answered (previously he made a point of Dh not being there to complain). Dh said we would not be silent at 7.30pm and if he had a problem then to complain through the correct procedure. He has been fine ever since.

Personally I would carry on living as normal. None of your other neighbours have said anything. You have gone above and beyond which you shouldn't have to do. If she doesn't like noise then why buy a house next to a family? This is their problem not yours. You are just making general family noise. No one would ever take her seriously about gates closing, paddling pools, etc. With regards to the comment he made about the other family being better to you it sounds to me as this is just a personal attack on you. Do not even engage them if they speak to you or complain just ignore if they shout or get angry tell them you are going to call the police for harassment. Good luck op

By being a kind and considerate neighbour she now thinks you will bow to her every whim. Next time she makes a fuss list everything you hav done in order to be considerate to her and ask her what she has done in return? FA and be more demanding. OP be my neighbour!

Oh bollocks. You sound like a dream neighbour.

if she wants to sleep with her windows open she can wear ear plugs.

my neighbour lets his dog out every night at 10.30 to 11 and leaves it barking before he lets it back in. i drop off to sleep and the dog wakes me up. haven't complained though, because that's what living in an urban area is like. dogs bark.

your neighbour is a bully and you're fully within your rights to ignore. you sound very considerate and i think that letter is good.

She should come and live in our house for a week. Our NDN's have a child of 10 who has severe autism. He's completely non verbal and communicates in grunts, loud mumbles and shouts. He spends a lot of time in the garden because his mum and dad know he's safe and probably need a bit of a break. Sometimes he bucks things over the fence into our garden (and as he gets older the items are getting bigger!). They've also just got a therapy dog that barks.

Never in our wildest dreams would we consider saying something to our neighbours. They're just two people trying to do their best given the hand they've been dealt. Why would we want their child to be confined indoors when he obviously loves being outside? Why would we want the dog to be shut away because it occasionally barks? I won't pretend it's not annoying, but it's part and parcel of living in close proximity with other people.

I would genuinely tell them I would welcome EH's involvement as you feel that their expectations are unreasonable and their approaches becoming more and more aggressive. I think the letter is a good idea as it spells out what you're prepared to do and makes it clear that you don't wish matters to get more "personal" than they already are.

I think your only solution is to have a Mumsnet party at your gaff where we make normal amounts of cheerful noise and call out on the way out 'see you next week and every week for our meetings'.

It's time you properly stood up for yourself too. We can also do that for you

Go and put the trampoline up now! Your children and you have every right to enjoy your garden!

I have not rtft but I say your husband is right,ignore the taunts and even go to the police with an harassment complaint if they carry on

Twats not tuants

You sound like lovely neighbours! Don't let these horrid people bully you. Live normally and enjoy your lives and home and dogs and children. I have a 8ft trampoline in my back garden, no longer used, a bit rusted, but you're welcome to it if you can get to Devon and pick it up. I think we have all the nets and poles too, though we never put them up.

In this fabulous weather, surely a few barbeques are in order,mwith lots of friends and family, and all your neighbours who have children.

In the long term, that room there, nearest the horrid pair's house looks like an ideal music room to me. I think your children would benefit hugely from taking up the violin (horrifying noises issue forth until they've learnt to bow properly), trumpet is fab, any reed instrument, and don't forget drums - people are always after a good rhythm section.

Have fun being a normal busy lovely family.

LaurieFairyCake Thats a brilliant idea, we could bring tents and spend the night Can we bring ponies?

Nooo Laurie, what we need to do is all gather silently in the house, then a few people make some noise in the garden... when she pops round to complain we all charge at her. With pitchforks, perhaps.

The yoga, baking and bicycle thing makes me think OP should have some kind of noisy event that is right up the neighbours street (ha de ha). So eg. a vegan wholefoods and yoga retro summer fayre. With a vintage bicycle maintenance workshop. She will be torn!

Do you have a super soaker for when they stick their heads back over the fence to complain? They are so hard to aim