AIBU to be incredibly bothered by neighbours complaint?

[user1465383488]

We have lived in our house very happily for the last thirteen years. For the last five years we have been living next to very fussy neighbours. A couple in their thirties,No kids,no pets ,she does yoga in her garden,bakes from home and cycles around in an old fashioned big wheeled bike with a basket full of fresh bread and flowers.He works all day and seems very quiet. A perfect couple I guess.
We have six children here aged between 8 months and 13 years. The eldest two have special needs (autism /mobility problems)
We've always been super aware of not making noise to annoy anyone . The kids with the SN are in the furthest side of the house so occasional meltdowns have at least four or five walls between them and the neighbours.
Problems started three years ago when she knocked to say one of our dogs barked when I left her to do the school run and disturbed their breakfast . I was apologetic and took steps to stop that..training,plug ins,radio, recorded her etc and it stopped.
Then a few months later she hung out of her window on two mornings shouting at us for closing our gate too loud at 8.45am waking her up as she..and I quote " goes to bed late and has every right to sleep in with her windows wide open and not be disturbed" .
She made my then 8 year old cry and the kids creep out paranoid every morning to the car not daring to even speak.
Then we were putting a small patch of decking down and using a small battery drill to screw the planks in at 6 pm on a Saturday.She pops her head over asking if we could stop as they wanted to have dinner in the garden . And we did 😐
Next week she pops over again asking if we could keep our voices down as she was reading when it was just me,hubby and the two eldest out on the patio planting flowers.
Since then I've been paranoid. I dont let the kids play outside before 10 am or after 6.30 ish. If they're stupidly noisy they get brought in,I took the trampoline down because the neighbour moaned.We don't ever play music, the youngest kids are all in bed before 8 and the big three are quiet then and there's never any noise overnight. I don't ever open our bedroom window incase the baby cries through the night as the neighbours Window next to our room is wide open.
I stand out with the dogs in the morning and night so they don't bark and during the day if they start barking they're called in.When I go out they're in the far side of the house .
I "thought" we were being pretty considerate.
Apparently not.
Last weekend whilst the kids were in the paddling pool playing and actually being pretty quiet tbh both of them flew to the fence and started screaming about how we were ruining their lives, she sits crying at the noise we make. We have no consideration and should be ashamed of ourselves as parents etc. They went completely nuts and I told them we did our best but they didn't believe me, hubby at this point stood up and told them to back off as our kids were watching.
Since then my autistic son hasn't slept, he won't go outside. I am paranoid beyond belief. I won't even let the kids go into the two rooms on the neighbours side in the morning and am making them eat their breakfast in a different room 😐 I'm constantly shhhhhhing and trying to stop my 3 and 4 year olds running around all day and I can't face even letting the little ones play or my dogs outside. I'm even getting hubby to leave work to do the school runs whenever I can so I don't have to leave the dogs incase they bark.
It's causing great stress with me and hubby who thinks we should just ignore them and carry on our lives as we were. He is furious I'm so bothered what they think . I really don't know what to do !

Honestly i'd tell them to F off. It sounds like you've way gone over and above being considerate neighbours, you have a life and that life involves kids, who SHOULD be able to enjoy themselves and make noise. You're not going to be friends with them, they sound like plonkers - I would explain the impact her complaints have had on your life and how stressed you've been and restricting kid time etc, go back to making the normal level of noise you are entitled to and at the next complaint tell them to shove it.

haven't read all the replies.

I think by accommodating their unreasonable requests you actually encouraged/enabled them to keep demanding.

As long as they noise you make is not unreasonable, I would back step the the things you did. I am not suggesting to blast them with heavy metal at 11 pm.

but get the trampoline back out and do what normal families do. not letting kids out before 10am and after 6:30 pm? seriously? just stop all this nonsense. I would not engage with them and consider further steps if they become threatening.

There is a medical term for your neighbours - they are nuts. How about meeting with some other neighbours that you get on well with and creating a list of rules that you all agree are reasonable (no noisy DIY after x o'clock, no excessive noise before x o'clock at the weekends etc). Then - stick to those rules and ignore any idiotic complaints that fall outside of those rules.

I'm so very sorry this is happening to you. Whoever was the EHO (mamma Mia?) had excellent advice for you. Keep a record of every future incident/complaint they make about you. You could try reporting her to the council for running a business from home... It should irritate them a little at any rate. I think you could also start complaining to the police about harassment, especially after they made their opinions clear regarding your "banshee". Clearly you are a large family, but their expectations regarding noise and completely unreasonable. Before 0800 and after 2200 is unreasonable.

My neighbor phoned the police because I hovered for 5mins at 11pm once I was doing a glitter project for got the time just tidying up she now runs in her house and hides anytime I go in my yard bless her I am not sure why she thinks I am a monster I tried to go around to apologise for it but she would my open door it's just silly ness lol

I'd be giving her something to properly complain about.
But I'm like that!
But then, I wouldn't have pandered to her crazy requests in the first place.

Do you know what I hate?
When it's lovely outside and I DON'T hear kids having a good time and playing and laughing.
I think kids should be outside when it's nice, playing, enjoying themselves.

I think the MN phrase ODFOD 'Oh Do Fuck Off Dear' would work perfectly here.
Said in a calm posh voice with a nice head tilt!

Send that letter!

I would carry on about my business without giving a stuff about them, if they don't like it then refer them to a local estate agent and they can go live somewhere in the sticks, you have as much right to enjoy your property as they do theirs and I think you have been accommodating enough already (too much probably!), I would have told them where to shove it long ago.

