to ban DH from taking money from my purse?

[OohMavis]

Last night I went to bed with £50 in my purse. The £50 had a purpose, one I hadn't bothered explaining to DH because it was mind-numbingly BORING and therefore unworthy of a whole conversation based around it. I was going to town to buy everyone socks and underwear.

I woke up and I have £25. He's taken money, AGAIN. He leaves for work at 4am and leaves at the last minute, so has no time to stop by an ATM. His work is off the beaten track and has a crappy ATM on site that never works, so he just roots around for cash and takes whatever he finds because he's too lazy, or has lost his card again, for the 50th time this year because he refuses to use a fucking wallet, to get money the night before.

I don't have a debit card because he borrowed it and bloody LOST it and I'm waiting for a new one. It's not the end of the world but it's so fucking irritating. We share finances, what's mine is his and vice versa but ffs.

I messaged him just now and he said sorry, he took it to top up his lunch key at work and didn't think I had plans for it. Well I did. Big pants plans.

So aibu to ban him from taking my change forever more, because he's a lazy git and it's fucking annoying?

If he's generally a good DH, he probably isn't doing it to be annoying. Tell him not to touch your money (hide it, if you must) and move on. If you have told him not to touch it, before this incident happened, start taking his stuff - something he would use in the evening; he would then associate the missing object with "...fuck, I need to make sure I have some money..." Sorted

My DP leaves wet towels on the bed too. However, he also leaves for work at 4am and can't be sure he'll get to a cash point, so he draws out enough money for the week on a Sunday. He worked that one out all by himself. I'm annoyed to fuck on your behalf, OP, that your DH thinks that it's OK to inconvenience you just because he's not yet found a way round the no-cash-point-near-his-place-of-work conundrum.

Damp towel issue: pile on sheet on his side of bed. Leave duvet folded out of the way.

Cash raiding is infuriating. If I had a cash raider and needed cash for underwear shopping I'd have put it in a sealed envelope in my purse, clearly labelled "£50 for buying everyone new underwear on Tuesday 7th" so he'd know precisely which fund he was robbing.

DH is terrible with a wallet, but he now has card/cash sections in his phone case to which he is surgically attached and hasn't lost or forgotten money or cards since. Worth a thought?

MrsHathaway that's actually a brilliant idea. Father's day present sorted. Thanks!

If he's generally a good DH, he probably isn't doing it to be annoying.

Ah he is lovely. Just a pain in the arse with keeping his shit organised. I annoy him with my bad habits too sometimes all the time so I suppose we're alright.

People getting all overheated and crying "financial abuse" YANBU my husband does this too and it drives me nuts! On the other hand he couldn't care less about money that he himself has earned and is never ever tight or controlling over money at all. Having thought about it a bit more, I've realised that all of the change jingling around in his pockets gets swiped by me when I do the laundry.... It invariably gets spent on coffees and cakes!

If DH or I have to raid each other's cash we always send each other a txt so the other person has warning BEFORE needng the money and isn't caught short.

I do wonder if we're secretly married to the same man?!? Lol..... My worst moment was when he borrowed my cash card but didn't want to wake me to tell me; unaware of this I fill the car to brimming point with diesel and then can't pay the eighty odd quid as no cash or card in purse! DH just happened to be working on site at a job half way across the country that particular day Luckily the fuel garage is literally around the corner from us, so they noted the reg, took my address and let me go to scrape the cash together out of the kids xmas cards (was just after new year). This was not before I had an embarrassing melt down and burst into tears in front of the poor cashier, whilst my two girls (2 and three months) looked on from the car.

YANBU but if he's anything like my DH it will all fall on deaf ears! Men; we still love them despite all they put us through

we each have our own accounts, we don't share PINS we don't have credit cards, we ask each other if we need cash from each other at any time- we wouldn't just take it. We always offer to give that cash back. BUT my partner is supporting me financially at the moment as I'm self employed and trying to get a new enterprise going. Generally in our five year relationship she has been the higher earner, although sometimes it has been me and when I have cash I freely spend it on household bills, contribute to everything we need always as much as I can. And we talk about money and I regularly check in with her that she is still ok with how things are- I am reasonably confident that I will be contributing more equally soon.

I have just found a £20 note in the garden...just sitting in a flowerbed.
DH has immediately claimed it, apparently he has a hole in his pocket.
I have offered to use my lovely sewing machine to mend the hole.
For £20.

I think the money has grown from a penny I found when I was weeding.

That would wind me up.

H can be a tosser of the highest order in other ways but if he always checks first before taking cash and if he cant then he takes the minimum he needs and leaves me a note. He also looks after his debit card so that has never been an issue. I would go bonkers if he kept taking my cash (mine as in I withdrew it to use it) and to add insult to injury lost my card so I couldnt get any more

I find the idea anyone would use your partner's cash card the weird one to get my head around.

Why would that happen?

We have a joint account but still wouldn't use each others cards nor tell each other our PIN. Obviously its not about "taking" each others money as it is a joint account, but surely nobody ever tells anyone else their PIN...

I have drummed into my 10 year old never to tell anyone her PIN - not even me... and I'd never use her cash card either...

Until I read this thread I had only ever heard one person talk about her husband taking her cash card (thoughtlessly rather than maliciously, she claimed) and leaving her without access to money with very little food in the house and I wondered if it could even be true as surely people don't take each other's cash cards...

DH annoys me a bit by appearing to think going to the cash machine is wife work and seeming to be incapable of withdrawing cash... though on the other hand he gives me cash from birthday cards or selling small items on ebay local ads because he rarely needs cash and I do all the shopping, so its swings and round abouts...