Tbh they sound way older than in their thirties, I would expect that sort of behaviour from a retired couple or something.... strange.... tell you what you need in your garden, a nice trickling water feature, mum has one next door to her and it pisses her right off, maybe then they will take the hint and look for somewhere in the middle of nowhere and you will get nice normal neighbours.

Everyone has said it all, but they keep recommending metal as the annoying music of choice? I'd recommend Takeo Ishi, the Japanese Yodeler. Because yodeling is aggressive cheerful.

Yoghurt.
Surely trumpet lessons would be a good start?

I think you spoke to environmental health about the wrong issue.

You should be complaining about their harassment. You are entitled to live a life without your neighbours impacting on you with bullying.

Start logging every incident. After 3 call the police on the non-emergency line and report them. You are not being complained against, you are being bullied.

I second those who say that your neighbours need to move to a detached house away from humans... not the countryside though please... Farmland is a working area I lived in a terraced house where the teenage girl played' Mambo number 5' at moderate volume, on repeat, in the room adjoining my bedroom, for hours. I was a nurse working shifts including nights and would need to sleep at odd times and I never once mentioned it. She had a right to play the music she wanted to, when she wanted to.

My cousin had an anonymous complaint about her childrens' noise (nothing late or screamy) and called the police. They came round and took the letter. It turns out several other families had a copy posted through their door. All the police had to do was put pins in a map and go knock on the door of the house in the centre... They were cautioned.

LMAO at the idea that 6 kids and 2 dogs are "too much" thats nobody's business but OP's. Why shouldnt they have 2 dogs? They arent causing anyone any harm (she sorted out the problems with the one who didnt like to be left alone )

Hell a neighbour of ours breeds dogs and can have 13 at a time! (Proper breeder not a puppy farmer) Doesnt bother me a jot its their lives, their house.

Neighbour said the dogs weren't a problem the kids were, should she get rid of them? And the comment about her autistic child is beyond unthinkable.

I really feel for you. Your neighbours, as many have said, are a pair of twunts. I have never had such a ridiculous run in with neighbours but thankfully mine are all sane (ish), even the one we call NosyKnickers, who bobs in and out of our garden (whole other thread). You and your children should take every opportunity to enjoy your home and your garden.

I'd be inclined to be the sweetest, most accommodating neighbour to their faces, but do absolutely nothing about any of the complaints. this is a great way of dealing with them, there is nothing more disarming when seeking a row to have someone smile sweetly and agree with you. Smile away and say 'oh dear' at every complaint, don't agree or disagree just get on with life and if either of them start a rant, ask them to stop in front of your children, if they don't tell then they are being unreasonable and leaving you no option but to call the police and ask for help as they are harrassing you. good luck.

What a horrible pair! Shame you've given away the trampoline though.

Have you any other neighbours on either side or at the back who would back you up in saying that your noise is not disagreeable? Maybe with a bit of neighbourly support you could all learn to live with this.
They do sound incredibly fussy and difficult to please. Could your husband answer the door to them and deal with their complaints? I know this sounds a bit cowardly on your part but the woman may back down if he talks to her in a more 'direct' manner.

We have neighbours like that. I laugh at them. I also pointed out that they moved into a big family house in a housing estate full of young families. There will be noise. They can learn to deal or move.

I am furious on your behalf. Do send the letter, it will make you (and a lot of us on this thread) feel a lot better to know these bullies have been called out on their illegal* behaviour.

Harrassment and Hate Speech.

You are absolutely welcome op. Please use it, let me know how it goes. Although you might want to reconsider Twuntyface

Neighbours like your neighbours absolutely piss me off tbh, I am someone who has a REAL neighbour from hell. You just sound like you are living normally, like closing the gate and talking like really?

You know when you said she rides around on a bike with a basket and complains about your dogs i thought of the witch from wizard of oz lol

It might bolster your confidence if you pop round to your other neighbours bearing cake and ask them if your family is disturbing them. When they reply that of course you aren't, you can share your own distress, and the impact on your children, of the behaviour of Mrs Flowers-in-Her-Basket next door. I'd lay it on thick.

I'm sure they'd be appalled on your behalf and then should things escalate, and EH make enquiries about nuisance, they will support your position.

They sound vile.

I would send the letter Restless wrote.

I'd also rehearse a sentence for if she says anything in person. Rehearse it out loud, write it down and practice it, so when the moment comes you are not wrong footed or intimidated.

I would suggest something like, "As per the letter we sent you I am not prepared to discuss this with you any further. If you feel our noise levels are unreasonable please pursue it through the appropriate formal channels."

And then walk away. If she tries to engage, just repeat it. And then continue to walk away. Do not deviate, don't give her anything to open up a conversation with.

And then get back to living your lives x

Do you know hat this reminds me of? The yuppie couple who live by Chevy Chase in National Lampoons Christmas Vacation. The woman os played by Elaine from Seinfeld.
They sounds really horrible. I'd just let the kids be normal playing kids, it's not like they are out there screaming their heads off at midnight.
I hope all her cakes go flat, nasty woman.

Oh, this would be like a red rag to a bull for me!

I will never understand why some people chose to move into housing that's in close proximity to others and then whinge about normal neighbourly noise?! Not only would I be inclined to tell them to fuck off, I'd also tell them to get a life because they clearly don't have much of one of they spend all their time Behavhing like this!