He'd as soon ask me for my cash card as open my post or forge my signature though, and vice versa.... Its really the hight of thoughtless self centeredness to take your partner's cash and cash card (even though on two different days) thus leaving them stranded and likely to do things like fill the car with petrol, or fill a trolley and put a week's worth of family groceries through the till at the supermarket, or eat a meal in a restaurant... before discovering they've basically been pick pocketed and can't pay - for all the pick pocket might not have actually meant any harm

I can't believe people are lovingly indulgent rather than absolutely irate with partners who take their cash cards as well as their cash...

Has anyone mentioned the thread where someone found a mystery woman's debit card in their house? Could it be yours, OP

Lol. Oops that's me! Although to be fair I don't take notes without asking.

But as a full time SAHM with a toddler my life is playgroups and soft play. So always needing 'just a couple of quid'.... OH empties the change out of his pocket in the evening - I scoop it up in the morning. Must drive him bonkers! But surely he'd say something or hide it in his sock draw if he REALLY got mad with it? :-)

YANBU - but hide it under your pillow if you really want to stop him taking it if it's 'joint' money x

Schwab that seems OTT. Both me and my partner have used each other's cash cards as we have separate accounts. I have even used my sister's card when requested to buy her something. We trust each other and would never use without being asked to. Simple. My partner and I borrow cash from each other sometimes. Don't expect it back however and would always ask or let each other know.

YANBU this drives me absolutely mad! DH takes all my change (ignores notes!) for his works vending machine. What the selfish idiot forgets is that he is a car driver, I am not and keep my change for bus as they will only take exact change. I often get to the bus stop to realise what he's done and have to run to the nearest shop to break a note, missing bus and making myself late. I hide my purse these days!

Why don't you suggest he get cash out for the week when you're out together and he can put it some place safe or get it for him if he doesn't bother. Problem solved. Would annoy me and if he was that careless with card and money I would definitely suggest making sure he can't find your purse, that is just too annoying I would be livid if my partner lost my card.

H and I know each others PINs and would use them if we needed to. Its a joint account so I dont see its an issue.

If we had seperate accounts then we wouldnt of course, but I really dont see why we should keep our numbers secret when either of us could clear the account out on our own cards if we chose to!

My card stopped working, knackered chip I think, and I used his card in the 5 days it took for my new one to turn up. Why wouldnt you?!

MumsThe Word as I say we have a joint account so not sharing cards and PINs isn't about trust - but people on here have shown that if you get into the habit of taking each other's cash cards you can leave your partner in an embarrassing situation or even cause them to inadvertently commit a crime by filling up the car with petrol or consuming some other product (or perhaps a service like a hair cut) and then discovering they have no means to pay.

Even if you'd never take the card without asking it leaves you wide open to being accused of negligence by your bank if your card is lost or stolen and money is stolen from your account - any CCTV or other evidence of your partner using your cash card at an ATM or in a shop and you will be liable for every penny which may have been taken from your account by a thief or fraudster - sharing cards and PINs could cost you thousands of pounds (and leave you in debt if you have a big overdraft facility and the bad luck to have the card stolen or cloned)

Another one here whose dp is cut from the same cloth. Loses everything. Repeatedly. Every Christmas and birthday I already know what to buy him - a wallet - because he will have lost his.

Also leaves for work at 4am, never has money for the taxi to the station and I hear him cursing and rooting through the laundry basket looking for jeans with jangly loose change in the pockets. Yes it's tedious to be stood at the checkout about to produce the tenner you know you had, only to discover you don't have it, OR your bank card. Awkward. But it weirdly amuses me so now I make sure I have an unnecessary excess of cash in my purse.

Funny how some people are so possessive over their things, but we're all different. Me and dp don't think twice about rifling through each others' things usually looking for £1 for a trolley or a lighter. Dp never has a lighter when he needs one but always looks "faux annoyed" when the 6 I produce from my pockets are all his...

Bogeyface cross posted but for the reasons I just posted plus the fact there is the obvious work around of the person who does have a card using it to withdraw a lump of cash to tide their partner over rather than handing over their cash card and PIN.

I am pretty sure every bank states in their terms and conditions that you must not tell anyone else your PIN nor let them use your card and that to do so invalidates the bank's theft and fraud protection.

Well as I said we wouldn't use them without being given the card and asked to use them. We don't actually need to borrow money from each other. It's probably happened a couple of times so not a regular thing in any case, I can't even remember exactly why now. My sister asked me to get a few bits from the shops a couple of times as I was going anyway. I know you shouldn't share PINs that's true, but we certainly don't help ourselves to each other's cards and don't memorise each other's PINs.

The point was that it's a rare occursance and generally we wouldn't. These days with smart phones it's just as easy to transfer. In the case of my sister I'd do it for her as she can't get to the shops often and then if there's a problem it's paid for on her own card if for some reason she needs a refund.

OohMavis I think we might be married to the same man...

Oh my DH does this although he hasn't since he left me a car with no fuel and and purse with no money ! I got half way to the petrol station before I had to get my dad to come with a Jerry can. I then went to get shopping only to find cash missing so thought ok I will use credit card. Only he'd ordered a fucking lawn mower without telling me, so dad had to bail me out again. The only good bit was dad got to him before me so he was grovelling by the time he walked in from work sent the fucking mower back as well £1300 ffs

ive lent my husband my ccard before and me his

so what he took some cash im sure pants can wait till the next day

first world problems